Mixed Emotions
by angkat14
Summary: As time goes by, he slowly realized that his bestfriend began to mean to him more than it should, but does he have to find that out in the worst possible way when he finally lost her? YuusukeKeiko COMPLETED
1. The Beginning of the End

**Author's Note: **I'm getting tired of my Kurama + Botan fics so I decided a little change would do me good. Don't worry, though, as I have every intention of writing more K+B fics, but I need new characters to suit my other plots. This is my first Yuusuke + Keiko fics. 

READ THIS OR YOU'LL NOT BE ALLOWED TO **FLAME ME**. THIS STORY IS SET AFTER THE WHOLE STORY OF THE YU YU HAKUSHO MINUS THE PROMISE OF YUUSUKE TO KEIKO THAT HE'LL COME BACK AND MARRY HER AFTER THREE YEARS. IN SHORT, IN THIS STORY, YUUSUKE HADN'T CONFESSED (AND DIDN'T KNOW YET) HIS FEELINGS FOR OUR KEIKO. 

**Disclaimers Applied!!! **

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 1: The Beginning of the End 

_ It was hard falling in love with your best friend. I am the living proof of that. And do you know what my ambition is? To prove that wrong. _

_ To prove that falling in love with you wouldn't be as bad as I'd thought. But now… _

"Ei, Keiko, I need to talk to you," you said to me one fine morning as I'd come out of the house. This has been our regular routine – though you never intend to attend the class, you never missed to walk me to school, or back. 

I don't know your reason and I never had the courage to ask you, so I let it that way. After all, we'd been friends since we were three years old and sometimes, words need not be spoken. Actions are enough. But now – 

"What is it?" I asked and frowned when you looked away. It wasn't like you to be like that. You usually are loud, even when talking about serious matter. 

"Well, you know Kia, right?" you began and an uncomfortable silence enveloped us. 

I made a face. How could I forget Kia Miruni? She's my archenemy and I truly believed she was put on earth just to make my life a living hell. How could I forget that ever since we've started first grade, she made it a point to humiliate me and make me look stupid in front of everybody? 

"What is this about, really?" I asked you. I grew afraid just as the mention of her name. Her first name. When we were kids, you often referred to her as Miruni. Not Kia. _When did you start calling her by her first name? _

"We're, um," you stuttered. "She's my girlfriend." 

I blinked as the message slowly registered in my mind. And when it finally sunk in – I wanted to die. I wanted the world to open up and swallow me. I wanted to cry from all the betrayal you've done to me. I wanted to blame you and say 'Isn't it enough that she made a fool of me? You have to be a part of it, too?' But I never did. I kept that to myself just as I had kept the love I felt for you. 

"Oh," I said as I swallowed hard to fight the onslaught of tears from coming. But then, I'm not really able to conceal the hurt I felt completely from you. Because my knees weakened and I had to stop walking and grab your arm to keep me from falling. 

You were instantly by my side, holding my waist. Holding me. It would have been a dream come true but at the moment, it felt like a nightmare. My worst nightmare. "I'm sorry," you mumbled. "I know you hate her and all but I really like her. She isn't that bad, you know." 

She isn't that bad. _Yeah, right_. And that's coming from my very own best friend. Then, the whole world must think she's an angel if the best friend of her archenemy thinks she's not that bad. _Yeah, right_. 

Again, I kept that to myself. "Since when?" 

"One week," you said rather quickly as your hand dropped from my waist. 

We resumed walking, but now, silently. Odd. Our mornings are usually filled with laughter and stories to tell to each other, and yes, bickering. 

I've often scolded you, yes, but you know you can't blame me. You seldom attend your classes and you oftentimes get into brawls. That's what you are – a troublemaker to all, except me, of course. That's your reputation but you never did anything about it. Even if you knew what your reputation did to my reputation. 

Not that it matters, anyway. Our reputation as partners had spared me from all the bullies around the school. And, well, you've got your fair share of assignments and answers on exams from me. 

Yes, when the subject teacher allows us to sit with anybody whom we wanna sit beside with, you always made it a point to sit beside me. For exams, you told me and grinned. I did not mind, of course. I was a martyr. But then, the seat beside me tends to be vacant most of the time. As you were in the rooftop doing god knows what. 

I sighed. And yeah, I know that you noticed that but I decided to ignore you by looking away. As if to say, don't ask me anymore. Good thing, you didn't. I wanted to be alone. To think. To reflect. But I didn't dare say it aloud. And I know I wouldn't dare. 

Everything's going to change from now on, I can't help but think. It's the way of things, once a friend found his significant other, you will now be left. Alone. 

No more walks in the morning and afternoon. No more visits in the ramen house and the talks. No more friendly dates that most often than not ended in a fight. 

Not realizing that tears are flowing from my eyes, I continued to walk and reminisce the old times. 

"Please don't cry," you told me and stopped me from walking to wipe the tears from my eyes. And when you looked straight in my eyes, I looked away. I looked at everything except you. 

Tears didn't stop and I reached for your hand caressing my cheek to remove it. I resumed walking, knowing that my face is stained with tears. I knew it, even without looking at a mirror. I felt the wetness of my cheeks. 

Twice, you tried engaging me in a conversation but I did not say a word. I know my voice would give me away. Betray me just as you did. 

In the end, you stopped talking to me as we entered the campus. You were frustrated, I know. And I don't care. You often accused me of having a very bad mood swings a woman can ever have but now, I simply won't care. I am hurt and I am angry and there's nothing you can do or say can make me talk to you. 

I refused to talk to you. 

*****CHANGE OF POV***** 

I knew this would happen, I thought to myself as I watched you walk beside me, not caring at all if tears kept falling from your eyes. 

I knew it but I swear I didn't want anything like this to happen. I care for you so much that the thought of hurting you and making you cry didn't even entered my mind even once. 

But then, I had to make this one big mistake of my life. I had to fall for Kia Miruni. Yeah, so I really didn't know her the way I do you but well, I'm just a guy and she's really damn beautiful. 

So, I courted her, or course, without your knowledge, for three days. Then, she said yes. Simple as that. I know she's been doing bad things to you and making you miserable but that didn't even stopped me. We kept our relationship a secret but since I was used to telling you everything, I just decided to tell you. 

Of course, this is a very sensitive matter that's why I put up all the gentleness and sensitivity I have inside of me. But I could have been blunt and an asshole for all the hurt and anger that flashed your face. 

I know that you do not intend these emotions to be known to me because if you really want to do that, you would have lashed at me. Blame me, accuse me and make me feel guilty for doing this to you. 

But you didn't say anything. You didn't even looked at me. And that made the guilt triple. I wanted to cry myself, torn between you and Kia, between a best friend and a girlfriend. 

But I didn't, my male ego refusing to do that. You cried, and though you didn't know it, my heart cried for you. 

I wiped your tears, whispering the first coherent sentence that came to my mind, "Please don't cry." 

For once, I'm feeling all the gentleness in me, feeling that I am not the troublemaker that everyone thought of me. For once, I felt like the gentle mad you'd always told me you want to be with. 

I did not tell you this, but I was jealous of that guy. That nameless guy. We haven't met him yet but I am already insane with wanting to beat the hell out of him. Because I know he's going to take you away from me. He's going to take away the only best friend I ever had. 

And for that brief moment, as my fingers caressed your face, I imagined that I am that guy. I imagined that I am the guy that you wanted and needed. Until you removed my hand from your face. Refusing me to touch and caress you. refusing the comfort and apology I intend on giving. _Refusing me_. 

I felt cold by that action. Bringing me back to reality that I am not that man. That no matter what I do, I could never be that man. 

I dropped my hand and honored your wish. I understand, even if I didn't want to. 

Silence. But then, you know I'm really not used to it so I tried thinking of something to talk about. Something with no connection to the topic that made you cry. 

"I decided to attend the class today. Kia said," I stopped, and stole a glance from you knowing I, once again, had said something I'm not supposed to say. "Well, she said there might be an exam." 

I waited for you to reply. I waited for you to tell me that it was good that I decided to attend the class. Nothing. I waited for you to lash at me, telling me that you'll not let me copy your answers again. Nothing. I waited for a simple nod, an acknowledgement that, somehow, you've heard what I said. Again, nothing. 

I sighed, it's not good, you know. I'm not used to the fact that you're not talking to me. I'm not used to your silence. I would rather choose that you shout at me, scream at me, hell, I would rather choose that you slap me so hard even if it meant that my cheeks would be stinging for hours. I would choose anything against the cold shoulder you're giving me. 

And I know, I had to try to make you talk to me. We are approaching our campus now and I want to settle this before you see Kia. Damn! I'm beginning to think of breaking up with her, just so you would talk to me. So, I had to try again. 

"So, what's the menu of the day at the ramen house?" I asked and I was sure I'd get my long awaited response. But asking that question had been a mistake since my mouth started to water and my stomach rumble even if I'd just eaten breakfast. 

It's no surprise, really. The whole town knows that Yukimura-san's ramen house is the best. That's why the place is always hopping with customer and you have to help your father as well though you still have to study, even if you don't need to. You're smart enough as it is. 

But then, I'm really not so sure if your father cooks really well. Because as far as I can remember, you're the one who's cooking for me, especially those times when my mom is too drunk to cook, which is very often. 

Yeah, so I had to be honest that you really do look good in an apron and when your face was glowing from the heat of the fire but I never did tell you that. I know you wouldn't let me live it down for the rest of my life if I say something as stupid and corny as that. You might even think I'm teasing you and you might put some peppers in my ramen, or worse, slap me in return. Kami knows I've already gotten more than my fair share of all the slaps given in this world. 

Oh, where were we before my mind had turned to the slaps you've given me? Such romantics thoughts, huh? Oh yes, getting a response from you. And well, as I've expected, there is none from you. I don't know why you are so stubborn that once you decided not to talk to me, you did just that. 

I sighed again and stole a glance from you and I had to shake my head at your face – it was expressionless. You seemed to master that these past few years when you don't want me to know how mad you really are at me. 

I'm starting to get irritated. You were always like this and it's already tiring me. I wanted to say, 'oh, get over it, you immature girl.' But I didn't. and I wouldn't. Because I know that once those words are out of my mouth, I'll be risking fifteen years of friendship. And I know I can't do that. You know I can't lose you, not now, not ever. 

We have now entered the building and I'll be damned if I let all the people know that you are not speaking to me. I know all of them would go 'hey, good job, Keiko-san, it's about time you wake up from your insanity with being friends with that wretched man.' So I had to try again, for the third time, though I'm really close to exploding. 

"Look, Keiko, I'm really sorry for this," I said as I looked at you straight in the eye. But you seemed to look everywhere but me. However, something flickered in your eye and though it's a sign that you're listening to me, it's still not enough. 

"You know that I would never ever intend to hurt you," I said once again. Of course, I at least expected a snort of disapproval from you. I know that you seemed to think that 90% of all the pain you experienced are because of me (assuming Kia doesn't exist, because, then, the percentage would differ) and that I'm doing it on purpose when I don't go to class, when we fight, when I teased you, and when sometimes I forgot to meet you at the place and time I promised I would. 

And maybe, even if I talk all day, telling you that I didn't mean all that to happen, that I didn't even know it caused you this much pain, I know you still won't believe me and you will still think I'm such an insensitive bastard. I don't know, maybe you are right. How the hell would I know? I'm just born like this, raised like this. 

Your chin rose a notch. Ah, now I know that one. You always do that to me when you're holding a grudge against me. I think I would congratulate myself. I had now interpreted a woman's body language. 

We continued to walk across the crowded hallway and I almost bumped into a wall when we turned left because I was busy looking at you. No, scratch it, staring at you. I don't know how you do that. You know, keeping your gaze away from a person even when you know the person is staring at you so powerfully. 

Maybe because you've encountered lots of people staring at you and you don't want to look at them for you to master that craft. Hn. I want to throttle each and every one of them. They don't have the right to stare at you, you know? It's _rude. _

"Keiko," I started a conversation again for what seemed like the nth time and since the hallway is empty, I mustered enough courage to be bold and got hold of your chin so that you would be forced to look at me. Don't get me wrong, I know what's at stake here. I know that, because of this act of boldness, you might decide to slap me to death. I don't care. It's better than having you ignore me as if I don't exist. 

But you still wouldn't look at me and I guess something inside me snapped. "Dammit, Keiko, would you please say something?" The words are out even before I could think of it and I was so surprised that I had to remove my hand from you. I know my eyes are wild, I never shouted at you before, well, of course, I yelled at you but it's because you're also yelling at me. I never started the yelling, of course, it was you who had the tendency to nag me and I had to yell back so that you would be able to hear what I have to say. So that you would hear my voice despite your own loud voice. 

"I need to go to the bathroom," that's all you said before you walked away from me, chin still up. 

*****CHANGE OF POV***** 

Bathroom. Of course, it's just my sorry excuse so that I could get away from you. Away from all those gentle words that before, I could have sworn you're not capable of saying. 

I turned on the faucet on and as I watched the water flow from it, tears simultaneously flowed from my eyes. I had lost you and today, I need to make myself get used to the fact that from now on, I'll be alone. Damn it all! 

Author's Note: Well, how was it? I know Keiko seemed to be overreacting but I just based this chapter from the experience of a girl-friend of mine with her guy-bestfriend. So I guess she's not really overreacting. 


	2. Slowly Changing

**Author's Note: **Okay, chapter two is up. It took two weeks to update and I'm sorry for that, I was internalizing hoping I would be able to recover my writer's block from my story Stolen Hearts. Anyway, this chapter is kinda long, about 7 pages, so I hope it could compensate for the time you waited. 

READ THIS OR YOU'LL NOT BE ALLOWED TO **FLAME ME**. THIS STORY IS SET AFTER THE WHOLE STORY OF THE YU YU HAKUSHO MINUS THE PROMISE OF YUUSUKE TO KEIKO THAT HE'LL COME BACK AND MARRY HER AFTER THREE YEARS. IN SHORT, IN THIS STORY, YUUSUKE HADN'T CONFESSED (AND DIDN'T KNOW YET) HIS FEELINGS FOR OUR KEIKO. 

**Disclaimers Applied!!! **

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 2: Slowly Changing 

I wasn't overreacting that day and I know I haven't when the whole school had known about you and Miruni. I'm sorry but I still can't bear to be friendly with her much less say her first name. You might think that I'm overreacting and acting very immaturely but, so what? I don't really give a damn. 

On the contrary, I really do. I do really care wherever you're concerned. I was doomed to love you and I was doomed to suffer. I wanted to weep. But not in front of all these people. Not in front of the whole school that believed I am strong enough to let you go. 

I don't know if all of them are that stupid or I'm just a good actress. But I don't really care about them. I have never lived up with their expectation when I befriended you anyway. Why bother now? 

"Hey," Niki Osake greeted as she sat down on the chair beside me. "Wanna talk about it?" 

"Wanna talk about what?" I asked, not really into the conversation. 

"Why your baka bestfriend hurt you the way he did," she said bluntly, just the way she is – blunt. Of course, you knew that, we'd been friends with Niki, Meia, and Hina since we were fourth grade. But I am the one closer to them since I'm also a girl. 

I looked at her and sighed. Obviously, I didn't fool her. Not that I want to, I want to be honest with her and tell her how I really feel about the whole situation but I don't want her pity. I don't want her to know how pathetically I'm being because of you. I don't want anyone to know. 

"It came off as a surprise," I said a little bit too nonchalantly and shrugged. But you know what? I want to tell her that I'm cursing you every second of the day especially when some students dared enough to look at me strangely as if they want to say 'look what Urameshi had done to her after years of friendship. He'd suddenly betrayed her for her arch enemy." 

I heard her sigh and stood up to face me. "Let's go somewhere private," she told me and offered me her hand. I didn't take it; instead, I stared at it dumbly. 

"Why?" I asked, my voice so low I can't almost hear myself. 

"To talk, you stupid girl," she said and ruffled my hair just to annoy me. She's provoking me and she knows I'm trying hard to control my temper. She called me stupid, blast her! 

"Isn't this place good enough for you?" I asked again, understanding so little and not really wanting to understand at all. 

"Sure. It depends on you. If you want the whole world to see you break down," she said. It was cruel. And blunt. She didn't beat around the bush and told me exactly with those words what she intended to talk about. There was no fooling her of what I really feel. 

I wished I could be like her and up to now, I still do. Then maybe, I had long ago told you all of these. But I know I could never be like her. So it all remained as a wish. 

I stood up and followed her. She led me to the rooftop. And I know that the idea is stupid. You could be here and it wouldn't be private anymore. So I looked around and surprisingly, you are not there. Maybe you're off to somewhere with her. And I felt another pang in my stomach. 

"What are you doing?" she asked as I looked around. She might think that I'm losing my mind but I'm not risking myself when you could be here. 

"Yuusuke might be here. He was always up here when he doesn't attend her classes," I said and when I at last knew you were not there, I sat down on the shade that the wall provided. You sat beside me. 

"So, spill," that's all she said and put her arms behind her head as she leaned on the wall. 

"Spill what?" 

"Everything that's inside of you. You look like you're close to exploding, you know. Everyone else, didn't notice but we're your friends, for goddamn sake, you can't possibly fool us with that fake smiles of yours." She said and I know she's right. I couldn't fool them. I couldn't fool you. 

Maybe you knew all along what I feel for you but you just chose to ignore it because you obviously don't want it. And that thought hurt a lot more than I thought it could. Maybe you went after Miruni just to shock me and force me to forget my feelings for you. Obviously, at this rate I'm going, I won't be able to for a long time. 

"I am a fool for loving him," I said simply and tried to distract the tears from forming at the corner of my eyes by looking at different directions at a very fast rate, it almost made my head ache. 

I heard her chuckle. She's laughing at me, damn her! "I wouldn't disagree with that, Keiko, Yuu-kun is a very unlovable person, you know," she said simply that I just have to contradict her. 

"That's not true! You know as well as I do that Yuusuke could be really nice and sweet when he wanted to," I said as memories came rushing back to me. When you boost your ki when you thought Toguro would kill me, the way you always wanted to protect me when we were still children, even up to now, and how you entrusted Puu to me which is the other half of yourself and so much more. 

Yeah, so the thrill of being a Reikai tantei had worn you off, having only minor missions now, and that's the reason why you had to return to school and get back to being the usual troublemaker that you are, now infusing more fear as you have now Kuwabara as your ally. And it breaks my heart that it would never be the same again. Now, I wouldn't be the only woman in your life. 

Niki chuckled again. And I'm starting to get irritated. "What?" I couldn't help but ask. 

"You really love him. And though I don't want to, I can see why. No matter how bad he is, and you know its true, you just have that power in you that could control him. Though he wanted to show the world that he's such a jerk, he showed you all the tenderness he possessed inside. And he's so damn scared that you'll get mad at him, can you believe it?" Niki had the gall to pause and laugh, if she only knew how close I am to grabbing her throat and choking her – "And that's why you love him. Any girl that would be in your position would feel really special by the way he treated you very differently from all others – " 

"He didn't love me back, Niki," I had to interrupt her, so that I wouldn't think, even for a second, that you feel something for me. It would only get my hopes up only to be left hanging again. No, once is enough. I wouldn't dare hope again. But Niki had something else in mind. 

"Don't give up on Yuusuke, Keiko. I know you're the one for him. Though it seems that I don't like him very much and I tend to fight him every time our paths crossed, I know he's a good man for you. He'll be back for you, one way or another. Don't give up on him. He just let his immaturity and boy's senses take over him for now. Once he become a real man, he'll be back for you," Niki said nonchalantly but seriously. 

I looked at her with wide eyes. Fortunately, she didn't notice me – she had her eyes closed and a silly smile on her face. Weird. And those words that she said, what the hell was that supposed to mean? It's the first time Niki isn't blunt. 

"What was that supposed to mean?" I can't help but ask. I know you would never believe me if I told you I asked Niki that question. You had always complained (more times than all of us combined) how Niki could be blunt to a fault. And now I'm asking her what she meant. Ha! 

"You're not dumb, Keiko. Figure it out," she said and smiled at me. "Look, I want you to know that you don't have to act like nothing happened, okay? It's okay to feel hurt and breakdown if you really want to but don't you ever forget that we're always here for you. Yuu-kun isn't your only friend, girl. You've got lots, let us help you out," she said again and stood up and offered me a hand to help me up. 

I took it but I tried to turn away from her gaze. I have to say that I'm crying again, and who would have thought Niki could say those things like friendship and such? It was really a surprise. I know she knew that I am crying but she just chose to ignore it, for that I am thankful. 

I opened my mouth to say something but suddenly forgot all about it when I heard the door opened followed by the familiar sounds of footsteps – yours. 

"What are you doing here?" we asked each other in unison. 

*-*CHANGE OF POV*-* 

"What are you doing here?" I asked and immediately wanted to bang my head on the nearest wall. It was a stupid thing to say but the words are out of my mouth before I knew what I was doing. 

You looked bewildered then shrugged. Obviously, I'm not going to get an answer on that very stupid question of mine. That's when I noticed it. Swollen eyes, red nose and wet cheeks – you were crying and Niki had been looking so damn guilty I would have punched her if she's a man. (A/N: he just thought she's guilty because he's mad and is only looking for a person to blame) 

I felt my ki rise, a familiar thing to happen whenever I thought you had been hurt in one way or another. And I had to ask what was going on before my ki glowed from anger. I wouldn't want to frighten the ningen Niki, of course. 

"Ei, Niki, what have you done to her?" I asked authoritatively though I know fear would fail to register on her. She knew simply too much about me to be afraid of me. So I wasn't really surprised when she raised an eyebrow at me. 

"What have I done to her? Aren't we quite presumptuous? What makes you think it is I who did something and not you?" her question riled me. 

The question had me overcome with guilt even though I was the one accusing her for hurting you. Niki always had that power over me that makes me think I'm so worthless of your attention and friendship and I'll be damned if she tell me I grew pale with what she said. "I didn't do anything to her," I muttered while looking at you, pleading to believe me. 

The woman had the nerve to snort in disbelief. "You didn't do anything to her? Then you didn't do anything to her when you did something to that Miruni chick?' she lashed at me and I was horrified when I realized I couldn't come up with an answer. I was tongue-tied and I could only look at you helplessly. I could have wept when you looked at me indifferently. 

"What is it with that whore that you can't find in our Keiko? How can you betray her that way?" she asked me and when I didn't respond, she muttered, "traitor." 

Full of conviction. 

A verdict. 

Traitor. 

She called me a traitor and I just couldn't let it pass_. I'm not a traitor, goddammit!_

"Don't call me that!" I said angrily that I would have lunged at her if you hadn't stopped me. I almost hit a girl. A friend.

*-*CHANGE OF POV*-* 

"Stop it, both of you," I ordered as I looked at the both of you. It's a good thing Niki shrugged and moved away, knowing that she's going out of line. I turned to you and I saw you blinked at me, as if waking from a trance. You almost hit her.

"I'm sorry," you said, but I'm not really sure if you're apologizing to me or to her because you wouldn't look at either of us. 

"What are you doing here anyway?" I asked, somewhat annoyed by the situation. 

You suddenly looked up and looked at me straight in the eye, I almost looked away at the intensity of your stare. "I was looking for you," you said softly. 

"Why?" I asked, dumbfounded. I took a deep breath when out of the corner of my eye, I saw Niki went to the door to leave the two of us alone. 

"It's time to go home," you said and I guess I still looked a little weird that you continued what you were saying without letting me speak. "I'm walking you home, Kei." 

"Why?" I blurted out, surprised. I didn't expect that after you and Miruni had, well, you know, I expected to see myself walking home alone from now on. What was happening now was quite the opposite. 

You looked at me as if I'd grown another head that I blushed. "I've been walking you home for years and you're only going to ask me now my reasons?" you asked, annoyed. 

"Aren't you going to walk Miruni home?" I asked, thoroughly confused and my facial expression must have given away all my confusion that your eyes softened. 

"I can't just abandon you alone, you know?" you said and shrugged as if it was really no big deal to you. 

This is stupid, and I know it because I know I should feel very special and touched that you still wanted to spend time with me and even wanted to walk me home though you already have a girlfriend. But I felt my spirits die instead. Why? Because you deal with this too nonchalantly as if you just want to fulfill your obligation to me, nothing more. 

"You don't have to do it, you know. I can manage alone," I said softly as I walked past you, eager to leave you behind. You don't have to act as if nothing happened. That nothing would change between us. 

"Don't be stupid," you told me as you grabbed my arm as if assisting me from going down the stairs. I did not protest, the conversation would just go on and on and I knew that I wouldn't change your mind. So I just kept quiet. 

I noticed a few students looking at us strangely as we went back to our room so that I could get my bag. My back stiffened when I heard them whispering things like 'I thought Kia is Yuusuke's girlfriend? How come he's with Keiko-san now?' I knew you heard them, too, because you suddenly out your arms around me, as if wanting to protect me from them, and slowly massaged the tension out of my muscles. 

It sent shivers down my back and I wanted to jerk away from your arms but I had no strength to move away from you. I had no strength to avoid you even knowing the fact that I should – to save myself from further heartaches. 

We are now outside the campus, away from all the whispers and gossips but you still had your arms around me. I started to walk faster, to leave you again so that you would remove your arms around me, but you just walked faster to keep up with me.

"Can you please remove your arms around me?" I asked and turned to glare at you, only to see you blushing as you did what I asked – you removed your arms around me. 

We continued to walk in silence, and maybe, you can't bear the silence again that you have to start a conversation with me again. "What did you and Niki talked about in the rooftop?" 

"Nothing, just stuffs," I said nonchalantly. 

"What exactly are those stuffs?" you asked again. 

"Nothing important. Quit it, Yuusuke," I said, sounding irritated so you wouldn't ask again. Obviously, I was surprised when you still insisted to know. 

"So what if it's nothing important? You used to tell me things even if they're not important," you argued. 

"Used to. Things change, Yuusuke," I said even before I could reconsider what I had in mind. For once, I was blunt. 

Your eyes narrowed as you looked at me. "And what exactly changed?" 

"You're with Miruni now. You can't expect me to treat you the same way I did before," I said, then sighed. Maybe then, you would get my point and stop acting like nothing happened. I know I kept saying that to myself and hoping you would change just to constantly remind myself that something really did happened. 

"And what are you trying to say? That I have to choose between you and Kia?" you asked in a way that warned me not to let you choose, because _you would not definitely choose me_. 

"I did not say that," I said defensively. At this point, we are already in front of the ramen house and I would have escaped this conversation by getting inside had you not grabbed my arms, just enough to stop me but not to hurt me. 

"Then what? Are you trying to say I'm a traitor just because I dated your enemy?" you asked, now looking at me angrily. 

"I did not say that," I repeated, this time, weakly. As I am helpless to stop this scene from happening. 

"The hell you didn't! You implied it!" you said, your temper flaring. This is bad and I knew it but I can't do anything about it. 

"I did no such thing!" I said defensively and loudly just to get my message across. I knew you very much that I am sure that when you're mad like this, you wouldn't hear a thing from the person you're mad at – me. 

"You may say so, but your eyes deceived you, Yukimura Keiko, they're screaming out loud how you think I'm a traitor and that I betrayed you," you accused and all the strengths I had gathered to protest, vanished. 

"That's not true," I muttered as tears fell from my eyes. This is what I've wanted, right? For you to act differently towards me, as it is very seldom for you to get mad at me. Come to think of it, this may really be the first time since all we had were petty quarrels and I usually do the yelling first, not you. 

"You know what, Kei," you began in a very calm voice that my heart raced. I think it is better if we would not talk to each other for a while," you said and, without looking at me, turned to leave, leaving me there rooted on the spot – shocked. 

Author's Note: Oooh, cliffhanger. I like!!! Review or I will leave you hanging for a long while (kidding!). Wait, some clarifications, this is a first point of view story so this is purely what I thought the characters would feel given these situations, they're not exactly facts and you might find things that are contradicting. Like when in Yuu's POV, he can't lose Kei, but in Kei's POV, she thought Yuu would choose Kia over her. Contradicting, huh? Oh well, next, the characters seemed OOC, especially Yuusuke, I don't care, I like him like that, made me almost fall in love with him myself and want to punch him at the same time for his stupidity, hehe. And lastly, review!!! It's always appreaciated. 


	3. From Bad to Worse

**Author's Note: **Oh my god, here is the third chapter in this very dramatic and emotional fic of mine. I also want to thank all of you readers who took time to review even if this is just my first fanfic about Yuusuke and Keiko. 

**DEDICATION: **I would like to dedicate this chapter to my very good friend and cousin, Ching. (this one's for you, sis!) 

**COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS: **

KagomeWannabe – really, you started crying? I never thought I could invoke such emotions with just my words. Wow, I was inspired. 

Leigh – if Keiko tell him, then this fic would be over, don't you think? *smile* this is going to be a happy ending, so don't worry 

Water Guardian / Rose Angel – I'm sorry but I have to confess as early as now that I adore cliffhangers as long as I'm the one writing them. I know I'm evil, yes! 

Mutsumi – wala lang, special mention ka lang kasi friend kita (naks, favoritism!). hoy, update mo na story mo. 

And to all the rest, I thank you still: wilting rose, heerosgurl, keiko urameshi, kanojosupastar, yukohana, xolilgurlpopox, bheiby waterhearts, desiree. 

I've delayed you long enough…the next installment. 

**Disclaimers Applied!!! **

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 3: From Bad to Worse 

Will anyone be surprised if I told anyone that I didn't get any sleep that night after you turned away from me? I guess no one will. 

But I'll tell you someone who's surprised – me. Hell, yes, I was more than surprised when you suggested we should not speak to each other anymore and that you truly believed that that's the solution to our problems. Problems that you yourself had created. 

After all those years of friendship, I can't believe you can so easily say something like that to me as if I never meant anything to you at all. Yeah, so I admit that I often threatened not to speak to you again whenever you did something to me that made my blood boil, but we both know that that's all there is to it – threats. I never intend to act on it. I never really had the courage to ignore you especially when you're trying your damndest to say sorry (though awkwardly) that I always find cute. 

But now, well, let's just say that the past three weeks had been the worst weeks of my life as you are really determined not to acknowledge my existence. I'm so tired of walking home alone, eating lunch with the girls and helping in the ramen house when I could be doing all of those things with you. 

And because I'm a martyr when it comes to you, I'm willing to call a truce. To call it quits as I can now see that it is only I who suffers without you. I am willing to risk my heart again even if the pain of knowing you chose her over me broke my heart into a thousand pieces. 

"What's that?" Meia asked me the moment I sealed the letter of 'asking a truce' for you. I almost jumped in shock. 

"Meia, don't you ever do that to me again!" I told her and she just grinned at me that I had to shake my head in exasperation. 

"You didn't answer my question. I asked you what was that," she said and pointed at the letter I'm holding. 

"I'm calling it a truce," I said simply and I looked around, making sure no one's looking at us, then slipped the letter inside one of your books before I could completely lose my nerve and take it back. 

"Why?" she asked in a very innocent voice that I looked at her in astonishment. Meia isn't what you can call stupid, more of like the opposite because she had always been a good student, though not up to my league, as you often told me. And now she's asking me why I'm calling it a truce? "I can't take it anymore, Mei. It's so damn hard," I manage to choke out. 

She shrugged then, "You give too much of yourself, Kei. Don't lower your pride any lower than it is. He'll only hurt you more," she told me even though she knew I would not listen. I don't know when exactly, but there was once a point in my life when I stopped listening to advices when it concerns you. I've come to realized that I always knew what I am doing, even now when everything was a mess. 

"You don't know how I feel. I am willing to give my life if it will save his," I said even before I could stop myself. Up to now, I have to confess that Shizuru still teased me the way I was shocked when you fought Chuu and the way I breakdown with the way you're fighting for your life. Ha! Like I would ever confess that to Meia. 

"Come on, Kei, don't be ridiculous. You can't love him that much, it'll kill you," she said rather worriedly and I almost laughed when she put her hand on my forehead to find out if I have a fever. "No, you're fine so I can't be delirious," she said as a matter-of-factly. 

"Whatever," I said then stood up to leave. I still have to go to the library to study for the big exam next week. "Hey, Mei, can I ask you a favor? Great! Make sure Yuusuke read the letter, huh? Just think of something, okay? You're the best," I said, pointedly ignoring her 'dumbfoundedness' as she still haven't replied if she'll do it or not, but I already turned her back on her, my moods drastically improved. Nothing now could ever go wrong. 

***CHANGE OF POV*** 

It suddenly worsened that afternoon. I thought nothing could never beat the way I was those blasted three weeks, but, boy, was I wrong. So wrong. If only I hadn't said those words out loud. I didn't mean to say that we should not talk to each other anymore, but I said it anyway. And I know that it hurt you. 

Damn! And now, I'm too shy and frightened to even apologize to you now that you seem to do well without me. But, what if you just realized that you no longer need me? What if you'd really rather let our friendship end just like that? 

Then it would be all my fault! I need to do something quick now. But then, "I'm jealous of Yuki-chan, is it okay if you won't be together for some time now 'til I can adjust to her?" Yuki-chan is what Kia called you in our conversation, from your surname, Yukimura. 

Oh no, what trouble! I forgot that Kia asked me now to talk to you for awhile because she's jealous of you. Of course, that time, though we're not speaking with each other, I wanted to say, "Well, you should be. Keiko is worth more than a thousand girlfriend the whole world can offer me," but I didn't. How can I when I know it's not a proper thing to say to a girlfriend. She might decide to suddenly break up with me and it's barely a month since we started dating. 

Back to reality, I was about to beat some shit to a guy who was looking at me strangely when Meia approached me. "Hey, Yuu-kun!" 

I turned and smiled at her goofily. It was great. I could never smile like that with Kia, she might get turned-off. And besides, I have to act so proper and polite every time I'm with her, I'm afraid I'm turning into another Shuichi Minamino. (A/N: sumimasen, my beloved Ku-chan!) 

"Can I borrow your Chemistry book? I lend mine to Niki," she asked and I just shrugged. "Sure," I mumbled. 

Like I care about the stupid book, anyway. I only brought it for appearance, you know. So that Kia won't think I'm a complete idiot. I would have brought the History book as it's lighter than the Chemistry book but I remembered that it's three weeks since my room had been cleaned. That is, because we haven't been talking for three weeks, you never came to my house anymore to clean my room. Needless to say, my History book might be buried underneath all those trash in my room. 

I was about to exit the room and go to the rooftop to be alone for some time but Meia called me again. "Hey Yuu-kun?" 

I turned to her again, "Yeah?" 

"I saw this sheet of paper here. I think it's for you," she said as she handed me a neatly folded sheet of paper. But it has no name or whatsoever in it so I opened it. It was a short note, and judging by the handwriting of it, I knew it was yours. I nodded at Meia then turned away from her to read the letter in private. 

_I understand that we haven't been talking to each other for quite some time and the dance this Saturday is a good opportunity for us to patch things up. Would you like to come with me?_

Short and straight to the point. But it was enough to make me crumple it, though I did not threw it away. Why? I'm not mad or angry at you for doing this, but, yes, I'm mad and angry. And do you wanna know why? 

Because I know I'm going to hurt you again. I want to go to the dance with you, but Kia already asked me to take her, and I agreed. And because of this, I have to say no to you. 

And you know I can't say no to you. Ever since we were young, I made it a point to hide from you when I don't want to watch a movie with you. Why again? Because I won't be able to say 'no' to you when you ask me to. And during those unfortunate moments that you find me, I know you had a hard time dragging me along. 

I looked at the crumpled paper in my hand and I had the sudden urge to punch the first guy I see. Damn! What have I done to deserve this kind of punishment? This kind of dilemma? One thing's for sure, I could not say no to you. 

***CHANGE OF POV*** 

I should have stayed home that night. What's the use in going to this blasted dance when I have no guy to accompany me now? But no, those three girls had practically forced me into a decent dress and dragged me here. And I ended up sitting with them on a vacant table, drinking some punch. 

I tried to have a good time, I really did, because I know they're doing this for me. They're doing this so that, even a little, my spirits would be lifted. So that, even for a few hours, I would be able to forget how hurt I am when I did not receive a reply from you. 

Damn it, a simple, "I'm sorry, I can't" or even, "No." would have been better than no reply at all. 

"Maybe he never read the letter. You put it inside his book, right? And you know he never open his book," Hina told me, determined to give me hope. 

"No, Meia had informed me that she had personally seen Yuusuke read the letter," I said as Meia nodded her head. 

"How about he forgot to reply? You know how –" 

"That's not possible, we see each other everyday, you know," I said and shook my head at her. 

"But, Kei," Hina began again, "What if he can't go with you because he's going with Miruni that's why he did not reply. Maybe he thought it would hurt you more if he said no to you." 

"Hello?" Niki said, already irritated as she sipped her punch, "this is Yuu-kun we're talking about. Since when did he become sensitive when it comes to that kind of things?" 

Just then, I saw you enter the hall with Miruni looking really smug as she hold your arm. I looked at you and tried to catch your eye but you wouldn't look at me and I just mentally shook my head. They continued talking about you and it was just making me sadder that I have to stop them, "Look, can we please change the topic and stop thinking about them?" 

"But Kei –" Hina began when Niki interrupted her by glaring at her. That sent her shutting her mouth. Obviously, Hina is the only one left in our group who still had a complete faith in you and who still believe that a romance is capable to enter our friendship. Poor girl. 

***CHANGE OF POV*** 

I can feel you look at me but I refused to look at you. Because I know I wouldn't be able to go through this night if I see you looking hurt because of me. 

I looked for a vacant table where Kia and I can sit and talk in private but she had already dragged me in the dance floor to dance. At that moment, while I was doing a very awkward way of dancing to the tune of the music, I've wished that it was you I'm with. Of course, not in a romantic sense. 

We've gone to this same kind of dance more than I care to count so we already knew about what we both feel about dancing. And if it's you I'm with right now instead of Kia, which I have to constantly remind myself that she's my girlfriend now, we would be goofing around the dance floor and playing around like maniacs. We both know I don't know how to dance and not once did you forced me to. 

Of course, when a slow song would play, I would always ask you to dance because I know deep inside of me that I owe you just even that. I'm not a complete idiot when it comes to dancing, actually. I can dance to a slow song, if it qualifies as dancing. It isn't really that hard, when all I need to do is hold the girl close to me and simply sway a little. 

Of course, you can stay still while holding each other but that would be too awkward. I sighed. I can't take the awkwardness anymore so I asked Kia to sit down but she wouldn't let me: "I wouldn't be caught sitting down when I could have fun dancing," she told me. Needless to say, I remained with her. 

Then, the first few tunes began. It was a slow song, one that we're so familiar with. Kia pulled me closer towards her and slowly moved to the tune. But subconsciously, my eyes wander around to look for you, my soul searched for you, and my arms ached to feel you in it. And my mood further deteriorated when I realized that it was Kia I'm dancing with and not you. It was Kia I'm dancing with to this song. Our song. 

***CHANGE OF POV*** 

I cried. I cried in front of all these people just because I caught you dancing with her to our song. It's supposed to be me you're dancing with. You should at least have enough decency to sit down on that song out of respect for me. 

"Here," Niki said as she offered me a tissue. 

I took it and wiped all the tears away. It's useless, because the tears kept falling, anyway. "He danced with her to our song, Niki," I mumbled. 

"I know," she said but her expression told me that she's gritting her teeth to control her anger. It was a hundred and eighty degrees turn that did that to her. When we had that talk in the rooftop, she still have a complete faith in you that you could never ever deliberately hurt me that way. 

When she found out that you told me to stop talking to each other, all her hopes went down the drain. She said it was cruel of you, and I can't help but agree. Then, the no-response letter. It was the final straw for her that she told me to stop being stupid because you're not worth all the tears and I deserve someone better. And for the first time, I'm going to listen to their advice. Because I've realized that she's right. It was time to move on. 

"Do you want to go home?" she asked me and I just nodded at her. I couldn't bear to stay anymore and watch you throw back to my face all the things I've done for you. 

Niki sighed and stood up to talk to Hina and Meia. Then, after a few minutes, she returned with the two of them, "Let's go," she told me. 

"I'm sorry, you could all stay here and have fun, I can go home alone," I said then stood up and grabbed my purse. 

"Nonsense, it's okay, you know? I don't want to see the bastard having a good time while I know you're suffering," Niki said and ushered the three of us towards her car. 

"Look, I'm out of the way and I don't want to trouble you," I told Niki again but she just raised an eyebrow at me, "Okay," I muttered and as I turned to open the car door, I saw you just behind me. 

***CHANGE OF POV*** 

"I can take you home," I said the moment you looked at me. It was hard escaping Kia. I reasoned out that I had to go to the bathroom so she would allow me out of her sight. It wasn't part of my plan for the night to talk to you but I didn't mean to dance with her to our song, either. And I guess I have to apologize for what I've done. And maybe, if I found the courage, tell you that dancing with her to our song just didn't felt right at all. Maybe because the song belonged only to us. 

But before you could answer, Niki already shoved you behind her and glared at me with all the hatred she's capable of possessing. "I don't think so, she's coming with us," she said. 

But I wouldn't be swayed that easily. "It's okay. I'm going home, anyway. We can talk on the way, Kei," I said, though I'm not so sure if I'm talking to you or to Niki. It sounds like I'm asking Niki's permission to walk you home. 

"She came here with us, she's leaving with us," Niki said and crossed her arms in front of her as if daring me to contradict her. 

"But, Niki, look, why don't you let Keiko decide? I really need to talk to her," I said, my voice almost pleading. 

"We can talk some other time, Yuusuke," you suddenly said that I looked at you, confused. I was so sure you would not deny me, and here you are, telling me we could talk some other time when we have a misunderstanding to settle. 

"You heard her, Yuusuke," Niki said but I paid no attention to her. 

"What? You want to talk some other time? You want to talk some other fucking time? What the hell's the matter with you? Look, I want to apologize for not going with you tonight –" 

"I said we can talk some other time," you repeated, in a very peculiar calm voice, I was starting to wonder if you're feeling anything at all about what's happening between us. I didn't notice when Niki got into the car to give us the privacy to talk (which, by the way was nice of her) because something inside me snapped. 

"Dammit!" I roared and punch the nearest wall I could reach. It cracked though did not gave way because I didn't use enough force to it. "What's happening to us, Kei? Just tell me what's wrong with us," I pleaded, and I guess, deep inside of you, you heard the anguish in my voice because you looked down and fixed your gaze on the ground. 

"Keiko, talk to me," I asked, my voice low and fragile, thick with tears. 

"I'm tired, Yuusuke." 

"Tired of what? Tired of me? Please, let's just settle this between us," I said and almost begged on my knees. 

"We can talk tomor –" 

"Tomorrow? What's the matter, Kei? Why tomorrow? This time is as good as any time," I said, as I felt the pain inside my chest. 

"It'll be rude if you'll just leave your girlfriend there, Yuusuke. Let's talk tomorrow," you said but the guilt for Kia you wanted me to feel failed to register in me as I'm desperate now for you. 

"Just talk to me, Kei, please." 

"Yuusuke –" 

"What's the matter with you? Don't you care about me? Don't you care about our fifteen years of friendship?" I asked, almost getting hysterical with the situation. All I wanted was to talk to you but you can't grant me even that. 

"I could ask the same thing to you when you told me we should stop talking to each other," you said quietly. 

"I was wrong, alright? I don't know what I was doing that time," I said, rather defensively but deep inside, I know you were right. I started all of these and now I'm suffering the consequences. 

"Look, on the contrary, maybe we should not talk at all," you said, irritated, and I was so surprised with what you said that all I can do was look at you, shocked. 

"I guess it's about time I tell you what I really feel about this whole damn thing. I'll just get one thing straight, once and for all. I could never be your friend while you were dating her. Call me immature, call me selfish. Take it as if I'm making you choose between her and me, I don't care. I can't pretend that I like her and I won't even try to pretend so why don't you just go back to her?" you told me and the very same thing that I'm dreading to happen just unfolded in front of my eyes, bursting and creating ripples of shock inside my body. 

"Goodbye, Yuusuke," you told me and turned away from me, just as I did to you three weeks ago, as I watched you went inside the car and left me, taking with you my soul as you end the fifteen years of friendship I fought for with my whole life to maintain. 

Author's Note: This chapter is my favorite among the three and you might notice that because this is longer than the other two. You know why? Because this happened in real life. But not to me, I guess my real life role here is the character if Niki, the Keiko in my life really cried to me that night because the bastard danced with a girl on the three consecutive songs that are the favorites of my friend. I even cried when she poured all her heartaches on me about the guy. They are bestfriends, too, and they were having trouble that time, too. 

PS: Review, please!!! 


	4. He Called Me Pretty

**Author's Note: **The next installment. I don't like the emotions in this chapter because I don't really feel it when I was writing this. I feel like it's artificial, or something like that. But, what the heck, that's just my opinion, and maybe yours would be different.

**COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:**

Deadkitty1- thank you for the compliment. I'll treasure it for a long while.

WaterGuardian – really? You think Yuusuke is in love with Kia, I think it was the other way around. Well, you better watch out for the next chapter to get to know Kia.

KagomeWannabe- guess I better stop writing things that make you cry. I don't want my friends to cry because of me. Lol

Bishounen lover – that's you, right? Well, I thank you for reading all my stories. I think you're the only one (except my real friend, mutsumi) who's doing that.

Cuddles – who are you? You're starting to freak me out

Mutsumi- napilitan ka lang ata magreview, e. lol. I'll be watching out for your Impossible Reality

Leigh, SNIFF SNIFF, Yukohana, Adam, SilverMoonsBlackWings – I thank you for your reviews, I hope you won't get tired of me and my stories. 'til next time

**Disclaimers Applied!!!**

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 4: He Called Me Pretty 

I'm going to admit that its not easy saying all those things to you. And up to now, I still don't have any idea to where my strength came from to say all those things to you. I'm not really sure, but maybe, I'm just spending too much time with Niki that I'm slowly becoming blunt, too.

And because of that newfound bluntness, I've managed to end the fifteen years of friendship I ever had. But I want you to know that it didn't sit well with me. Even Niki had scolded me for doing that. She said it was a very harsh decision and a very cruel thing to do that even you don't deserve that kind of treatment.

Maybe the world had really gone crazy. You want to know why? First, you dated my enemy, next, you said we should stop talking to each other, then when you apologized, I said that maybe ,we REALLY should stop talking to each other. Lastly, Niki and I are fighting over you.

Now, that thing is as normal as it can be, as we're always fighting about you. What's crazy about it is that, for the first time in my life, she's taking your side and defending you because I was _cruel_ to you. The world has really gone mad.

Actually, it wasn't that hard moving on with my life because you seemed to be avoiding me now because of what I've said.

Yeah, I'll totally be honest that it hurts me, too, but, what can I do? It's not like being alone never happened to me before. Those three weeks when we didn't talk had somehow toughen me up. And I'm pathetically sure that I can live without you though I'm suffering from a broken heart.

I'd have to say that your attitude worsened as you now don't come to school if you feel like it. Which meant that the rooftop, now tends to be empty most of the time. On the days you come to school, you made sure you exchanged seats with another person so that you won't have to sit beside me. And because of that, the whole school had now known that Yukimura Keiko and Urameshi Yuusuke are officially not friends anymore.

If anything, the whole school didn't like the idea. They were stupid, I just realized. Back then, they didn't like the idea that we're friends, but now, they still don't like the idea that we're not. They are a confusing lot. 

But there is a reason behind their change of heart. And it surely made me laugh when I learned about it. It is because your attitude worsened and now, you seemed to pick a fight with simply anyone. If it were possible, the whole school grew more afraid of you.

I don't know where they got the crazy idea but I just heard from the gossips that I had so much control over you that I had been able to control you for so long. Control you?! Ha! If they only knew how I hardly care even if you roll on the dirt during one of your brawls and that it would only matter to me when you're fighting someone who can retaliate, because then, I know you would come back to me with your bruised face, a broken hand, and if the enemy's lucky, a broken nose, and I have to take care of it.

It's not like I don't like the idea that I have to care for you; on the contrary, it's kind of romantic that you run to me. It's just that, it pained me to see you all purple and swollen because of it.

I guess you won't run to me now, huh? And I just hope Miruni has the patience to treat your wounds, too.

But that idea didn't bother me as much as the idea that you changed did. I'm finding it hard to believe that you could become this cold to others. I don't know, it's just so…unlike you. And this thought bothered me.

I guess I just believed that you're doing this, or being like this because of what I've said that night at the dance. And a very little part of me who still believed in you kept nagging me that maybe, you are doing this so that you could catch my attention and I would take pity on you. A part of me wanted to believe that this is what you'll become without me in your life – a cold bastard who's angry at the whole world. Lost and broken.

But I did not dare believed and I wouldn't dare. I guess no matter how much I love you and even knowing that I'll continue loving you even after all this, I just couldn't find it in me to believe and have faith.

What a surprise! I never thought there would come one day that I would grow tired of being there for you, of serving you and caring for you. And again, it didn't sit well with me.

Sometimes at night, when I lay in my bed and I can't sleep for some unknown reason, I find myself thinking if I've made the right decision about you. That is, breaking the friendship and all. And up until now, I still don't know the answer to that question.

One thing's for sure, I miss my friend. The Yuusuke I've known before Miruni came. And if ever that Yuusuke came back to me again, I'm going to take him back wholeheartedly.

***CHANGE OF POV***

I miss my friend. The old Yukimura Keiko I've come to adore and love. Not the Keiko now.

I don't know why I haven't noticed it before but ever since Kia came, you slowly changed. I can't even remember the last time you smiled at me maybe because it happened a long time ago already.

Ever since Kia, there's always this haunted look in your eyes that pained me every time I'm with you. Why? Because even if we're together, I can't seem to reach you. You were so engrossed with your pain and emotions, you built a wall around you that even I can't penetrate. I – your very best friend. Or I guess, ex-best friend.

Of course, I'm not blaming you for what had happened. I know that it is I who did that to you. Who slowly changed you into something that even I don't understand and know. And if ever I would be given the chance to change you back to the same, old, bubbly, smart and witty Yukimura Keiko I've known, I know I will. No doubt about it.

I sighed then kicked a pebble I found on the street. I feel so pathetic hiding behind this tree across your house, waiting for you to come out and go to school when about two months ago, I was sitting inside talking to Yukimura-jisan while I wait for you to come down.

If only I'm not such a coward, I'll just go straight and approach you and ask if I could walk you to school just like I used to do. But I'm afraid you would just ignore me and pretend that you're not seeing and hearing anything at all. And it would only just frustrate me and maybe, I will do something that could increase further your anger towards me.

I don't know what I'm doing at all. All I know is that it didn't sit well with me that you're walking to and from school alone. There are many bad guys on the street and damn if I would ever let them hurt you. So, maybe, in my own silent and cowardly way, I would still be able to protect you if needed – that is, by following you behind every morning and late afternoon.

Yeah, I've been doing this since I told you that we should stop talking to each other, but I don't know why. Maybe it's out of habit or maybe it's because of the feeling of wanting to protect. I don't know, my head hurts every time I tried to think about it so I let it be and I do what I want to do.

And then, you came out. You waved to your father before going on your way and I carefully followed within a good distance. Everyday, though I've always failed to come up with a good reason for following you if ever you'll discover me, there's this yearning inside of me that you find out what I'm doing for you. Up to what extent I'm willing to do just for you.

And maybe, you'll soon realize that I'm doing this for you alone and that I won't easily let go of you or our friendship. Then, you'll find it in your big heart to forgive me. But you didn't find out, after a total of six weeks. And I don't know if I should feel relived or frustrated.

I sighed and looked down on the ground while walking. And I had to refrain myself from kicking the empty can I saw lying around because you might hear me do it. Instead, I lifted my head and looked at you.

You were still walking when you suddenly stopped that my heart started to beat faster. Here it goes, I thought. You now felt that someone is following you. Before I could think, I hid behind the trunk of the tree just in time when you turn around.

_Whew, close call!_ I said to myself then sighed in relief as I took a peek at you to know if you're still looking at my direction. What I saw made me heart break.

Even with the distance of ten meters, I saw the pained look in your eyes, the tired expression of your face, the slumping of your shoulders when you found out that you're _alone_. I felt the loneliness of the aura you emitted and it pained me to know that it is I who did that to you.

And as if my torment is not enough, you just let your tears fall from your face and I am helpless to stop it from happening. To stop you from crying.

What a coward I really am. I thought I'm doing all of these to protect you but I can't even protect you from your tears. From the pain I've caused you. From me. Because I failed you.

I tore my gaze away from you and leaned back on the tree I used as my hiding place. Surrendering to the moment, I let a tear escaped from my eyes.

As tears flow from your face, this single tear traveled down my cheek, to my chin, and eventually dropped, making a blot on the shirt that I'm wearing, symbolizing all the regret I'm feeling, the end of friendship, the loss of the most important person in my life.

Then, the fleeting moment passed; and eventually disappeared. And I am able to gather my courage again to take a peek at you, only to realize that you have continued your way again to school.

I followed you again and when I saw you enter the school's premises and greeted an acquaintance, I sighed, turned around and walked away. My duty for you today is done.

***CHANGE OF POV***

I can't understand what had happened there a while ago. For a while, I felt your presence there and was suddenly engulfed with sadness.

It suddenly turned to loneliness when I turned around and found myself alone. And once again, after that fateful night at the dance, my emotions that was hardened and frozen by all the betrayal and pain you had inflicted me, broke; and I found myself crying after a month of not being able to.

When I finished it off that night, I know it would be difficult but I never thought it was impossible. Yes, I may say sometime ago that its not as hard, I'm doing it for about six weeks, but I became lifeless. Without you, I am a living dead. Living but not really alive. Continuing my life but there's no life at all. _What an irony!_

It took a while before I could stop and collect my emotions again. I blinked and wiped the tears away then plastered a smile on my face. I just remembered that I have classes to attend. A life to live. But what's the use of the life of Yukimura Keiko without sharing it with Urameshi Yuusuke?

I'm sorry but no matter how smart you claim I am, that is one question I simply can't answer.

"Yuki-chan!" Deri Omako greeted me with the same syrupy voice she use whenever she approach me.

"Hello," I mumbled. I don't really like her. Need you ask? Deri is a friend of your beloved Miruni.

"Why, you're getting prettier and prettier everyday. I wonder what your secret is to do that," she said and smiled that practiced smile of hers.

I kept quiet and looked at the campus building to let her know indirectly that I am not interested in having a conversation with her.

But, its either she's too insensitive or she's doing it on purpose. "So, how are you and Yuu-kun doing? I haven't seen you together anymore," she said. Then a smile.

That smile is slowly driving me crazy but I refused to let her have the satisfaction of seeing me sad because of the topic she chose for our _conversation_. "We're doing fine."

Deri's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? But I thought –"

"Kei!" Niki shouted and I almost sighed in relief. _Saved! _I thought to myself. "Listen, Deri, I need to get going," I said and not waiting for an answer, dashed towards Niki.

"Thanks for the rescue," I said and smiled at her in relief.

"No prob. Was she harassing you?" she asked as she waved at some acquaintances.

"No. Just annoying me," I said then stopped at the door of my classroom. "Well, see you later," I said.

Niki nodded at me before going on her way to her classroom. I stood at the door, watching her, then, when I saw her enter her classroom, I entered mine and sat on my chair need the window.

Unconsciously, I glanced at the chair beside me and sighed. How quickly I had forgotten all the happy times we've been together. How fast the two of us have thrown away our fifteen years of friendship that had molded us together to what we are today. And because of what?

Because of one person. Miruni Kia. How bitter our fate are for it to end just like this. But what can I do if this is really the way it's supposed to be? Nothing, right?

Regrets. That's what I'm feeling right now, right? Regret that it all ended so quickly. I sighed as I relived the memories we have together. Yeah, it was sad knowing it will never happen again.

"Hi," a guy about your height, with dark brown hair and a contagious smile, greeted me. Omi Zekuna.

"Hello," I said and smiled in return. I told you his smile is contagious.

"Is Yuusuke coming to class?" he asked but his stare made me stop myself from looking away from him, which became a habit to me whenever someone would inquire me about you.

"I don't think so," I answered truthfully. _It's true_, I said to myself, based from my experience, you seldom attend the class so it is right to assume you wouldn't attend today. "Why?" I can't help but ask.

It's not like Omi has a business with you. He's a good student so its impossible that you had a fight with him.

"Would you mind terribly much if I sit beside you today?" he asked and flashed me his pleading eyes.

I had to chuckle. So, he just wanted to sit on your chair that's why he asked me if you're attending the class. "The chair is yours," I said and smiled again at him when he looked at le gratefully.

"You got a good view from here," I heard him say but I'm not sure what it meant.

"Excuse me?"

"You know, the board," he said and smiled sheepishly. "I sat way back and sometimes I can't read what the teacher is writing on the board."

"Oh," I said just as the professor entered and greeted the class.

It was only a one-hour class but if you've got nothing to do, the time could really drag. But now, I didn't notice the time as Omi humored me with his stories and jokes. Right there and then, my impression on him changed.

Before, I thought Omi Zekuna is just a weak man who only cared about his grades. More of like Kurama-kun. Well, not really because under the façade of Shuichi Minamino, Kurama is a cunning youko thief who could get into mischief just like you could.

 I never once thought that Omi could be like that. Not until he started telling me all his stories about his childhood escapades, all his pranks and everything. And in no time at all, I found myself controlling my giggle from escaping from me.

He was so good a company that I never realized that we were making that much noise until the professor cleared his throat and looked at us sternly. "Ms. Yukimura and Mr. Zekuna, if you would like to tune down your voices, the class would surely appreciate it."

"I'm sorry, sensei," both of us said in unison then Omi looked at me and winked. I found myself smiling at that; and blushing a little.

Just when the class was about to end, the professor had announced that there's a paper our class was supposed to write in pairs – a boy and a girl since our class has the same number of boys and girls.

_At least, we get to pick our partners_, I thought to myself just as the professor announced that the partners will be according to the arrangement of surnames of the boys and girls.

I almost groaned at that. Alphabetically? What the heck? Urameshi is close to Yukimura! What would I do if I got stuck in a paper with you?

Then a solution came into my mind. I'll make the project alone then submit it. And since I can't let you fail, I'll put your name in it, too, and pretend that we both did it. I know you would agree with me. You'll earn a grade even if you didn't do anything. What can a student ask?

Just then, I heard the professor called out. "Yukimura Keiko, your partner would be Zekuna Omi. That's all, class dismissed," the professor said before leaving the room.

I am still sitting down, shocked, when Omi winked at me. "If it isn't my lucky day, I spent the whole time talking to a pretty girl, then got myself paired off with the smartest girl in school," he said.

I blushed at his compliment. I still can't believe that I'm paired with him, instead of you, for the project. It would be easier now, I can't help but think. _He called me pretty!_

Author's Note: Whew, another chapter done. Sorry if I've been updating irregularly now, I'm nearing my final exams and I've got lots of schoolworks to do. Wish me luck!!!

PS: Review!!! Review!!! Review!!!


	5. Damn!

**Author's Note: **Sorry if this chapter took to long to come out. But don't worry about it, I think I made a very good chapter 5 (lol). Besides, this chapter is 1.5 page long in an MS word, so I hope it might make up for the long time you spent waiting.

**COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:**

Rose Angel – I'm not going to say anything, just wait for it, ne? lol

Leigh – I hope this chapter will make your trying a little easier

KagomeWannabe – I'm not even published 1/3 of this fic so it isn't nearly over. About your friend, well, I kinda feel sorry that she/ he can't review but it's nice knowing that my fic is being read. That's enough for me.

Soul 141 – the only thing I can say is that I won't kill Omi in this fic (contrary to what you suggested, lol)

Water Guardian – wow, what a long review! About your inquiry on balancing my life, I don't sleep anymore so that I could write (lol), no, seriously, I do the writing on weekends. I never watch TV, I think it's a waste of time, (except when I'm watching anime) my social life evolve in school and Friday nights. 

Msmelanie – thank you, I'll take that as a very good compliment

Onitna – I can relate to that, too, lol

Kimmy – I hope my fic would make you review more

Mutsumi, SNIFF SNIFF, bishounen lovah, animegirl, SSCherry Blossom II – I can't think of a comment to your reviews but I still appreciate it a lot

**Disclaimers Applied!!!**

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 5:  Damn!

I could have continued like this for a long while hadn't I sensed a change in you. Two more weeks had passed since I shed a tear for you and I continued to follow you still when you go to school or go home.

Sometimes, when I feel the urge to see you more, I attend the class so that I could stare at you. I don't own the chair beside you anymore. I guess somewhere between my absence, you gave that to the class. So now, I have to sit on the back.

I don't really mind, I'm happy just staring at your back and reminiscing the old times. I know, you don't have to tell me that I'm being pathetic over this but, somehow, a part of me can't really accept that you're gone and that I've truly lost you.

I know that what I'm doing is wrong, Hina had to tell me to stop stalking you, but I don't care. It seems to me that without you, Urameshi Yuusuke is nothing. Yeah, I'm being dramatic and sentimental again but I'm telling the truth. Ever since that night at the dance, I've never been truly myself.

"Yuu-kun," I heard her whine and I had the urge to smile sheepishly at the woman beside me but I remembered that it was not you I'm with.

"What?" I muttered as we are in the movie house.

Kia snuggled closer to me and pouted her lips. "You are not paying attention to the movie," she said.

"I hate romantic movies," I told her even before I could think. Well, its true, why should I pretend to like it when I don't?

But Kia seemed to take it the wrong way, "So you're saying you don't like my taste in movies?"

I looked at her, slightly irritated, "I did not say that, Kia. I'm a guy and guys don't like romantic movies. It's sissy stuff," I said, and when she did not say anything, "come here, give me a kiss."

But Kia jerked away from me, "You should at least try to appreciate it because you're my boyfriend. What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I denied and when I saw people beginning to look at us, "Calm down, sweetie, you're making a scene."

But Kia paid no heed to what I said, "I'll make a damn scene if I want to. You're not paying any attention to me."

"Alright, let's get out of here," I said, grabbed her hand and dragged her outside. I don't know what's the matter with her, _honestly._

Back then, when you managed to drag me to a romantic movie (which was very seldom), you don't say a thing even if I fell asleep all throughout the movie, just as long as you have someone with you. Well, maybe you do say something, but it's only a 'you're horrible' and after I smiled at you sheepishly, you'll just shake your head at me as we go out of the movie house to get something to eat.

But now, "At least I didn't sleep while we're inside," I yelled at her.

"So now you wanted to sleep in there? You're not paying any attention to me!" she yelled as tears gathered at the corner of her eyes.

"Now, listen here, Kia," I said sternly, but when I saw her walk away, "Alright, I'll take you home."

"No need, I can manage," she said coldly but it didn't made me shiver just like when you talked to me in that icy voice of yours when you got mad at me.

"Kia- "

"Why is it that even when we're together you seem so far away?" she said as tears now fall from her eyes.

I did not answer. You want to know why? Because in my mind, it was you that I'm seeing, tears falling from your eyes as you glared at me with all the hatred and contempt you feel for me.

"It's her, right? You're thinking about her?" she accused me as she narrowed her eyes at me.

Something inside me snapped. "Oh, for Christ's sake, Kia! We're not even on speaking terms and you're still jealous of Keiko?"

She might have not noticed my anger because she even poked me on my chest, "You might not be speaking to her, but its her you're thinking about all the time!"

"What do you want me to do?" I asked in exasperation, "Kill her?"

"Even if you kill her, her memory would still live with you," she said angrily.

"Damn right it will! She's my best friend. You don't have to be jealous of her because she's my best friend and you're my damn girlfriend!"

"I'll fucking do what I want! You may say that she's just your friend but she's stealing all the attention that is rightfully mine!"

I threw my hands in irritation. "Look, this conversation is pointless. I'll talk to you tomorrow," I said, turned around and slowly began walking away.

"Yuusuke," Kia called out but I paid no attention to her. "Yuusuke, I'm not through with you yet!"

Without turning around, I just waved at her as I turned right at the corner that I never heard her stomp her foot on the ground and shouted my name in annoyance.

Though it is a long way home, my annoyance with Kia made me decide to walk even if it will take me half an hour. It's alright, I'm used to walking home, anyway. Besides, I've come to love the silence and loneliness ever since the two of us fought.

I don't understand why, but, now, I've used all those moments that I'm alone to reminisce our old times together and remember how happy we were back then.

And then, there I am. Subconsciously, when I passed your house on my way home, I looked up and what I saw made my heart beat faster.

You were smiling so genuinely that my eyes swore, even if I'm across the street, that your dimple on your left cheek appeared.

Right at that instant, I can only think of one thing – you never looked as beautiful as you do now. And I could have sworn that no one could look as beautiful as you are now.

I don't really know what happened to me, but maybe it has something to do with the fact that it's been a long time since you smiled like that to me. Almost two months, ever since I've dated Kia.

Had I known earlier that you would be the price for having her, I wouldn't have pursued Kia.

Then, as if waking from a trance, I saw a figure standing near you and I would have shouted a warning had I not seen a shocking scene.

He was also smiling at you and you laughed at something he said, your amusement showing as your eyes crinkled with happiness.

Omi Zekuna. I felt a pang in my stomach just knowing that other guys can also make you laugh just like I can. It was hard accepting the fact that you found another friend from the opposite sex.

Jealousy. Yeah, that's what I'm feeling now, though I don't really know the reason behind it. I shouldn't feel it but I felt it anyway.

I would have run towards him and punched him in the face when I saw him tuck a few strands of hair behind your ear. He's taking advantage of you and I can't believe you didn't even slap him. If it were me who did that, my cheeks would be stinging now.

But all you did was blush prettily and smiled shyly at him. Damn! What do you think you're doing, letting him touch you like that?

But I know that if I stormed in your front porch this very instant and demand from you the answer to that question, I would only worsen the relationship between us, whatever our relationship is.

What the hell are you doing outside of your house at this time of night, anyway? It's not proper for you, especially since you're with someone you don't know very well. And I would be surprised if Yukimura-jisan knows about this.

And as much as this scene infuriated me, I can't bear to leave. It's better to be sure; the bastard might do something to you.

When I saw him squeeze your right arm as you bid him goodbye, I clenched my fist tightly. _Even I didn't show that kind of affection towards you and I'm your damn bestfriend!_ Who does this guy think he is?

I planned to remain silent as I watch him leave but I never thought Zekuna had a strong sense. The instant he stepped out on the street, he greeted me. "Yuusuke. You're planning to visit Keiko?"

"No," I answered expressionless.

"Oh. She said she's going to help her father clean the ramen house," he informed me, not knowing that I'm close to punching him in the face for _taking advantage of you._

"I know that. Yukimura_-_JISAN needs all the help he can get what with only Keiko and his few staff to help him," I said, obviously wanting him to know that I know a lot more about Keiko than him.

"Oh. I see," he said thoughtfully. "So, what are you doing here if not for Keiko?" he asked me.

I don't know why it infuriated me but I don't like the way he say your name so casually like you two have been friends for a long time now. Just plain Keiko. No –san. "I'm just on my way home."

Zekuna smiled at that. "Really? Me too. We happen to live nearby, right? We can talk on our way, I never really liked walking alone."

I just nodded at him. What am I supposed to say? That I don't like to walk with him? Ha! That would be a laugh.

"I never thought Keiko is sick," I said even before I could think about it. Stupid me! Here I am, letting all my jealousy and frustrations out on him.

"Keiko? No, I don't think she's sick. Why?" he asked, obviously confused.

"Why visit her then this late in the evening?" I asked. Well, what else can I do? I let one line slip, might as well continue it.

"Oh, that," he said and smiled at me again. Damn! Why does he keep on smiling like that? It's starting to irritate me. "We've been paired for a paper due in school."

I should let it go now, but I didn't. I narrowed my eyes questioningly at him. "This late at night?"

That sent him laughing and I got frustrated all over again. "No, not really. We talked for a while," he said. Then his eyes widened. "You don't have anything going on with her, have you? I mean-"

"No, I don't," I snapped. Interrupting him for whatever he had to say. And once again, I don't know why it suddenly irritated me. _Telling the truth about us not having a thing going on irritated me for the first time._

What irritated me more is that I got irritated by that. So, in the end, I just got so many irritation, the reason all got jumbled out inside of me that in the end, I just have to get contented to the idea that I am irritated.

A few minutes of silence enveloped us. I'm just glad he didn't press the issue of us not being together. When my house came into view, I never realized I could feel this joy in seeing it. Usually, it didn't really matter, but now, at least, I get to get away from Zekuna.

I turned to him, "Well, I got to go now. This is my house," I said before hurrying inside. Omi just nodded at me then went on his way.

That night, as I lie on my bed, not being able to sleep, I realized that I have to change my course of action in protecting you. Omi Zekuna just happened to make it on my list of people who might hurt and take advantage of you.

*-*

I glared at the guy beside me when he nudged me awake at class two weeks after. I had a hard night last night – a big fight with Kia, that it was already one o' clock in the morning but still wouldn't shut her mouth. Even through a telephone, I could feel her anger and I couldn't even butt in a word.

So, in the end, I just said goodnight and put down the phone. But she called me again so I just yanked the cord off the phone and go to sleep. This morning, she wouldn't talk to me so I didn't talk to her, either.

What a nagger! I thought you're the worst nagger I could ever know but Kia beat you to it. She nagged me about every little thing – the amount of gel I put on my hair, the way I talk loudly sometimes, my getting into fights – but she nagged me especially because of you. She didn't even know that I'm following you every morning and afternoon and she's throwing tantrums whenever she feel like it.

I know now that it could never be jealousy because, as I've said a thousand times to her, I haven't talked to you after that night in the dance, but still, she acted as if I've been cheating on her.

I guess she just wanted us to stop being friends altogether and that I forget you ever existed. But that would be like asking for the impossible.

That's one of the main reasons why I never brought her to my house. No, it's not the messy room that I called my bedroom that I'm hiding from her (which I know would make her faint in shock), but the picture frame with us in it on my nightstand near my bed.

Yeah, well, I'm not really that sentimental because when we were still in 'okay' terms, I hid that picture in my okaasan's bedroom because if you happen to find it, I know you would tease me to no end about it. Besides, at that time, I kept those pictures for souvenirs during that special vacation in one of the beaches in the country.

I could still remember that time. We were just sixteen years old and you won that free vacation for two on that poetry-writing contest you joined. You asked Yukimura-jisan to go with you but he declined, saying he's too old for a vacation like that, and besides, he had the ramen house to look after.

So, the next choice would be anyone of the girls, Niki, Hina and Meia because I found out that you were shy to ask me because it isn't proper for the two of us to go as it might falsely _'confirm'_ that we really have something going on. Why else would an unattached guy and girl go on a vacation like that even if they said they're just friends?

People sometimes have dirty minds.

Anyone of the girls is willing to go with you, of course, but Yukimura-jisan would not allow you to go with only a female companion. Of course, I secretly agree with him because it wouldn't exactly sit well with me if you're going to the other part of the country with only a girl to accompany you. It sounds dangerous.

Not wanting that free vacation to go to waste, you asked me to go with you and I readily agreed. Who wouldn't? It's free, and besides, (I remember saying this a thousand times already) I can't say no to you.

And so, we went there, spent the whole month together in one hotel room (of course, I slept on the couch though nobody would believe me), and explored the whole place. We ate, went swimming, got a fantastic tan, shopped til we dropped, laughed and everything we could think of of doing.

It was the best damned summer I ever had. And one time, while we were at the park, I was sitting under a tree, reading a manga I bought from the nearby bookstore; while you sleep, your head on my shoulder.

As soon as you wake up, a photographer handed us both a photo of us on that tree. Obviously, he had been watching us and unknowingly took a picture of us. His reason? It is a picture of peace and serenity. We haven't been successful in protesting when he dragged us to his studio and insisted that he take a few more shots on us.

They are good photos. The both of us are smiling and our eyes had that twinkle of amusement because the photographer had insisted that I wrap my arms around your shoulders as you lean your head on my chest.

We wanted to laugh at him because he wouldn't accept the idea that we are not a couple, but he wouldn't like it if we laugh so we hid our amusement inside, but our eyes showed it anyway. I still believe the photographer is demented.

And so, those pictures went to the drawer of my mother. But, after I told you that we should stop talking to each other, I tend to take those pictures out and look at it, reliving the memories.

So, in the end, two days after the dance, I bought this large picture frame which can hold three pictures and put our own pictures on it and displayed it on my table. If ever okaasan noticed it (that table was the only clean part of my room), she never told me about it.

"Yukimura-san," the teacher called that it snapped me from my daydreaming. "Please solve this problem on the board."

"Hai," you said, then stood up to head for the board.

I suddenly became wide awake as I watched you and what you're writing. Though I only half understood what the equation meant, I totally focused on it because it is you who did it.

I don't know what's happening to me but it's starting to freak me out. Really, I know you mattered to me before, but you didn't matter to me _this much_ that made me attend the classes for two whole weeks.

Ever since I discovered that Zekuna had managed to become your friend, I attended the classes diligently even if it bored me out of my mind.

My initial reason was because I want to protect and guard you. It's good that we have the same classes, that I'd been able to look at you when in class. And so, I made it a point to sit behind you so that I could see you.

But every time I saw Omi talked to you, something stirred inside of me. Something that made me want to beat the lights out of him. And every time you smiled at him, or even just talked to him, I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth; which is very often.

I don't know how it happened but I suddenly disliked the guy. Before, I had a high respect of him. I know he can carry himself well, a smart lad but not exactly the weak type – someone like Kurama, only milder.

But when he suddenly started hanging out with you, I became mad at him. I know I'm being possessive even if I don't have the right, but I feel like he's taking away from me something that is mine.

I hated the way you two ate lunch together, the way he sat beside you in all the classes the three of us have together, the way he tell you stories and jokes, and the way you respond to him. But what I hate most is the way you're acting too civilly towards me because of him.

Yes, whenever Omi would see me while he's with you, he would always greet me, and you would greet me, too. But it was forced, I can tell, and it's always a simple 'hello'. You didn't even ask me why I always attend the class, how I'm doing and all. And whenever I ask you how you and Yukimura-jisan are doing, you would just answer with a simple 'we're fine'.

It's like the Keiko in you died whenever you're with me. You seemed like a different person. And I can do nothing about it so I just excused myself, and watch you and Omi in the shadows. Damn, but I hate every minute of it.

At least, he never tried to ask you to walk you home. I guess I have to thank Kami that he still had a class after our last subject. That time belonged only to us, even if you don't know about it.

Yeah, even if we're already in civil terms with each other (thanks to that Zekuna), I still kept following you from behind. There are times, of course, when I had this urge to just go and ask you if we could walk home together, but I didn't. Not because I'm afraid you would decline my offer but because you might accept; but our walk would only be full of uncomfortable silences. And even if I try to engage you in a conversation you would only answer me with as few words as possible and I wouldn't like that. And then, after that, I can't follow you anymore because you'll already know what I'm doing.

That's why I continued just like this. Following you from school to your house, from your house to school, and guarding you while in class. Just like what I'm doing right now.

"That's correct. Thank you, Yukimura-san, you may go back to your seat," the professor said and began explaining to the class the logic behind your solution.

But I did not listen to him; instead, I watched you as you made your way to your seat, a small smile on your lips because you managed to get the correct answer again.

And then, for the first time after this one hell of trouble that happened to us, your eyes locked with mine and, on impulse, I smiled at you. Smiled at you just to let you know that everything's going to be alright between us. That I'm not mad at you even if you told me we could not become friends anymore while I'm dating Kia. That I'm still here for you. No matter what.

It was only for a very few seconds but all the reactions that flashed your face had been known to me. I've seen the way your eyes flashed with surprise when I smiled at you, then it suddenly changed to warmness that I swore filled my aching heart, and the genuine smile that escaped your lips even for a second before you sat on your chair to talk to Omi.

If anything, I was shocked beyond belief. You _actually_ smiled at me and I'm not hallucinating. Odd, but your smile never had this kind of effect on me before.

The effect that made me want to stare at your warm, brown eyes forever. The effect that made me want to grab you and kiss your full lips until my hunger for you had been filled. Until you had finally forgiven me for all the stupidity I had done. Until you would realize for once and for all that you only belong to me and not to that Omi Zekuna.

Until…damn! I wasn't aware of my train of thoughts as I was busily staring at your back, hair, and everything I could see, until this realization finally hit me.

Damn! I just developed this major crush on me best friend.

**Author's Note: **Sap, sap, this chappy is a sap but I think it's nice. Do you think it's too long? I've enjoyed writing this but I think Yuusuke is very OOC here. Review!

PS: I've updated my site, with a new look. Please take your time to browse through it.


	6. Having You Back

**Author's Note: **I should have posted this chapter three days ago but since ff.net blocked me from updating 'til now, this chapter had been uploaded just now. (grins) For those of you who are wondering, I've been blocked because my other story, Ai Shiteru did not follow the rating system of this site. Due to this, I've started a mailing list so that I could continue the said story. However, for those of you who wanted to receive an email whenever I update this story, you can join the mailing list, too.

**COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:**

Jen – wow, you reviewed from the first chapter to the last, I'm so touched. I'm so glad that you like the story.

Bianka-chan – of course I forgive you for not reviewing this sooner. But promise me you'll try to review this diligently from now on, lol. Well, it is a nice compliment and I really liked receiving something that is so detailed like that rather than just telling me they like the story

Mutsumi – I don't really like writing Yuusuke's point of view because I'm not a guy and I don't really know how they feel that's why I think Yuusuke is somewhat OOC here. Demo, from the start of this story, we already know about Keiko's feeling towards Yuusuke so it is really when Yuusuke realizes his feeling for Keiko that the story would pick up.

Lillian – the parts that you said you enjoyed are also the parts I enjoyed writing, lol

Onitna – actually, I planned to make Kia really mean from the start of this story because her part is just really small, that is, to start the gap and to make Yuusuke realize his feelings for Keiko, and since she had accomplished the job, well, I won't say anything anymore. Lol

Bishounen lovah – I have to agree that Yuusuke is really stupid…lol

And to the others: Cherryblossom_gurl13, KagomeWannabe, soul 141, WaterGuardian, Rei-chan, Rose Angel, and Silver Eyes Bright – thanks so much for supporting and reading this fic of mine

**Disclaimers Applied!!!**

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 6:  Having You Back

To say that it was crazy is underestimating things. Ever since I realized I had a crush on you, whatever sanity left in my life suddenly disappeared and now I wanted to bang my head on the nearest wall for allowing this to happen.

Everything changed so fast that I can't even understand what's happening to me until it was too late. And now, I'm acting really crazy and can't do anything about it.

I've been attending my classes regularly now and I actually listened to what was being taught! I'm telling you, this is not the real me and I know you knew that.

I don't know why I listened to the lessons and actually became a good student; but the mere idea that you would catch me doing, er, undignified things inside the classroom, such as sleeping, is enough to make me blush.

Hina, Meia and Niki are giving me peculiar stares that seem to ask 'what the hell has gotten into you?' but I just smiled goofily at them. Needless to say, they left me alone. I'm beginning to think that they thought I had gone mad. Not that I blame them. I'm beginning to think that I had gone mad, too.

And the craziest thing that happened to me is my reaction towards you. Yeah, after that smile you gave me (which made me tumble over the edge that I realized that I like you more than I should), we became more or less civil with each other. You nodded at me when we meet in the hallway or classroom or…anywhere. I would just smile shyly then turn away from you because I swear, I could feel myself blushing. Damn!

It's not crazy, it's outrageous! Whatever am I going to do with this ailment? I can't possibly survive this! What if we patch things up and decided to be friends again? I can't possibly blush the whole time we're together, can I? It was like…like, I don't know. 

Is it possible to die from blushing too much?

Well, that got me laughing for quite some time. Imagine, the powerful Urameshi Yuusuke dying from blushing too much. It would surely go straight to the Guiness Book of Records.

But then, I realized that I am not that pathetic because when we actually talked one time, I didn't blushed. Thank kami-sama for that. I guess I am not just used to the fact that I am seeing something different whenever I look at you, so I blush.

So, I guess the problem is solved. I mean, now that we seemed to have patched things up, I can face life now with more enthusiasm than before.

However, things aren't the way they're supposed to be. Sometimes, when I figured out that nothing will go wrong again, something always come up to prove me wrong.

"Just tell me what the hell is wrong with you," I shouted at Kia, and I threw my hands in the air in exasperation.

However, Kia just cried softly that I had to sigh, defeated. Earlier that day, I was enjoying my sleep when Kia called me and asked if we could go somewhere private. So, I reluctantly got out of bed and took her in a secluded area in a park, but as soon as she sat down, she cried and cried and for thirty minutes, I've been coaxing her to tell me what's the matter with her, but she wouldn't tell me and I'm slowly losing my patience.

 I sat down next to her on the bench and grabbed her shoulders firmly and shook her gently. "Talk, Kia. Tell me what's the matter with you."

I never expected an outburst what with her crying and all, so I was really surprised when she suddenly stood up and looked at me with fury in her eyes.

"Everything is wrong. Us. You. Yukimura –"

"Are we back to that again? I swear, Kia, we've been through this a thousand times already," I said impatiently. What the hell had gotten into her head this time that made her furious again at you? Last time, it's because I wasn't paying attention to the movie, what about now?

"Well, I'm sorry if you're getting tired of this already," she said sarcastically, "but until you stopped treating her as if she's more important to you than I am, then I won't stop."

I stood up suddenly, irritated by what she said. "Look, Kia, I don't know what's the deal with you but I'm not treating her as if she's more important to me than you are. I hardly talk to her – what's the point of saying all of these to you? You're not even listening to a word that I'm saying."

"Yuusuke –"

"Look, let's just go straight to the point of this whole damn thing because I'm getting tired of all of these. What do you want me to do to prove that you're more special than her?" I asked and I mentally hoped that the news won't reach you that I said that.

Of course, I lied to her. You will always be more special than she will ever be to me, but I have to say that because it's the right thing to say.

"I want you to stop being friends with her altogether," Kia said softly that I had to blink before it fully registered in my mind. 

"You what?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"I know you heard me," she said softly then looked at me straight in the eye.

"Are you making me choose between you and Keiko?" I asked again, unable to hide the surprise I felt.

"In a way, yeah," she said, then sat down on the bench again and looked at her lap. "If you can't do it, then…then, we can't continue this anymore. It's not going to work."

"Kia," I began then sat down next to her, determined to change her mind, but she interrupted me from whatever I'm about to say.

"You don't have to say anything, Yuusuke. It's alright. If – if it's her, you can just go home and leave me here. I understand," she said and I swore I heard her crying.

I tried to think, but no coherent thought came. It's crazy. Having to choose between you and her. In all those times that we were together, we had a good time and maybe, it's just really me who made the relationship bitter. I wanted to change myself and do better, maybe put a little more effort in the relationship, but, damn! I made up my mind.

***CHANGE OF POV***

I'm ready to collapse when I finished washing the last batch of plates used in the ramen house, and right now, all I'm thinking is my soft, warm bed and sleep.

It had been a very busy day for me and otousan as the ramen house had been hopping with customers once again. The few staffs we have had already went home and left the last remaining chores to us.

I was on my way to my room when otousan called me that I groaned mentally. "Hai, tousan?"

"Someone's here to see you," he called from downstairs as he was still wiping the tables and sweeping the floor.

Thinking that it was Omi and it would be impolite to not see him, I dragged myself down the stairs, not even bothering if I look like a mess.

When I reached downstairs, I was surprised to find you there, but what made me more surprised is that you looked as if you've just gotten into a fight.

"What happened to you?" I asked as I went to the bathroom to get my medicine kit.

When I came back, you grabbed my hand and led me to the front porch. You sat on the bench then took off your shirt as I requested as I began to dabbed your wounds with wet cottons. There are deep cuts and I had to swallow hard to stop the tears from forming from my eyes every time you flinch as I gently clean your wounds.

"We broke up," you mumbled and I heard the pain in your voice. I knew she wouldn't do anything good to you.

"Really?" I asked softly, not really sure if I ought to ask what happened. 

"Yeah," you said, then sighed. "Two days ago. She, uh, made me choose between you and her. I could not choose her, so, that was it."

"I'm sorry. She must be regretting that now," I said, though I don't really feel any sympathy towards her. I expected you to nod or talk some more about your relationship, instead, you laughed bitterly.

"I saw her making out with someone today," you said and smiled weakly. "I almost killed the guy hadn't Kuwabara passed by and stopped me."

I kept quiet. I didn't know what to say. So I just focused my attention in cleaning your wounds.

"I can't believe she was just using me. All this time, she's just doing all of those things to get me away from you and it worked," you said softly, then paused to caress my cheeks. "I'm sorry I'm such a horrible friend for betraying you like that. I should have known better. Can you forgive me? I'll try not to be a bastard next time."

It was good that I was kneeling as I bandage your wounds on your chest or you would have seen me crying my heart out. This is what I've wanted, right? For you to return to me and ask for my forgiveness. But for the life of me, I could not make myself speak and say I forgive you.

"Kei, come on," you said then slid off the seat.

"What are you doing?" I asked, alarmed, as I tried to make him sit back on the bench.

"I want to apologize properly, Kei," you said, "so I'll kneel on the floor and beg for your forgiveness if I have to."

"You can't do that," I exclaimed, stopping you from kneeling and forced you to sit down again on the bench. "I'm wrapping your wounds."

"No, you're not. You're crying. I've made you cry again and I'm sorry. Please, Kei, just let this one pass, I'll make it up to you, I promise, " you said, your voice gruff with emotions.

"Yuusuke no baka," I sobbed, threw my arms around your neck then buried my face on your chest as you wrapped your arms around me tightly, letting me cry, not caring if I'm soaking your bandage.

***CHANGE OF POV***

"So, where did you get that wounds again?" you asked me as you sip your coffee.

"Kuwabara. He used his Rei Ken on me," I said, as I shoved a mouthful of ramen inside my mouth again. After that very dramatic scene on the porch, you invited me inside to talk because your father had already gone to bed. And you're feeling quite cold. So, now, I'm eating the best dinner I had ever since we fought, because you had once again cooked my meal.

At first, I declined, knowing it's already past midnight and from the look of your face, you seemed too tired and about to collapse anytime, but you ignored me and still cooked something for me to eat.

"Kuwabara used his Rei Ken on you? Isn't that supposed to be illegal or something?" you asked incredulously that it made me chuckle. 

"Don't worry. I almost fired my Rei Gun at him," I said then winked at you when you paled.

"You must have loved her that much for you to get mad at her new boyfriend like that," you said and sadness can be seen in your eyes once again.

I wanted to comfort you, and before I could think about it, I took your hand in mine, but immediately let it go when you looked at me. You might decide to take it the wrong way and you might slap me again. With the injury and wounds I have now, I don't think I could take anything anymore especially your slap.

"No, it's not like that, Keiko. I got mad because I was so stupid these past few months. It is Kia whom I'm mad at, but since she's a girl, I guess I turned my anger to the poor guy," I said then grinned lopsidedly at you.

"I see," you said simply, stood up and took your now empty cup to wash it. Obviously, you didn't believe what I said.

"You know, I've always and always will love you more than I've loved Kia," I blurted out before I could stop myself. Damn! I know that that slipup might cost me my life. Why the hell did I speak before I could think?

I stole a glance at you and I saw you blushing, and, kami help me, you looked so cute that my male hormones got so active that I blushed, too. "Er, well, something like that," I said then laughed nervously. "Well, you know that I love you, right?" I asked then gulped nervously when you smiled weakly.

Obviously, I made a mess out of the situation but, thank goodness, you didn't slap me for that. I guess you changed during those times when we weren't speaking to each other.

"I know," you said suddenly that I was so startled. "Come on, it's late. Clean that mess you made so you can go home already. I need to rest and I still got to go to school tomorrow."

At that, I got up and picked up my plate, chopsticks and glass and followed you in the kitchen. I was about to wash it when you gave me a wet rag and told me to wipe the table. I turned around to comply.

"Oh, and Yuusuke, don't forget to put the stools on top of the table, ne? I'll wash the dishes," you said from the kitchen. I had to shake my head as a smile played at the corner of my lips. You always were the sensible one. The neat freak, and, well, I'm just glad I have you back. Now, if I could figure out how to tell you what I really feel about you, then everything would be perfect. 

Imagine, you and I, as couple. I guess no one would really be surprised. All of our friends seemed to think that we are made for each other, or something like that.

"Oh, good. You're done," you said from behind me that I almost jumped in surprise, and, damn! I swear I blushed again as if you've just read what I was thinking a while ago.

"What's the matter?" you asked as you followed me out of the ramen house.

"Nothing," I mumbled then turned to look at you to say goodbye.

"Liar," you said then smiled good-naturedly. "Well, I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow," you said then nodded, as if waiting for me to leave.

"Um, Kei? Can I –" I began but I cannot do it. Shit! _You're just going to ask her out_, a part of my sane mind screamed in disgust, and, _how come I suddenly can't look at you in the eye?_

"What is it?" you asked innocently as you tilted your head a little to the right to be able to look at me in a more favorable angle.

I hesitated, then, mustered all my courage to look at you in the eye. "Can I, um, pick you up tomorrow before going to school? You know, just like we used to," I asked and prayed that you won't say 'no'. I mean, I'm already too coward to ask you out that I think I won't be able to handle it if you won't let me walk you to school. And I want to bang my head again on the nearest wall for being such a coward.

But then, I forgot all about it when you smiled brightly at me. "Sure! No problem. I'm so tired of walking alone."

_But you were never alone. I was with you the whole time_, I wanted to say, but I didn't. I know. I am a coward, but, what can I do? I'm so afraid to lose you again and that might happen if you don't feel the same as I feel about you. So, I just nodded.

"Well, then," you said, and I know you really want me to go. I can see that you can hardly keep your eyes open. "See you tomorrow?"

Before I could even think about it, I grabbed you and hugged you so tight as if my life depended on you; and in a way, it does. I felt you stiffen in my arms, but I didn't care. Right now, I simply won't care even if you slap me to death. All I care about is having you in my arms right at this moment. And it felt so right that I could stay like this forever.

But just like everything else in my godforsaken life, the moment just have to pass by; and no matter how much I hold on to it, I just have to let it go.

"Yuusuke?" you said softly and the moment was gone.

I sighed. But I refused to let you go. Instead, I rested my chin on top of your head and closed my eyes, as if blinking back the tears. Tears of happiness that I now have you back in my life. Tears of sadness because this is all I could get to be close to you. That this is all I could be to you.

"I'm sorry," I began, then paused to swallow hard, "I'm sorry for all that I've done. It's just that, I'm so glad to have you back. I…I missed you so much. Kami knows how much I missed you."

I felt you soften your stance and it was the greatest moment in my life when you hugged me back. Except, you have to let go. What a mush I had been this past few months. "I missed you, too," you said as you looked up at me, your beautiful warm brown eyes now clouded with tears.

You smiled at me and it took all my strength and self- control not to kiss you there and then. So, I pulled away from you and I just ruffled your hair and went on my way.

**Author's Note: **Done! Wow, I'm so happy. I like best the "Yuusuke no baka part" it kinda make me cry when I was writing it. I got the idea when Keiko had kissed him in the fifth episode of Yu Yu Hakusho because she hugged him that time, too, and I liked that hug so much because she threw all her weight at Yuusuke and cried her heart out. It was so sweet.


	7. Turning Green with Jealousy

**Author's Note: **Contrary to what the others are thinking, this fanfiction is far from over. I'll admit, it took a long time for me to update but my other fics are keeping me busy, too, aside from my school and real life outside fanfiction. I hope you would understand. PLEASE DON'T ABANDON ME, I NEED MY READERS.

**COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:**

Jen – this fic is far from over so, instead of a sequel, maybe you could read the rest of the story.

Silver Eyes Bright and Big Rikku Fan – too many reviews, I'm glad. You both made me happy.

Jo-chan – I'm glad I could inspire you to write a first POV, as I was only inspired by one of the fanfics I read, too.

MysticBluAngel – thank you for trying to read a Y+K when you are a fan of K+B

Bianka-chan – I've always loved to read long reviews and yours just touched my heart. I feel very special because I'm the third person you put in your favorites. 

SSCherry Blossom II – this is the next chapter but I think you won't need the tissues anymore. J

SVZ, Jesanae Tekani, Wolfgirl and Onitna – fic far from over

Cuddles – hoy, Jen, nalaman ko na rin kung sino ka. I like Omi too. I'm not going to kill him.

Mutsumi, Rose Angel, cherryblossom gurl13, daughter of the moon, water guardian, bishounen lovah, KagomeWannabe, SakuraRyo – thank you for the reviews, I can't think of a comment, but maybe next time, I will. Lol. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

**Disclaimers Applied!!!**

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 7:  TURNING GREEN WITH JEALOUSY

"You cannot possibly do that!" you protested while clutching your stomach from laughing too much that your sides hurt already.

"Of course I can," I said cheerfully and inched my face closer to yours, so close that I could already feel your breath. "Are you daring me?"

"No," you said and broke into another fit of laughter.

It's the first weekend we had after we settled things between us and I think I couldn't ask for more. If possible, I think our friendship deepened after going through that big obstacle.

It was just a lazy evening for both of us and because we can't find anything worthwhile to do, we decided to think of ways to get back at Miruni.

Yes, I'm calling her Miruni again after all that had happened between us. And our ways kept getting more ridiculous with each passing moment that soon we were laughing already.

Of course, we won't act on our plans; it's just our way to pass time. We would not sink to her level just to make her feel sorry for what she had done to us. No, we'll leave her alone and let her failure to break us apart serve as our revenge to her.

Just then, we heard someone knocked on the door, but knowing that there are many people downstairs in the ramen house, we assumed that it's just a customer looking for a bathroom.

"The bathroom's downstairs," you yelled but when the person knocked again, so you turned to me, "go, open the door."

Of course, I really intended to open the door but I did not like the way you ordered me around and that tone of your voice. I am the man here and I won't let you order me around just like that so I snorted. "Why don't you open the door? It's your house, anyway."

I could see your eyes flashed some annoyance and I readied myself to be slapped, but it disappeared when you stuck your tongue at me.

You were about to stand up and open the door (because I told you so, mind you), when I grabbed your hand to stop you. "Alright, I'll do it."

But I barely stood up when Yukimura-jisan appeared on the doorway. "Keiko, Omi is looking for you downstairs."

"Really? This is a surprise!" you said, then quickly stood up and hurriedly walked out of the room and went downstairs – leaving me standing there, shocked. _Why are you so excited in seeing the bastard, anyway?_

Yukimura-jisan and I followed you downstairs and just when I was about to go out of the house to follow you, your father called me.

"Yuusuke, lad, would you help me with these?" he asked and motioned for the mess in the whole restaurant.

Because we were enjoying ourselves so much upstairs, we never noticed that the ramen house had closed already. The few staffs are already inside the kitchen, washing the dishes and cleaning the place.

"Alright," I said and started wiping the tables with rag as he also did the same. I cannot possibly refuse your father, right? He had been the father I never had and he has always been good to me. 

To us. 

Though he knew that I'm only a troublemaker, he had never disagreed with our friendship and at times, he had entrusted you to me. Ha! If I have a daughter like Keiko, I won't let her come close to people like me.

It is a nice feeling that no matter how messed up my life is, there's still someone who believes in me. And so, my respect for Yukimura-jisan is very high.

"Looks like my daughter is not a baby anymore. She's having many admirers already," he said cheerfully as he went inside the kitchen to bring the dishes he gathered from the tables.

Nevertheless, I heard him very clearly, "I'm not courting her, jisan," I said rather defensively.

Of course, it's the truth, I'm not courting you. But I failed to realize that you never said it was me you're talking about. And, well, maybe out of instinct, I just suddenly became defensive.

But jisan only chuckled. "I'm not talking about you, lad. But soon, when you're through being a coward, you will be one of her many admirers," he said.

_Not talking about me? Then, who might it be? Zekuna?_ I felt my stomach tighten with jealousy as I remembered the rest of what jisan had said. _Many admirers?_ I have met only one of them and I'm about to burst in jealousy already. How can I be able to live through all of them? Maybe I'll just try to scare all of them away. But then – 

"How'd you know I'm being a coward?" I asked, surprised and tried not to flinch because I've admitted that I'm being a coward. I never thought I'm that obvious when I've just realized my feelings for you not a week ago.

Jisan chuckled again. "It's really simple, lad. It's been showing in your eyes for a long time, I think only my daughter can't see it" he said, then left for the kitchen again.

I stood there, incredulous. _It's been showing in my eyes for a long time?_ Well, what's wrong with his eyes, anyway, that it's being obvious? And _for a long time?_ I've just realized this last week! Am I that numb? How in the world did that happened?

***CHANGE OF POV***

I entered the ramen house only to find you there sitting down and looking ridiculously shocked. What the hell had happened to you? I wanted to ask and laugh at the same time.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked as I tapped your shoulders lightly. You were sitting on one of the stools with your head resting on the wall.

"Yeah," you said softly but it was somewhat out of focus.

"Are you sure?" I asked again.

"Yeah," you repeated then suddenly looked at me with full seriousness. "Can I ask you something?"

I hesitated. The last time you were serious like this was when, well, I don't wanna think about it. "Uh, sure." I mumbled, then took one stool beside the table and sat on it, facing you.

"What's going on between you and Zekuna?" 

I had to sigh with relief. I thought it was something big and serious. "Why? What did otousan tell you?" I asked, but I didn't think it was quite obvious that I'm avoiding answering the question.

"Nothing." You said, then blushed. And I was stupidly baffled by that.

You actually blushed and it was weird. You didn't even blushed when I caught you undressing when we were seventeen. Well, yeah, maybe you didn't have the time to blush because I was so angry with you for not locking your room while you change your clothes when you know damn well that I'm in your house, that I slapped you.

"Well?" you said, then looked at me and I had these feeling that you're interrogating me.

"I, uh," I stammered and I can't even look at you in your eyes. "Well, he's courting me."

There. I said it. I said it out loud. I told the one I love that I'm being courted by another man. And it hurts. Because I know it won't, in any way, affect you like it affected me when you told me you already had a girlfriend.

Because I know you won't mind.

And you won't care.

***CHANGE OF POV***

"Well, he's courting me," you said.

There. You said it. You said it out loud. The one I care so deeply about, and secretly wanting, told me she's being courted by another man. And it hurts. Because I know I can't, in any way, do the same to you no matter how much I wanted to.

Because you only see me as a friend.

And nothing more.

But I know that somehow, some way, I had to fight for you. I've come so close to losing you and damn if I will ever let that happen again. For you, I am willing to die for the third time.

Damn! Why have I been too late? I asked myself and I never noticed that I mumbled "Why?" And you heard it clearly.

"Why?" she repeated the question. "You're asking me why he's courting me? Tell me, Yuusuke, don't I have the right to be courted?" you asked me and I could have sworn there's a bit of bitterness in your voice.

"Of course you have every right," I answered softly, knowing that this conversation hurts you, and once again, my insensitivity had caused this once again.

"Then why?" you asked me again and I know I'm defeated. As much as I wanted to avoid this conversation, I know you won't let me get away with this. And I can do nothing but talk.

"He doesn't have the right to court you," I said but inside of me, I heard a little voice saying '_What about you, Urameshi? Do you have the right to court her?'_

It was mocking me.

"Huh? Why'd you think so?" you asked, your face showing all your confusion that I got irritated.

"Well, for a start, he's a jerk," I said and glared at you. It seems like you're liking the fact that he's courting you. But you don't have to show me you're so damned cheerful about it.

You looked at me in exasperation. "Omi is not a jerk, Yuu. And, no offense, but you're a jerk and we're friends," you pointed out and I mentally agreed, well, only on the I'm-a-jerk part because I still believe Zekuna is a jerk. And I still can't accept the fact that he's courting you. It's wrong.

"You don't deserve someone like him," I grumbled, wanting to get my point across. I nervously looked at you in the eye and when I saw you frowned, I looked away nervously. "He's…well, you deserve someone better than him, Kei," I said.

Of course, it's just another strategy of me so as for you not to get mad at me. I know I'm the only one who's allowed to call you Kei just like you're the only one who could get away calling me Yuu. I don't know when we started calling each other that, but we both know it's our term of endearment for each other.

I've always called you that whenever I want to ask a favor from you, when I ask for an apology or when I'm just feeling a little sentimental towards you just like you called me Yuu when you wanted to ask a favor from me when you know that I would not like it but I won't be able to say no when you called me Yuu. But now, it seemed that our endearment for each other didn't work for you because your eyes did not soften the way they used to.

"Give me, then, an example of someone whom you think deserves me," you said and the glimmer in your eyes won't give away if you're being serious or if you're only mocking me.

"No one in the campus deserves you," I muttered and stood up to leave, but you grabbed my hand stopping me from leaving. And when I turned around, the expression on your face told me that you heard exactly what I said.

***CHANGE OF POV***

To say that I was baffled with what you said would be like underestimating what I felt. What do you mean by no one in the campus deserves me? That's a little insulting to say, don't you think? "And why do you think so?" I asked, glaring.

I saw you hesitated, then courageously looked straight in my eyes which I know sent daggers towards you. "No one just do. You're smart, Kei. Really smart. And someone like Omi just doesn't suit you. You're talented, too, and really beau –"

"So, you're saying that I deserve someone like Kurama-kun?" I asked, though I'm finding it hard not to laugh. Who wouldn't, with that expression in your face? You look like you're so afraid of making me angry so you're trying your damndest to flatter me.

I know that you had actually realized that your flattery worked when you glared at me. I don't know why I act like that towards you but not to others. When other people complimented or tried to flatter me, I usually blush and shyly thank them. But when it is you who's flattering me, I always mock you in return. Just like what I'm doing now.

Of course, we're not best of friends for nothing so when I mocked you, you knew that your flattery worked and I'm not going to get mad at you. And so you glared at me. "No."

I suddenly became confused. "No? What do you mean 'no'?"

You looked at me in exasperation. "No, even Kurama doesn't deserve you."

"Why?" I was again completely baffled by that. Who then, would deserve me if the most sought-after bachelor in Tokyo does not deserve me?

You scratched your head and looked away. And I saw another blush staining your cheeks. _What the hell is wrong now?_ I wondered. Is there something wrong with your blood vessels that blood kept rushing on your face?

"What? Come on, answer me," I urged, then paused to take a deep breath, "He's smart, smarter than me. He's talented, too, and he's not some wimp –"

"He looks like a girl!" you yelled and stood up suddenly that I was completely at a lost for words that I only stared at you.

***CHANGE OF POV***

I looked at you uneasily when you did not say a word. What the hell had gotten into me for me to say something as stupid as that? But, just the thought of Kurama and you being together completely made me so jealous because I realized that…you're right. You need to be with someone like the kitsune.

Someone as smart as you, as talented as you, and someone who can protect you. Someone who doesn't have a completely wacky and distorted family just like my mother.

But I just cannot accept that fact. That you should be with someone other than me. So I had to think of a reason to convince you that not even the sly kitsune deserves you. And before I could think, I blurted out the words I never thought I could say.

Then, I saw you take a deep breath and I readied myself for whatever blow you're going to give me. "Kurama does not look like a girl," you said calmly, but when I saw you take another breath, you do so shakily that I knew you're just controlling your laughter.

"Yes, he did," I insisted and looked down at you, because you're still sitting on your stool. "He has this long red hair, a lanky figure, and a female voice. And he smells like a woman!" I said and waved my hand in exaggeration.

You looked at me as if I'd grown another head. "He's a bishounen, Yuusuke. Most of the girls fall in love with him because of his looks and slightly feminine charm. Don't you ever forget that," she said, but the twinkle in your eye told me you're only mocking me.

_When will you take me seriously? _I wanted to scream at your face. I'm turning green with jealousy here and all you can do is remind me how good-looking my friend is?

"And you're one of them?" I asked, bitterness in my voice. (A/N: won't it be cruel if I end the chapter right here?) It would be the worst irony of my life. A man liking his best friend who liked one of his friends. Damn!

I expected you to at least say you're kidding because of your sympathy towards me, if not to comfort me and say you like me better. Instead, you burst into laughter that I'm starting to pity myself for such bad luck.

"Oh, Yuusuke. You are such a darling," you told me and when I looked at you in surprise, I saw your flushed face from laughing too hard and your twinkling eyes from the amusement you gained from me.

To say I'm speechless is not enough. I am truly, completely, utterly tongue-tied. Never in my life or in my wildest dream did I think that you would call me a darling.

I wanted to ask you why, I really do. But I can't. So I only stared at you dumbly. And still you laughed that you had to lean on the wall to keep your completely weakened body from falling off the stool. And slowly, I regained my senses and power of speech. "What's so funny?" I asked, then frowned. "Stop laughing at me."

But that sent you laughing harder for a good five minutes more before you finally stopped. You looked at me, the twinkle still in your eyes, your face still flushed that I had to look away because I'm already thinking of the consequences if I just grabbed you and kissed you.

And the consequences that entered my mind might just cost me my life.

"What?" I asked, when I caught you staring at me with a slight smile on your face that I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable.

"You thought I'm one of the girls who had fallen in love with Kurama-kun," you stated, and your smile widened.

"So?"

"I'm not," you said and I felt all the pressure inside of me disappeared that I grinned stupidly.

It's your turn to ask. "What?"

"You're not in love with Kurama," I repeated, wanting to make sure.

"No, I'm not in love with Kurama-kun."

"Are you in love with anyone right now?" I asked, rather eagerly that you looked at me suspiciously.

"No." you answered simply. (A/N: LIAR!!!)

"Oh," I said, my bad mood already returning. I'm already starting to think that you were mad at me when I dated Kia because you're jealous.

Because you're in love with me.

I guess I hoped too hard.

"Don't worry, Yuusuke," you said brightly, "If ever I felt the need to fall in love, I'll do that with the person who's courting me," you said just when Yukimura-jisan told us it's already late and I should go home already.

You then stood up and almost pushed me out the door and waved at me, not knowing that your words struck into my heart like a knife.

_You wanted to fall in love with Zekuna. _I never once thought you could be this cruel.

**Author's Note: **there, chapter seven is up. The next chapter would be up after a few weeks, so be patient!


	8. Don't Let Me Fall For Him

**Author's Note: **Sumimasen, everyone for the long delay. I know I've been updating this fic only once a month but I hope you understand that I have other fics that needs updating, as well. Well, here is chapter 8.

**COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:**

CherryBlossom Gurl13 – I'm halfway on this fic already. I've estimated about fifteen chapters on this one. But don't worry, I'm already thinking of writing another Yuusuke-Keiko fic.

SVZ – I'm sorry but I like the way I'm not saying whose POV it is. Anyway, you only have two to choose from, lol.

Bianka-chan – with your long review, how could I not comment? Yes, I do wub Kurama, lol. As for the italics, I have Microsoft word and I save it as a web page to retain the html. I'm sorry if I can't update sooner, I feel the same way with a fic I've been reading, you know, checking it every day to see if it's been updated, but I am a college student so I have to prioritize my studies first. I also have many fics that I have to update all of them, too.

KagomeWannabe – drawing is one of my frustrations in life. I cannot draw even if my life depended on it, so I resort to writing, hehe.

Mutsumi – I didn't know you would notice that. I love making side comments, but I don't have any in this chapter.

A Friend – I can guarantee you that it won't be a waste. J

Daughter of the Moon – This is my first time to write in this first POV, and I think I'm doing alright.

Chibi Tenshi – that would be a spoiler to other readers so I won't say anything. 

Big Rikku Fan, pchanfeeshy, Rose Angel, Jen, dana, CARR:), jasmine – thank you guys, I appreciate your reviews.

**Disclaimers Applied!!!**

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 8:  DON'T LET ME FALL FOR HIM

I sighed for the third time as I looked at you as if you'd grown another head.

"But, Kei," you whined as you sat down on one of the stools while I wiped the counter in the kitchen.

"I told you, Yuusuke, I can't tonight, alright?" I said as I felt my patience running out. You just barged into our house this morning asking me if I could help you clean your room tonight because you need to find the CD that Kuwabara lent you a few weeks ago.

"Look, Keiko, I really need to return –" you said then stopped when you realized I wouldn't relent. "What are you doing tonight, anyway?"

I blushed, and without looking at you. "Uh, I'm going out with Omi."

An uncomfortable silence began to settle between us and I had to glance at you because of that. I've been noticing lately that whenever Omi would be included in our conversation, you would become awkwardly quiet as if talking about him is taboo.

I once thought that maybe, you are jealous of him and maybe you feel like Omi's stealing your best friend away from you. But I realized that it's better this way. Sooner or later, I'm bound to find a man and settle down because I cannot wait for you forever.

And I know that it could help you mature in some way. Well, doing things on your own is one way of maturing. And cleaning your room might be one of them.

"Oh," you said and frowned. I expected you to disallow me to go or lecture me about how Omi is a jerk and did not deserve me. It didn't come. Instead, you smiled at me brightly, "Can I come?"

I had to stop what I'm doing at that time to look at you, shocked. "Are you out of your mind? No, of course not. You can't come!"

"Well, you don't have to yell at me," you said woundedly, but the idea is still preposterous that I didn't feel guilty for yelling at you. "How come I can't?"

"Yuusuke," I began, thinking how in the world I could explain to you that you're being stupid – again. "Do you want to be a third wheel?"

"You, Kuwabara and I used to go out together a lot and you're not even bothered by it," you insisted that I had to look at you in exasperation. _How could someone be so stupid?_

"Well, Kuwabara is not courting me so it's alright. And he's the one tagging along, not you," I explained, then, "besides, what would Miruni think back then if I tagged along in your dates?"

I noticed that you frowned. Whether it's because I brought your ex-girlfriend up or because you finally realized what I'm trying to say, I'm not so sure.

"Well, I see your point," you said and I can feel a smile began forming on my face when you turned to me and said cheerfully, "We can double date if you want."

This time, I was washing some cups and I almost dropped them when I heard what you said. "What?!" I turned and yelled again that I know the customers inside the dining area heard me. "You want to what?"

"Double date," you said and smiled at me. "It's a good idea, isn't it?"

"No, no. It's not a good idea," I said and furiously shook my head. "Actually, it's a bad idea. Do you actually think we would actually double date with you and Miruni?" I asked, then resumed washing the dishes.

"Who said anything about Miruni?" you asked coolly and stood up from the stool you've been sitting and leaned back on the counter so that you could be able to look at me. "I'll ask someone for tonight, alright?"

"Who is it, then?" I asked, trying not to sound like a jealous wife. I'm enjoying your full attention too much that I'm afraid I cannot give that again to someone else.

"I don't know. I'll think of someone," you said nonchalantly then smirked at me. "Why? Afraid to lose me again?"

"Baka," I said and splashed some water at him.

"Hey," you protested and jumped away from me. "I'm sorry, alright? I'm just kidding you."

"So, um, why don't you guys, whoever this girl is, just go out on your own date and get to know each other while Omi and I get to know each other, as well," I said and flinched when you glared at me.

"Well, just in case you've forgotten, I'll only go out on a date because you don't want me to be a third wheel. Besides, Zekuna knows you already so he doesn't need to get to know you," you said and glared at me again, wanting to intimidate me.

"He knows me, alright, but not enough to be my boyfriend," I muttered to myself but when your frown deepened, I know you heard me.

"The day he became your boyfriend would be the day he will die," you said with venom in your voice that I had to stop washing the dishes to look at you.

"Come on, Yuusuke, you're more protective than my father. You have to accept the fact that I'm going to date guys sooner or later. I don't want to be an old maid, you know," I said and tried not to cross my fingers for lying.

Of course, all of these are just a façade, I don't really want to date Omi, well, maybe I do like the idea a little bit because I like the guy, but that's all there is to it.

And my feelings for you are still the same, if ever, it became stronger. I love spending time with you and if it weren't for Omi asking me for an official date, I would have gladly tagged you along. But I can't do that to Omi because he's really really nice to me and I know Omi is a little insecure of you.

_If you see me walking the road with someone else_

_It's not because I like his company_

_It's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me._

_If you hear me talking about him all the time_

_It's not because he pleases me_

_It's because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat_

_If you feel me falling with someone new_

_It's not because I love him_

_It's because you're not there to catch me if I fall_

_If you feel lost, I, too am nowhere_

_I, too don't know where the road is going_

_Are we gonna cross each other's path_

_Or just completely turn around?_

_Will we just let go of what we had_

_Or go to the place where love is bound_

_Don't let me walk with him_

_It's you I want to walk with_

_Don't let me talk about him_

_It's you I want to talk about_

_Don't let me fall for him…_

_…It's you I want to fall in love with._

*-*CHANGE OF POV*-*

"Come on, Yuusuke, you're more protective than my father. You have to accept the fact that I'm going to date guys sooner or later. I don't want to be an old maid, you know," you said, but you didn't know that you broke my heart when you said that.

Damn! I closed my eyes to stop the tears from forming in my eyes. How could you be so insensitive? "We could always date, you know," I muttered to myself and looked down on the floor.

"What'd you say?" you asked uninterestedly that I realized you haven't heard what I said. And it hurts. Yeah, I'm supposed to be the real asshole and the insensitive one between the two of us.

I should be the one who's hurting you for being a jerk.

Not the other way around.

_Certainly not the other way around._

"Nothing," I said, still looking at the floor.

"No, I heard you say something," you said and looked at me questioningly that even if I don't want to, I had to look at you.

"I said, go on, for all I care," I said then I walked towards the door, wanting to leave already. What's the point of staying when every minute that we're together only brings me pain because I cannot be with you the way I want to.

"Yuusuke," you called softly that I had to stop and look at you. And my heart breaks when I saw you. You looked so sad that even if I'm not doing anything, I still felt that it is my fault for making you look like that.

"Please don't be mad at me for this," you said so softly, in a voice that is so fragile, it might break anytime.

All my heartaches and pain suddenly disappeared that I swear my eyes softened when I looked at you. "I just want to be there for you to protect you," I said.

You smiled at me weakly. "Omi is not like that," you began. "He won't do anything to hurt me."

"Then, there's no problem if we double date, right?" I asked and I saw in your eyes that you concede. I trapped you, I knew that, but as long as I can be there for you, then it doesn't really matter.

You sighed and slowly nodded. "Just make sure I'm going to like the girl you'll tag along."

_When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you_

_I was behind you every step of the way_

_Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me_

_When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat_

_I didn't want to assume anything_

_And I was afraid to lose our friendship_

_When you thought I wasn't there to catch you_

_It was because you never gave me the chance_

_You never reached the bottom, you've already grabbed a branch_

_If you feel like you are nowhere, I, too am lost_

_I, too don't know where the road is going_

_Are we just going to turn around,_

_Or are we gonna cross each other's path?_

_Will we just let go of what we had_

_Or go to the place where love is bound?_

_Don't let me walk behind you_

_I want to walk by your side_

_Don't let me listen about him…_

_I want to hear your heartbeat_

_Don't let yourself fall for him…_

_…I want you to fall in love with me…_

*-*

"I'll clean your house," I suggested and almost banged my head on the wall when she shook her head.

"Yuusuke, why me?" she asked lazily as she wiped her face with her towel. She had been practicing for the big game of our school against the nearby university when I, her dear friend, asked her for a date.

Of course, she declined. She just doesn't do dates, even with friends so I began bribing her. Doing her assignments, paying her, and now, cleaning her house. My offer of payment, I must admit, is the only thing sane among all the offers I've made.

"Because we're friends," I whined.

"Yuusuke, I don't do dates, alright?" she said impatiently. "Even if it's you."

"Look, I don't want to do this, too. But I'm doing this for Keiko. So please –"

"Ask Hina, then. The two of you don't fight all the time," she said and I almost grasped my hair in exasperation.

"Niki," I began, thinking of another tactic. "Look, I know you trust Omi. Hell, I think you even like the idea of Omi and Keiko being together, but I don't. Can't you at least do this one small favor even once?"

"Yuu-kun," she said then hesitated. "I –"

"Please? I won't ask a favor again, okay. This is very important to me," I interrupted.

"You cannot guard Keiko all the time, Yuusuke. Sooner or later you have to set her free to some man who deserves her. You can't keep her forever."

"I know," I said, though Kami knows how much I hated it. "I just want to see how Omi treats her, that's all. If he seems okay, I'll leave them alone. I'll…let her go."

Niki sighed again. "Alright. I'll go with you. But just this once."

I smiled at her weakly. "Thank you."

*-*CHANGE OF POV*-*

I tried hard not to laugh at Niki's expression when the both of you arrived at our front porch that evening. Honestly speaking, I was quite nervous all day not because of my date with Omi but because of your date with some girl. Yes, I am jealous but I know I cannot let it show.

Though I had already accepted the fact that we can only be friends, it still hurts me whenever I think about you with other girls while I'm stuck with some guy I don't love while and you from a distance.

And then, there comes the doorbell. I swear my palms are sweaty when I opened the door, only to find you standing there – with Niki.

"Can you believe this baka yarou dragged me here for a double date?" Niki said before I could greet you, and then she glared at you.

I smiled and opened my mouth to say something, but you beat me into it. "But, Niki, you agreed to go with me this morning," you grumbled.

"Yes, I remember that," Niki began then, "but you didn't fucking tell me I have to wear a stupid dress. I don't do dates but because we're friends, I agreed to go with you. But, a dress? What the hell were you _thinking_? _I DON'T WEAR DRESSES!"_ she said hotly.

"Yes, you are," I said cheerfully, "you're wearing one now," pointing that fact to her.

"Oh, great." Niki said, rolling her eyes in exasperation. "Gang up on me, will you? I'm going home."

"No, please!" we both pleaded and each grabbed her hand to stop her from leaving. "We won't make fun of you anymore," you said sincerely.

I nodded in agreement. "Besides, it looks good on you."

Niki blushed. "Alright. But one word about my dress," she said warningly, looking at us, and we both nodded.

*-*

The both of you are quite early so we spent the time waiting for my date to arrive. Well, not exactly because I'm not yet really dressed when you two arrived so I left the two of you in the ramen house, talking to Otousan, while I readied myself for tonight.

And it was a torture for me doing so. Why? Because when I said that Niki looked good in that dress she's wearing, I said it because she really did and not because I wanted to stop her from feeling uncomfortable.

In fact, she looked so great that I almost did not recognize her myself. Well, I knew she had a great figure, being a player of volleyball in our school keep her fit and healthy, she almost glowed every time. And the dress that she's wearing is simple and loose, but is enough to show her figure, conservative but short enough to show her slim and toned legs, and though the neckline is discrete, the way it was sewn gave attention to her chest, I am almost jealous.

Yes, I am trying hard not to get jealous of my friend just because she looked so fantastic in her dress. I know my figure is not that good and I can't even count the times you told me I gained weight.

And it is frustrating. I wanted to cry for wanting you so much but I can't even let you know about it. I wanted to cry because I know I'm being pathetic for being jealous of my friend whom I know won't do anything to steal you away from me.

Ha! As if you really belong to me. What if you suddenly decided to go after her? I wouldn't have the power to stop you, because I know I'm going to wallow in misery again. And this time, I'm not only going to lose my best friend, the only man I've ever loved; but also one of my closest friends as well.

I decided to wear my pink dress, the one that looked most flattering on me and I didn't even know if I'm dressing up for Omi…or for you.

Knock.

"Hey, are you okay?" Niki asked me and I remembered how well she knew me and that I cannot hide anything from her.

I did not answer. Instead, I combed my hair slowly.

"You know," she began. "I didn't know where you get this ridiculous idea that I'm going to steal Yuu-kun from you. I'm one of your closest friends, Keiko, and I won't do anything to hurt you."

I had to smile at that and looked at her gratefully.

"Besides, Yuusuke will always be Yuusuke," she continued, "and he will always see me as Niki."

At that, I frowned. "So, are you saying that he will always see me as Keiko, his best friend?"

"Yes, of course," Niki said softly that my frown deepened. "He will always see you as Keiko, his best friend, and the only woman in his life."

I was surprised with that statement, but before I could retaliate on what she said, she dragged me out of the room. "Come on, it's almost time, Omi will arrive any minute."

But before you could see us, I grabbed Niki's arms, and I swear I blushed under her stare. "Niki, do I look…um, alright?"

She smiled at me and I felt some tension disappeared. "Keiko, tell me honestly, are you dressing up for your date or for the man over there?" she asked, pointing at the door that will lead us to the restaurant.

"I…um, well," I stuttered, and looked away from her, feeling that I am turning redder every passing second.

Niki chuckled. "I already know the answer to that, Keiko. But don't ever forget that Omi is your date. Yuu-kun is mine for tonight," she said then winked at me.

Though she tried to walk towards the door, I still haven't budged an inch because I haven't heard yet what I needed to hear.

Niki noticed this and immediately turned around and said, "Don't worry, Keiko-dear. You look absolutely dazzling."

**Author's Note: **Okay, done! Well, that poem above is sent to me through email from a friend and I kind of modified a few lines a bit and I thought it would suit my fic so I added it here. Please Review! Next chapter would be up as soon as possible!

Join my mailing list: groups . yahoo . com / group / lair-of-the-kitsune

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	9. Mustard Madness

**Author's Note: **Hey, chapter nine here. You know the drill…read then review!!!

**COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:**

Your little nagger – alright, I updated already. Happy?

SVZ – me too. I hate to dress up when I don't need to…lol

Mutsumi – o nga, it's too much. Demo, what can I do? That's the whole poem

CherryBlossom Gurl13 – um, well, when you review next time, can you please check the spelling? Thanks.

Gracelyn – this is the first time that you reviewed this fic, actually. J

A Friend – Well, I don't know how to put more romance in it when they are only friends.

Clad Magi Gar – um, well, I don't like Yuusuke-Botan. I'm a Kurama-Botan shipper

Bianka-chan – why, thank you. Actually, I didn't plan for this fic to be this confusing or something, it just sort of happened. Keiko is so very confused, ne? lol

Jesanae Tekani – thank you for the compliment. I try to do my best to please readers.

Rose Angelz, Serenity07, Jen23, Big Rikku Fan, Elementalmoon, BabyBlueBlitz – thank you all, guys…

**Disclaimers Applied!!!**

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 9:  MUSTARD MADNESS

"Don't you think the movie was great?" Niki asked me slyly and I had to glare at her as I looked behind me.

There you were. A slight smile on your face indicating that you find whatever Omi had been talking about, amusing. And as he began to talk more animatedly, your smile grew wider and you eventually broke into fits of laughter.

Then, you looked at me. I tried to smile at you, you know, to reassure you that everything was fine and that I, too, am having a good time in this god-awful date.

But I couldn't do it because in truth, I'm having the worst time of my life. Yeah, this is worse when Kia was screaming and shouting at me whenever she's having a jealous fit.

You turned to Omi and said something to him and when he nodded, you walked faster and held my arms as Omi walked towards Niki to talk to her.

"Hey, are you not having a good time?" you asked, a frown appearing on your pretty face.

I shrugged. My way of saying 'yeah, I'm having a bad time right now. But don't mind me, as long as you're enjoying yourself.'

I heard you sigh so I looked at you. "I told you. You shouldn't have tagged along. You would have enjoyed your time if you spent it with Kuwabara and played some video games," you told me that I had to frown at that.

"Look, Kei, I told you I'm doing this for you, alright? If you're enjoying yourself then its really okay, its fine with me," I said, and then, "besides, it's not like this is the worst date I've ever encountered in my whole life."

Of course, that last line was a lie. This is the worst date of my life. Not because Niki is such a lousy date or something, but because I can't bear to see you getting sweet and flirting with Omi Zekuna.

Well, not exactly. You don't exactly flirt like some girls do, you know, those shameless girls like Kia, but whenever you smile or laugh at whatever Omi had said, and Omi had that look of delight on his face…ugh! I wanted to grab you and drag you behind me while I punch Omi's nose 'til it bleed.

Of course, that would be a sure way to end our friendship so I hold on to my control and hoped that it won't snap any minute now.

I know that if I don't behave myself tonight, well, I don't want to think of the consequences anymore.

You sighed again, and I realized that I'm the one who's keeping you from enjoying yourself tonight. So I turned to look at you. "Kei, I don't want to be the reason why you won't enjoy the night. I'm really okay, you know. You don't have to worry about me," I said and added a smile for effect.

The things I do for you. I swear, ever since I started to like you, I'd become a mush; so soft inside and under your power. I usually wouldn't give a damn if I act so barbaric and immature and it displeases you.

Well, not exactly. Because, back then, I was afraid you would get mad at me and slap me. Physical pain that I'm afraid to endure. But now, I'm afraid to displease you because that might ruin whatever chance I have in having you.

And, well, I think I should not think about displeasing you especially since you smiled at me in return. "If you say so," you said before squeezing my arms and let it go to talk to Omi again.

Damn! I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes more, my heart screamed.

But my mouth kept shut.

I guess I just need to ask you out myself some time later so that I could have you all to myself. Then maybe, just maybe, I could find the courage to tell you what I'm really feeling.

I never noticed that I'm walking beside Niki once again until she spoke to me. "Well, I'm so sorry if I'm such a lousy date," she said coolly as if it doesn't really matter to her.

I looked at her and grinned at her but she only rolled her eyes at me. Then, we both found ourselves laughing over our silliness that you and Omi looked at us in confusion.

Not bothering to explain our sudden outburst, I just looked at you and smiled sheepishly to tell you without words that everything is fine now.

Truth be told, it's not really Niki's fault why I'm having such a lousy time. She'd been a good company and thank Kami I'm comfortable around her lest I would be tongue-tied. Then I would be in a fouler mood than now.

Actually, it's my fault. If I weren't such a jealous fool, then everything would have been fine.

Yeah, the night started out fine, or for me, bad. Omi arrived on time, dressed up and all in slacks and everything while I had on my usual jeans and a nice blue shirt.

Then, it was decided that we all go and see a movie. I was outnumbered, three is to one, and so I had to torture myself for two hours to watch a romantic comedy.

More like your taste, so I had really expected that you will suggest that we see it. And, well, though Niki is not that soft and mushy type of girl, well, she's still a girl so it really isn't a surprise when she agreed with you.

What really surprised me was when Omi agreed with you. I mean, what the hell, and I thought he would agree with me to see that new action movie on.

But no, he just has to please you and agree with you.

I mean, if I am in his situation, even if I want to please you, I won't go and waste my money and two hours of my time to watch a movie that I know I don't really like and I know would bore me to death. What's the deal with the boy meets girl then fall in love, and after some conflict, get back together to live happily ever after, anyway? To watch and really like that kind of movies is simply beyond me.

And then, when we were already inside the movie house, I leaned towards you so that I could hear what you and Omi are talking about, but every time I do that, Niki just had to poke my side hard that I am now expecting it to bruise and be in its ugly violet color. Well, maybe I could use it as an excuse to see you because I know you'll take care of my soon to be bruised side.

So in the end, I haven't heard what the two of you had been talking about while the two of you were cuddling in the movie house; and didn't really understand a thing that happened in the movie. _And Niki even had the nerve to ask me if I enjoyed the movie?!_

So, I think it was pretty understandable that I am having such a bad time.

***CHANGE OF POV***

It would be a lie if I say that I am enjoying my date with Omi tonight. Of course, I would have, under a different situation.

That is, if you aren't behind me sulking like a child or glaring at Niki. I should have known that I would not enjoy the night with another guy when you're tagging along. I would just keep wishing that it was you I'm with and not him.

But of course, it was your idea in the first place, and you insisted, so what can I do? I swear, if you blame me tomorrow that you didn't enjoy the night, I would just have to tell you that I didn't enjoy the night, too, because you were sulking like an immature child.

"So, what would you like to eat?" Omi asked me that jolted me back to reality.

"Huh?"

"What would you like to eat, I said," Omi repeated patiently and flashed me a weak smile.

Good old Omi. He had been very patient with me all night. This isn't exactly the first time that he had to repeat what he said to earn a response from me.

Yeah, I tried so hard to focus my whole attention to him and be the kind of girl I knew he liked, but with your presence so near, how could I do it?

"Whatever you want to eat is fine with me," I said and smiled at him in return. But out of the corner of my eye, I saw you frowned and just lowered your gaze on the menu when Niki nudged you lightly.

Now, that's one thing I've noticed the whole night. I kept seeing Niki nudging you at one point or another, and I guess it's her way of telling you to behave. Well, I think I'd like to try that on you some other time.

"I'll have a Chinese Beef Steak," I heard you tell the waitress and before I could stop myself, I blurted out.

"You're allergic to mustard," I said.

"I know," you said and shrugged, then looked at the menu again.

"Well, you can't eat that. It has mustard," I pointed.

"No, it hasn't. You cooked that for me once or twice," you argued that I had to sigh, exasperated.

"Yuusuke, when I cook for you, I just don't add the mustard so that your whole body won't swell. I'm not stupid," I snapped.

"But –" you said then stopped and turned to Niki who burst out laughing. "What?" you asked, irritated.

"You're allergic of mustard?" Niki managed to choke out. "That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

I saw you scowled at her and I myself am having a hard time controlling the laughter's that's welling up inside me.

"Go on, laugh at me," you said. "Let's see if I would pay for your dinner tonight."

At that, Niki tried to stop laughing, because I myself am shocked when you said that you'll pay for everything that you and Niki would spend for the night. Niki didn't have to pay a single cent. "Sorry," she said, but everyone knows she didn't mean it.

Then, you turned your eyes at me and my heart skipped a beat, "Are you really sure that –"

"Yuu, between the two of us, I'm the one running a ramen house and knows how to cook. Don't you think you should trust me a little bit on this?" I asked.

"Oh, alright," you said then looked down at the menu again. Then, as if I haven't said anything at all, you turned to the waitress who was still patiently waiting to take our orders.

"Miss, does this really have mustard in it?" you asked and pointed at the menu.

I had to throw my hand in exasperation as Omi and Niki smiled at me sympathetically. Yeah, now they know that I have this great best friend who won't even believe me that Chinese Beef Steak has mustard.

"Oh, grow up, you stupid man," I almost yelled in irritation and glared at you.

I saw you squirm on your seat as Niki cleared her throat nervously. Both of you knew what my temper can do. But Omi, not knowing a single thing about me, and maybe he thought I'm just a sweet girl all the time, tried to hold my hand, but I pulled away from him.

"Order something for me, I'm going to get some fresh air," I said to Omi, and throwing one last look at you before I stomped out of the restaurant, not caring at all even if the waitress stood there, gawking at us.

***CHANGE OF POV***

I scowled at Niki even when she nudged me and glared at me. Why the hell am I supposed to go after you when you're the one who got irritated easily. Is it really my fault that I want to make sure if Chinese Beef Steak has mustard or not?

"Come on, you're the one who won't believe a word that she said. You should go after her before she completely lost her temper," Niki told me as I slumped in my seat.

"Why should I? She's the one who's being immature over this," I sulked at Niki, all the while keeping my voice low so that Zekuna won't hear us.

Niki raised an eyebrow at me. "And you're not being immature by not going after her and saying sorry?" she mocked.

"I just don't see why she's making an issue out of that mustard thing," I said and stole a glance at Omi who ordered for all of us, and had apologized for the scene that had happened.

"Just go after her," Niki coaxed me quietly.

"This is so unfair," I sulked again when I noticed that Omi stood up.

"I'll go look for her," he said quietly, obviously disappointed because of what happened.

I sighed. I knew I was defeated so I stood up. "Alright. I'll go talk to her."

"No need," Omi said coolly. "You're the one who made her upset, remember?"

I was shocked, really. This is the first time that Zekuna talked to me with anger in his voice. Usually, he's polite and soft-spoken. But, it didn't really throw me off-guard.

"That's right," I snapped. "That's the very same reason why I should be the one who should talk to her," I said, then, not bothering to hide my annoyance on him, I glared at him.

He glared back.

"Um, guys. Calm down, will you?" Niki said uncomfortably. "Look, Omi, I think it's better if Yuusuke would talk to her. He knows her mood swings better, so he will know what to do."

When Omi sat down (after throwing me one last look, mind you), I smiled weakly at Niki before walking out of the restaurant to look for you.

I saw you at the front porch, a frown on your face. I sighed, then slowly approached you. But before I could utter a word – 

"What are you doing here?" you asked me coldly that I had to wince.

"I –"

"Are you going to tell me that the food is already served and I have to eat it now before it gets cold?" you asked almost sarcastically.

I shook my head. What else am I supposed to say when I know I could make things worse just by opening my mouth?

"Well, what are you doing here? I remember telling everybody that I want to get a dose of fresh air," you said coldly.

"I came to say sorry," I said through gritted teeth, not because I was forced to do so but because I realized how stubborn I was being a few minutes ago.

"Am I supposed to be grateful for that?" you spat and I had to cringe. This is horrible and more serious than I thought. I already said sorry and you're still mad at me.

And accepting the fact that I made things worse with every word I said, after having proven that, I just shook my head again.

Then, a bitter laugh. "What are you sorry about, Yuusuke? Sorry that you didn't trust me enough? Sorry that you made a fool out of me in front of Omi and Niki…and that waitress?" you asked coldly.

"It was supposed to be a joke!" I protested and Kami knows where the hell that sentence came from. One can never really shut up when you're supposed to me a talkative jerk like me."

"A joke?" you repeated incredulously that I knew I'm dead this time. "You want to make a joke out of me?"

"No," I said and furiously shook my head. "You've always thought my allergy on mustard is funny so…um, I noticed that you're feeling rather down, and…um, you know, I thought I could make you smile if I act childish or stupid…" and feeling that my heart might burst from nervousness because you're looking at me intently and I know I'm not making any sense at all – "Please forgive me!" I cried as I took your hand and placed it above my heart.

Your eyes softened before you burst into laughter that I had to sigh with relief. At least, I got through this, right?

"Alright. But don't do that again, okay? Or I'll put lots of mustard in your ramen the next time you dropped by my place," you warned but I paid no heed to it because I was once again attracted to your eyes which seems to dance with glee.

"Agreed," I said in a deep voice, aware that I'm still holding your hand. But since you aren't protesting, why let it go?

But then, "You can let go of my hand now, you know," you mumbled then looked away as a blush crept on your face.

So I awkwardly let go, even if I don't want to. "Um, that's right," I said nervously. Kami, I'm so stupid.

"Maybe we should go back," you said and tried to turn around to enter the restaurant again.

"No," I said loudly as I grabbed your arm. When you looked at me in confusion, I could feel my face go hot. "I uh," I stuttered, "Can we stay here for a minute more?"

You shrugged and walked towards me again that I had to fight a smile from forming. We sat down on the wooden bench as we both looked up, watching the stars.

Before I could stop myself, I put my arm around your shoulder and sighed. You stiffened for about two seconds before finally relaxing as you lay your head on my shoulder and sigh in return. It was really nothing, but for me, it was enough.

I haven't got enough time to enjoy the feeling of you in my arms when you stood up and looked at me. "We should get inside. Those two might be wondering what happened to us."

I nodded and followed you as you walked. But before you enter the restaurant, you stopped and not even bothering to look at me, you said. "You don't really believe I'd fall for that 'it was supposed to be a joke to make you smile', right? I'm not that stupid, really."

**Author's Note: **So, that's done…'til the next chapter

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	10. Back Where We Started

**Author's Note: **I'm once again apologizing for the delay. I hope this chapter will compensate for it. And this is ultra long just for you.

**COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:**

XLunatiCxD – thank you for that nice compliment. And as a form of gratitude, here's an update

Minae – yeah, there are a _few _lot who said they cried. It wasn't my intention to make my readers sad, by the way…lol

CherryBlossom Gurl13 – woah! Long review, thanks. I'm not saying anything but this chapter might give you an idea on what would happen

Aryanne – wow, so many reviews…lol

Leigh – yeah, you would have more chapters to read but the author misses the reviews and comments, lol

Winnie – sorry for the confusing POV but it's a style I want to stick with

Mutsumi – ei, gawa na pc ko kaya pede na ko update ulet!

Your little nagger -  I really appreciate long reviews but not like this. You should at least think that I have more life than fanfiction. And even if you pressure me by filling my reviews with simply Update! I would still not do it if I won't be able to. I have more priorities, you know.

Bianka-chan – well, I didn't mean for people to side with Yuusuke or Keiko, but you seem to be doing it, lol. 

Jesanae Tekani, like id tell you, Rosa Angelz, fan of your fic – thanks to you

**Disclaimers Applied!!!**

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 10:  Back Where We Started

"No, Omi. I really really need to study for the quiz tonight," I said and laughed when he tried to give me that puppy eyes look.

"Come on, I'm going to take the quiz, too, but I'm willing to not study so that we could go out for dinner tonight," he said and grabbed my hands and squeeze it lightly.

"Omi, even if you don't study for the quiz, you'll ace it easily. That's how smart you are," I said as a matter-of-factly.

He laughed at that. "You're smart, too, and we both know that. You don't need to study," he tried once again, still not letting go of my hands.

"Omi –"

"I'll let you copy my answers if you're not confident with your intelligence," Omi said but the look I gave him prompt him to say, "Alright, forget I said anything."

I smiled weakly at him, and though he'd already apologized in that indirect way of his, I cannot help but lecture him, "I'd rather be caught dead than cheating, Omi. I've worked hard for my grades for so long."

"I'm sorry."

I looked at him and slowly smiled. "Don't worry about it," I said.

"Well, how about we study together for tonight?" Omi said and tried to hold my waist to pull me closer to him.

"No." I said and giggled as I removed his hands on my waist. It tickles, you know. "Come on, it's not like we're not going to see each other tomorrow."

"Keiko –" Omi began again and tried to give me that puppy eyes again.

I smiled and slowly shook my head. When he tried to pout, I burst into laughter and pushed him gently out the door to the front porch.

"Tomorrow," I said and tried to look stern. "I mean it, Omi."

Omi sighed, defeated, then slowly nodded. At least, he understood me and didn't try to force me to spend time with him when I didn't want to. Not that I don't want to spend time with him, he is, after all my –

"Tomorrow then?" Omi asked, cutting my thoughts suddenly.

"Okay," I said and shrugged nonchalantly.

He nodded then leaned towards me to press his lips to mine. It was over and done with before I could react to that. And when he pulled back, the glint in his eyes made me blush and I can feel all the blood rushed to my face.

He was so cocky about that stolen kiss, I opened my mouth to tell him to stop being such an insufferable, obnoxious jerk when –

"Yukimura Keiko." A chillingly cold voice reached my ear that I pulled away from Omi suddenly.

***CHANGE OF POV***

My eyebrows knitted as I watched the scene unfold before me.

Of course, I have no intention to spy on you but I had no choice as I was rooted on the spot and could only stare at the both of you. 

Do nothing but watch helplessly; rage forming within me.

Though the both of you are still inside the ramen house, the open door is enough for me to see and witness what was happening inside.

I saw him hold your hand, but you did nothing to pull away. You let it happen, and in fact, flirted a little, if your smile is an indication.

I was appalled that I suddenly stopped walking towards your house and even as the two of you went out to the front porch, neither of you took notice of me.

Maybe because I was standing so still. Maybe because I was standing in the shadows…or maybe because your attention were completely on each other that the two of you were oblivious to anything else.

And then the kiss.

_My_ Keiko does not flirt and she definitely does not let anybody kiss her just like that. But the Keiko I'm seeing right now is telling and showing me otherwise. Changed so much that I was overcome with emotions.

Anger because another man had dared touch what was mine. Sadness because I was once again reminded that I could never have you the way I wanted. And jealousy because you let him kiss you. Without hesitation.

Maybe I would be able to accept it if it was on the hand, on the forehead. Even on the cheek. But it was on the lips – and you let him get away with it.

Or maybe not. Maybe, even if I had only seen you holding hands with him, I would still feel this. Because I was suddenly consumed with jealousy, I wondered how I stopped myself from not storming towards you to rip the two of you apart.

I could only let my anger known in those two little words I uttered coldly. "Yukimura Keiko."

The two of you pulled away from each other and almost jumped in surprise that the both of you could not utter a word for quite some time.

You stole a glance at me and when I looked at you, you suddenly looked down, a blush creeping on your face.

Then, Omi cleared his throat nervously that my attention switched to him as the floor seemed to fascinate you that time that you can't take your eyes off it.

"Right," Omi said and chuckled nervously. "I'd better get going. See you at school, the both of you."

At that statement, you looked up and slowly nodded, trying hard not to look at me, though I know my gaze is already penetrating your soul. "I'll walk you –"

"He can damn well find his way out," I said, gritting my teeth in anger. I wanted to talk to you and this 'I'll walk you out' lines to Omi would not work for you this time.

I refuse to let the matter go and I will not rest for tonight until it had been settled. By all means, you will have some major explaining to do and I don't really care if I'm acting like a jealous lover.

We will talk about you.

You cringed at my tone and Omi almost paled when he saw you. Hn. Served the bastard right for ever laying his hands on you.

 "It's okay, Keiko. It's no big deal," he said, and this time, he got over his nervousness by looking at me. At least, he could be a man when he needs to be.

You only nodded as you watched him go then hesitantly turned your gaze towards me. I saw you fidget as you shifted your weight from one foot to the other.

Obviously, you are dreading the topic to be brought up and I know you're a little scare of me right now. How it happened, I didn't know. You aren't exactly the fearful type. If anything, though I'm ashamed to admit it, I'm the one who's afraid of you.

Then, you closed your eyes and inhaled deeply before opening them again slowly to look at me. "Yuusuke –"

"I haven't eaten yet. Do you have some food left?" I asked, cutting you from whatever explanation you decided to say.

Yeah, I know I'm making the matter worse by delaying the talk about it and it was really sadistic of me. I know you would continue to squirm and feel really uncomfortable, but, well, at the state I'm in, I don't think I would be able to listen to your explanations, anyway.

I'm too tired to fight with you. I'm just too tired to run after you. So, I'm letting you off the hook.

"I, uh," you stammered, and looked nervously at me, "I'll just cook something for you if you want to wait."

I shrugged nonchalantly. Truth be told, I lost my appetite when I saw you with him – flirting shamelessly. So I just made up a reason to be here. Actually, it really isn't a lie. I really did come here to eat, but, well, considering the scene I've witnessed, who would blame me for losing my appetite?

And still, you stood there, looking at me, as if expecting me to say anything. Yeah, I know you're expecting me to say something about it, but I'm sorry, I wouldn't.

"You were going to cook me dinner," I reminded you and you looked confused before you remembered what you said to me.

"Right," you said softly before turning your back on me and going back inside the house to the kitchen.

I followed you and sat on the counter, my usual spot. But that would be the last usual thing I'll do for tonight. Usually, whenever I drop by to eat, we talk about our days as I wait for my meal to get cooked.

Today, I opened my bag and brought out my brand new manga and began flipping the pages, intending to not have the small chats we used to have.

"So, why'd you drop by here?" you asked nervously, and when I didn't reply, didn't even looked at you from the manga I'm reading, you continued. "It took me by surprise."

"I told you, I'm hungry," I answered, using a lazy tone, when I felt you looking at me expectantly, waiting for my answer.

"Oh. Well, that's nice."

No response from me.

"So, how's your day?"

"Fine," I said, still I continued to flip the pages of my manga.

You cleared your throat and that surely got my attention. I looked at you and my heart almost break. Yeah, it's corny, but I couldn't help it when you looked like you're trying hard not to cry.

"Yuusuke, about what you saw –"

"Have you seen Botan lately?" I asked suddenly, needing to stop you from opening that topic for discussion.

The question threw you off-guard that you looked at me in confusion. "No," you said.

I nodded. "Yeah, me too."

You slowly shook your head as a sad smile grazed your lips. I knew that you found out about my scheme to avoid the topic. "Yuu-"

"You know, it's getting boring and dull around here," I interrupted you, again, "it would be really nice if I would have a new mission for a change. You know, get away from here for quite awhile."

"You seriously can't mean that!" you exclaimed as tears gather around your eyes.

"Oh yeah? What is it to you, anyway?" I asked, suddenly annoyed. Now, you're acting as if you're my mother.

***CHANGE OF POV***

"What is it to me?" I repeated, my voice getting louder, "last time you went on this mission, you almost got yourself killed!" I yelled, though tears fell from my eyes.

"It won't be the first time," you muttered and I lost it right there and then.

"Fine," I said and stomped towards the stove to get your food.

How could you do this to me? I know I owe you an explanation about what you saw but you're making it harder when you won't even let me bring it up.

And that mission? What should I make of that? You could have told me you never want to see me again and it would hurt less than when you told me you want to go on a mission. I'm not dumb. I know what you're getting at. You were saying that you'd rather go on a mission and get yourself killed than be safe here and risk the chance of seeing me.

_I'm really starting to hate you, you know,_ the thought formed as I put down your yakiudon in front of you. "You know, you're really stupid," I said coldly, and turned around to leave you with your food.

Still, you did not let me have the last say, because as soon as I turned my back on you, you retorted, "I know I'm stupid, you don't have to rub it," you said and I could only close my eyes in irritation.

I whirled around to look at you, my eyes blazing in anger. "You want to go on a mission and get killed? Fine! See if I care. It's none of my goddamn business!" I yelled.

"That's right. It's none of your business," you snapped and stared at me coldly.

I nodded slowly, understanding at last what you're trying to tell me. "I see," I said softly, and, "so stop acting like a jerk because my dating Omi is also none of your goddamn business."

A glass dropped on the floor, shattering into thousand of pieces.

***CHANGE OF POV***

"You're dating Zekuna?" I asked softly, not wanting to believe what you just said.

Refusing to acknowledge the fact that you crushed my already broken heart.

The cold anger instantly died in your eyes as you looked at the broken pieces of glass I was previously holding. Then, you looked at me and your eyes conveyed guilt. Already confirming that what I heard was correct.

"Yuusu-"

"Don't bother," I said coldly, already standing up, intending to just leave it as it is.

What's the use? What's the point of staying? For you to be able to say that you're sorry and that you don't mean to keep it from me?

I know I'm not in the same league with you or Zekuna when it comes to IQ, but, damn! I'm not that stupid enough to start with.

What is this about, anyway? Do you have this morbid fascination with the saying 'history repeats itself'? I know I hurt you when I didn't tell you about Miruni soon, but, do you have to do the same thing to me?

I was about to go and leave when Yukimura-jisan appeared in the doorway, blocking my way out.

"Is there something wrong? I thought I heard a glass breaking," he said  as his gaze shifted from you to me.

I looked at you but you seemed too distressed to answer your father so I said, "Everything's alright, jisan. The glass just slipped out of my hand," I said as I breathed deeply.

"Oh. Alright," he said and smiled at me. "Well, you go ahead and talk. I'll be upstairs."

When he turned around and leave, I was about to leave again, but your words stopped me.

"I know I should have told you about us earlier," you began as you took a step towards me.

"You should have," I replied, but still my back is turned from you.

"Please don't make this hard for me," you said, almost begging, but I think my heart just hurt so much for me to sympathize at you.

I whirled around to look at you. "Hard on you?" 

"You think I'm hard on you?" I repeated the question loudly when you whimpered, then laughed bitterly. "Tell me one thing, Keiko, do you have any plans to tell me about it? If I didn't find out about it…would you tell me about it?"

You only looked at me, eyes pleading as tears cascaded down your cheeks. Begging me to stop.

But I didn't.

"Would you?" I repeated, grasping your shoulders tightly, demanding for your answer.

 "Yuusuke, please…"

"Please what?" I asked, then let go of your shoulders. "Oh, you don't want to answer the question? Sure, we'll let it go. I'll just make a guess," I said sarcastically, only pausing to take a deep breath, "I think, since we were so close to each other, you imitated my style. Tell me…are you and Omi dating for one week now?"

The only response I got was when you looked away from me.

"Answer me, dammit!" I yelled, punching the table beside me, the plate rattled.

You cringed as though I hit you. "It was two weeks, alright," you said, tears falling from your eyes.

"Two weeks!" you said, finding enough courage to look at me in the eye. "Are you happy now?"

_Two weeks?_ I almost blurted out loudly. But I stopped myself in time. Instead, I laughed bitterly.

You've been lying to me for two weeks now. You've been betraying me for half a month already. I thought we were the best of friends. Had thought that we knew each other better than anybody else.

I was wrong. You kept this from me for two weeks and Kami knows how long you intended to keep this from me if I hadn't caught you a while ago.

Yeah, I know I did the same thing to you but that was different. Miruni was your rival and I knew you would not take the news well. But this time, I knew that Zekuna was courting you. I also knew that you liked him in some way, why hide it from me?

"Two weeks, huh?" I said seriously when I stopped laughing. "That's right. How stupid can I get? That was two days after our double date. I should have known it's bound to happen. You were flirting shamelessly with him, you're worse than a whore."

I suddenly shut up when your palm came in contact with my cheeks – hard.

***CHANGE OF POV***

That's right. I slapped you after so many months of not doing so. But I didn't regret it. Because you deserved it.

"How dare you," I said as I looked at you straight in the eye, my own eyes blazing in anger.

"You have the nerve, Urameshi Yuusuke," I said angrily while poking your chest, "After all those years, after everything we've been through, how could you even think, much more say it to my face, that I am _worse_ than a whore?"

"You have no right to insult me like that, do you hear me?" I continued, and forced myself to stop crying, wiping angrily the remaining tears falling.

Then, you looked at me. Letting me see all of your emotions. Your eyes telling me without words, that you, too, felt betrayed like I was before, when I kept this from you.

Your eyes telling me that you did not mean anything you said. It was only your anger talking, and I know your cheek is already stinging right now. My slaps were known for their stinging effect.

"I'm sorry," I said and took a step forward to look at your cheek.

You stepped back, your eyes showing all your pain.

"I'll go get some ice," I offered hopefully, but you only shook your head at me as you smiled bitterly.

"Don't bother, Kei."

I burst into tears once again. You were using my nickname again but the tone of your voice told me you won't be using it again anytime, soon.

"Yuusuke, please –"

"I need to get going now, it's getting late," you said softly even as I shook my head furiously at you.

I refused to let you leave. To let you go. Who knows, after you went out of the door, when will be able to see each other again. I don't even want to think that I will lose you again because of another lousy fight we, immature adults, can't resolve.

"Please, Yuusuke. I'm so sorry," I said, my eyes pleading at you already. "Just…let's not make an issue out of this. Let's stop fighting, come on."

But you only looked at me, emotionless, that my heart started breaking.

"Come on. Let's act like adults. I don't want the same thing to happen to us once again. I –" I said then paused to take a shuddering breath, "I don't want to lose you again, Yuu."

Your eyes softened and I see a glimmer of hope, only, you smiled sadly at me. "You will always have me, Kei. Just, leave me alone for the time-being."

And that was it. Without another word, you turned away from me, and walked out of the house, even remembering to shut the door behind you, as I was once again rooted on the spot.

Leaving me with a sense of déjà vu when you told me once that we should stop talking to each other…but, for how long this time?

**Author's Note: **Waah! That was so sad! And you guys, don't know how much I wanted to just let Yuusuke say "I love you" and let Keiko say "I love you, too" and end it all. But I know you won't like it that way and I wouldn't like it that way, too. So, I've been using all my abilities to create good chapters for you, guys.

So, what's the point of all these? I'm just asking you, guys to review…come on, be gratitude lol, kidding…

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	11. I Love You, Yukimura Keiko

**Author's Note: **I'm once again apologizing for the delay. I got busy with the new layout for my site, (please check it out, I've got a fanart of Zekuna there à "others" section of fanart). And I'm also reviewing for my board exam, so bear with me.

**COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:**

Water Guardian – and I was wondering where my first reviewer for this fic went. Lol. Glad you're back…here's a reward for your patience, a nice long chapter for you.

Katie – alright, this is the update. Lol

Cherryblossom Gurl13 – I'm glad you like it.

Anigym – see if you can find me…lol. Anyway, I think if you do horrible things to me, I'll just make Omi end up with Keiko, hehe

Francine – if I put I love you, it would end the fic already, don't you think?

Your little nagger – guess I can't stop you from nagging…but you can't make me update if the chapter is not done yet, right? lol

YYH gal – please don't die. Here's your chapter.

Rose Angelz, angel-leigh, Penny: Angel of Darkest Dreams, LittleDarkOne, DAMN, Celebgwenn, K1K, aira, 

**Disclaimers Applied!!!**

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 11: I Love You, Yukimura Keiko

"Hey, gorgeous!" you said and under his arms, I stiffened and paled noticeably.

"Are you alright?" Omi asked me, worry evident in his eyes.

I barely nodded. 

"Are you –"

"I'm sure, Omi. Don't worry about me," I cut him off and sighed. My shoulders slumped as I forced my eyes not to wander and look for you.

I know you were somewhere here. Somewhere near. I can hear your voice even if I can't really make out what you were saying.

It's been two weeks. Yeah, two weeks since you walked out on me; and well, up to now, I don't know what to do to get you to talk to me.

Of course, we talk while we were inside the classroom but it was composed of questions and monosyllabic answers. Whenever I tried to engage you in a conversation, you always managed to make some excuse to leave.

"Are you having trouble with Yuusuke?" he asked me again.

I shook my head. I don't know why, but I don't want him to know about our fight. I know he's not dumb and I know he figured out something was wrong, but at least he respected my privacy that I don't want to tell him about it.

"You haven't been talking to him –"

"He's busy," I interrupted him and he only snorted in disapproval. See? I told you he's not dumb.

"Why don't you go ahead? You have a class, right?" I asked irritably and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Alright," he sighed, giving up. "Tell you what, why don't you wait for me after class? I'll walk you home," he said.

"No need," I said while shaking my head. "I'll meet up with Niki, anyway. Some other time, maybe?" I asked. Of course, I know he was only doing this because he knew I don't want to walk home alone. Omi, he was such a darling.

"Alright. Whatever you want," he said then gave me a peck on the cheek. "I'll see you then?"

"Yeah, bye." I said and smiled at him before turning around.

I spotted you with Meia and walked towards you to at least listen to the conversation. I know eavesdropping is bad but if I suddenly join the conversation, you will just go – again. Besides, I want to watch you for a few minutes.

***CHANGE OF POV***

"Hey!" I said defensively as I grabbed the paper from her. "This is the highest mark I got in a Math exam – ever!"

"You mean even when we were in grade school and we were asked to write the kanji of numbers?" Meia asked incredulously and I only huffed in response.

"But, Yuu-kun! This is a fail! 42 out of 100 is a fail and that is the highest grade you got?" Meia asked again, oblivious to my irritation.

"Well, thanks a lot! You surely boosted my confidence," I said sarcastically. Then, I turned serious, "So, what about it?"

"What about what?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "The chemistry book!" I said, exasperated. "I told you earlier that I'm borrowing that, right?"

Meia narrowed her eyes at me. "Why are you borrowing my chemistry book _again_?"

I scratched my head. _Oh boy, is borrowing a book from a girl really this difficult?_ "Isn't it obvious?" I asked.

"You're going to study chemistry?!" Meia asked again, surprise written on her face.

"Well, it's not like I can eat it, right?" I said sarcastically. Seriously, what's her problem if I wanted to study?

"Where's your book?"

"I don't know. Got buried in my room," I said sheepishly at her, but still, she narrowed her eyes at me.

"And why is it that it is my book that you're borrowing?"

"Well, it's not like I can borrow from my ex-girlfriend, right?" I asked sarcastically, again, then glared at the students who were staring at us. I mean, what the hell is their problem, anyway?

"Where's Keiko?" she suddenly asked.

"How the hell should I know?" I asked, irritated because of the students previously staring at us. They cowered away but I heard them saying things like I'm intimidating poor Meia.

If I were to say my own opinion, I'd say Meia _is _intimidating me. And speaking of intimidating –

"You don't know where Keiko is, you're not borrowing the book from her, did you two have a fight?" she asked me.

"We didn't have a fight," I denied and vehemently shook my head.

"Then why aren't you with her?" she continued asking me. Really, the trouble I had to go through just for a book.

"Because she's busy!"

"Keiko told me she's not doing anything after class," Meia informed me and I guess I totally lost it.

"Fine! If you don't want me to borrow your book, you can just say so," I said, irritated and was about to leave when – 

"Hi guys! I heard my name. Were you talking about me?" you said and my heart stopped beating.

***CHANGE OF POV***

I didn't really mean to join the conversation but it looks like Meia is starting to irritate you.

"Good, you're here. Tell me, did you and Yuu-kun had a fight?" Meia asked me.

"No. Why would we fight?" I lied, and tried looking confused. I guess I'm a pretty good actress because Meia looked a little ashamed of herself.

"See? I told you," you said as Meia handed the book to you.

"Yuusuke said you were busy. I thought you're not doing anything today?" she asked me.

I looked at you, looking terribly bored, and fought the urge to laugh. Yeah, since when did Meia become this interrogating policewoman?

"Actually, I had a meeting awhile ago. It was sort of an emergency," I lied again. Why I'm doing this, I'm not even sure.

"I see," Meia said then looked from me to you. I guess she can sense that she's being lied at.

"Aren't you supposed to go to your meeting or something?" you asked her and her face suddenly lit up.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me. See you," she said, then turned to leave.

When she was out of earshot, you turned from me and started to walk away.

"Yuusuke, wait up!" I called and I was glad that you stopped and looked at me, well, even if you don't look really friendly.

"You're going home?" I asked and my heart sank when you just shrugged. _Well, it's not a crime to speak, you know?_

"That's nice. Can we walk together? I hate walking alone," I blabbed on. Yeah, I'm just pretending to be cheerful and act really talkative because uncomfortable silences with you always made me, um, uncomfortable.

You cleared your throat. "Actually, I'm not going home yet."

"Why? Where are you going?" I asked nervously. Usually, when you don't head home straight after school, you end up in brawls and god knows what trouble.

"I've got…plans," you said as we walked side by side.

See? This was yet another one of your excuses so that you can get away from me. But I'm too tired of this chase.

"Really? That's alright. I don't really want to go home yet," I said and smiled as I walked ahead.

You stopped in your tracks. "You can't come with me," you said and I think I heard panic in your voice. What's wrong with you now?

"Why? Where are you going, anyway?"

"Uh, I've got plans with Kurama."

At that, I laughed. But I think it was a bitter laugh. Really, can't you come up with a better excuse? Plans with Kurama? I knew for a fact that aside from studying and being active in extra-curricular activities, Kurama also worked part-time for Hatanaka-san's business. And what time he has left was either spent on Reikai doing god-knows-what, or just staying at home, studying.

You can't find a busier person than Kurama and you're telling me you've got plans with him? That was full of crap.

"What's so funny?" you asked suddenly. I guess I should be thankful. This is the longest conversation we had ever since you found out I'm dating Omi.

"You." I said and when you raised an eyebrow, "Look, Yuusuke, if you want to get rid of me, you should think of a more realistic excuse than –"

"Hey, Keiko!" Kurama greeted me, I suddenly forgot what I was saying.

"Hey," I greeted, "What are you doing here?"

Kurama looked at us, puzzled. "Didn't Yuusuke tell you? He was asking some help for his Chemistry."

"Oh." I said. Well, what can I say? I didn't know you were telling the truth. I thought you were pulling Meia's leg when you borrowed the book. "I didn't know he was serious," I said, glancing at you.

You were looking away so I turned to Kurama and smiled. "So, what have you been up to nowadays?"

He shrugged. "Nothing much. How about you? I heard you were pretty busy."

"I am?" I asked, confused. Aside from the student council, which I've been a member for years, there's nothing I can think of for me to get busy with.

"Well, Yuusuke told me you were busy that's why he was asking me for help," Kurama explained then looked at you, confusion written on his face.

I looked at you and you seemed to be avoiding my eyes. Well, it wasn't new, really. You've been avoiding me for two weeks, you were lying to our friends, even and well, I don't really know what's wrong.

Actually, I do. I do know what's wrong. You wanted your space but you don't want everyone to know that we're having trouble, so you lied to them.

"She was, uh, quite busy," you said to Kurama before glancing at me nervously.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I was busy this last two weeks. Yuusuke and I didn't really have that much time to talk and hang out."

"Well, since you don't seem to be busy today, you can join us," Kurama invited. "Actually, you could help me by telling me what you've discussed, your next lesson and the likes, you know."

I opened my mouth to answer but you beat me into it.

"She can't."

"She can't?" Kurama repeated in question, then looked at me as if it would make him understand.

"Actually, I don't really have anything to do, so –"

"Aren't you supposed to meet with Zekuna or something?" you asked in irritation maybe because I decided not to play along.

"Woah! Wait a minute," Kurama said, halting the already brewing fight between us, "who is this Zekuna?"

"Keiko's boyfriend," you said, then, "she's not coming with us. She's _BUSY!"_

Kurama cleared his throat, at lost of what to say, and I just had enough.

"Well, since you're so into the idea of avoiding me, I will, of course, accommodate you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have this sudden appointment to go to because I am such a busy person," I said then walked out on you both.

***CHANGE OF POV***

I looked at your retreating figure when Kurama patted me on the back. That surely got my attention.

"Yuusuke, buddy. I would like to say that you blew it, big time!"

"I did it, didn't I?" I said forlornly as we started walking towards his place.

"What really happened?" he asked me.

"You witnessed it, right? I kept pushing her away and she just blew me up!" I said, irritated.

"Why do you keep on pushing her away, anyway?"

I couldn't look at his eyes, instead, I looked on the ground when I lied. "She kept her relationship from me for two weeks. It hurt me, as if she didn't expect me to understand."

He chuckled. "Well, considering your reaction now, she would really keep it from you had she predicted that."

I glared at him. "Are you siding her?" I asked. Hn, some friend I got.

He laughed this time. _Really, does this man know how close he is to being throttled to death?_ "No, I'm not siding her. I'm just trying to get you to say the truth."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Are you saying that I am lying?"

"I did not say that," Kurama said and smiled a little too innocently as we turned right at the corner.

"Well, I'm telling the truth," I said and nodded to prove what I said.

"So you say."

"I really am telling the truth," I insisted.

"Right."

"Well," I said then turned to him, "If I am not telling the truth, what do you think is the reason why I'm avoiding her?" I challenged him.

"You're jealous of her boyfriend," Kurama said as a matter-of-factly, I was shocked, my jaw dropped.

"Are you out of your mind?" I asked, aghast. Am I that transparent?

"No, you are. Actually, you're going crazy with your jealousy of her boyfriend," he goaded more, and left me there standing in front of his apartment while he opened the door.

When my senses came back to me, I followed him inside the house and found him in the kitchen, raiding his refrigerator.

"I am not jealous. Why the hell would I be jealous?" I still denied stubbornly.

"I don't know. You tell me," he challenged me as he tossed me a soda. I caught it, but did not open it immediately.

"I'm not jealous. Now, quit it. I'm here for the Chemistry."

***CHANGE OF POV***

"That's not fair," I said and stomped my foot while we walked on our way to our house later that day.

After I walked out on you, I just decided to wait for Omi and reasoned to him that Niki cancelled on me because she has something to do after school.

"Why? It's not my fault," Omi said as he looked at me curiously.

"It is so," I said stubbornly, "You shouldn't have studied for the quiz."

"You told me to study, so I did," he reminded me, exasperated, "why are you so worked up about it, anyway?"

"Because I didn't study. If I had studied, I would get a higher mark, higher than yours."

The guy had the nerve to laugh. After I waited for him for more than an hour, then getting the results of our exam, his being higher than mine, he had the gall to laugh. "So, that's it. You're getting worked up because I got a higher mark because I studied and you didn't."

I did not say anything about that.

"Why didn't you study, anyway?" he asked me, "you almost pushed me out of your house that night," he said, referring to the night when you found out about us.

I looked at him as if he'd grown another head. "Have you forgotten that Yuusuke was there, too?"

"Oh yeah," he said and slapped his forehead. "You two fought?"

"No." I denied.

He snorted. "That's why you've been moody this past few days?"

"I am not moody," I told him and kicked a stone on the street.

He snorted again. "I'm not blind, honey. It will be easier if you will just admit it and let it all out."

At that, I looked at him and I felt tears gather at the corner of my eyes. He's such a real angel and I know I don't deserve him. Not when I'm in love with another man.

Not when I'm in love with you.

"He got mad at me because I didn't tell him about us sooner. He said I'm just getting my revenge because of what he did when he dated Miruni," I said and now, tears fell from my eyes.

And then, I was in his arms. He was holding me so tight and maybe, I was feeling so lonely that I hugged him, too. Relishing in the comfort his presence gave me.

I continued to cry, even when I knew I'm soaking his shirt, I cannot stop the tears.

I never noticed that you dropped your hands from me to get a tissue from your bag. Then, you tilted my chin and wiped the tears away.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" he asked me softly as he caressed my cheek.

My lips trembled so I just shook my head. I know I can't trust my voice just yet.

"Are you sure? I can explain to him what happened. He might listen to me," he said, using that soft tone again.

I shook my head again. "He'll kill you, Omi," I said, matching the softness of his voice, forgetting the fact that we were in the middle of the street, that people might see us with our display of affection.

It's a good thing only a few people pass this street everyday.

"I'll do anything to make that smile appear on your face again, Keiko," he said, caressing my lips, "even if it kills me"

I turned away. "Don't say things like that to me," I said softly.

You tilted my chin up again so I would look at you. "Listen to me, you don't have to be afraid. I know. I know that he's more special than I am to you. I know that if I'll ask you to choose between us, I have no fighting chance."

"It's not like –"

"Ssshhh," he said, putting his index finger on my lips to stop what I have to say. "It's alright. Do you think I'm blind? Well, I'm not, though I'm not so sure if I'm stupid. I mean, look at me, I know you're loving another man and here I am, forcing myself on you. And you know what? I don't care. I don't fucking care. I LOVE YOU, YUKIMURA KEIKO."

I gasped, and jerked away from his embrace. This was the first time he told me he's in love with me. I thought he only liked me. "You can't possibly mean that!" I said and looked away so that he won't see the disappointment in my eyes.

True, I have been dreaming for this moment for so long. The words he said, everything was chosen carefully, it was very beautiful. Only, he isn't the right man. His mouth isn't the one I wanted to hear those words from.

He isn't you.

He will never be you.

"I mean it, Keiko," he spoke again, and when I look into his eyes, there was a determined glint in them. "And if it's the last thing I have to do, I will make you love me, you won't know what hit you."

With that, his arms encircled my waist, pulled me closer to him and kissed me with all the tenderness and passion I didn't know he possessed.

**Author's Note: **Done! I know you didn't like the chapter, but I love it so much. (notice that the chapter is unusually long?) So, please do review. It would inspire me to write more faster and more beautiful chapters for you, guys.

Join my mailing list: http:// groups. yahoo. com/ group/ lair-of-the-kitsune

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	12. Are You or Are You Not?

**Author's Note: **Here's the next installment…Enjoy!

**COMMENT ON THE REVIEWS:**

Rose Angelz – well, I really like that chapter… J

Kawaii gurl-11 – that was so sad…anyway, this fic, too, is based on real life

Rioni26 – thanks for the compliment

Miyako14, Elementalmoon, Penny: Angel of Darkest Dreams, totally cool – thanks for the reviews!!!

**Disclaimers Applied!!!**

Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 12: Are You or Are You Not?

"I really hate you," I said and groaned as I lie down his bed.

"No, you don't," he said and pulled me into a sitting position. "Now, come on and finish this."

"I don't want to," I said and frowned at him.

Kurama only laughed. "Don't be so mule-headed about it. Now finish the bloody homework."

"But I'm so tired. My brain is demanding a rest already," I wailed but Kurama only handed me the calculator.

Why oh why did I ever think asking Kurama to tutor me was a fantastic idea? It was god-awful! He didn't even show me any kind of mercy and won't give my tired little mind a rest.

"No. We won't stop 'til you finish this," he said firmly.

I sighed and glared at him. Fine! I knew he wouldn't relent. Not a nerd like him.

_I should have asked Meia's help instead_, I thought but immediately disregarded the idea. She's more ruthless than that kitsune. 

At least, Kurama allowed me to eat snacks every once in a while.

It's just that, why am I being like this anyway? I, myself, don't know. Maybe I'm just used to your pampering. You know, whenever you would tutor me, you totally understood that I'm not used to long study periods.

You allowed me to lounge around, eat, take a break and be immaturely impossible during those times that you ended up doing half of my homework.

But not this time. I knew you are just too furious at me right now that it won't be a good idea for me to approach you and ask you for your help.

It's not like I want to ask for your help, either. I'm just insanely jealous of Zekuna – no matter how much I deny it to myself and to everybody.

I stared at the problem and disgustedly looked at the kitsune. "What the hell is this? I can't even understand a damn thing!"

Kurama smiled patiently at me. "It's called valences, Yuusuke," he said as if that sentence made perfect, logical sense to me.

"I have never seen anything like this before," I said definitely.

"Of course, you haven't," Kurama said grimly and handed me my notebook, "look at your notes. How do you expect to learn with that?"

I took a peek and immediately blushed. On that page was a big WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS LOON TALKING ABOUT? And under that were a number of your name. _Yukimura Keiko._

 "I was just –"

"Sure. You were just bored to death and can't understand a thing. So you wrote Keiko's name a number of times. You seemed to have an awful fascination of her name. You want to claim it as your own? Or, are you still going to deny that you like her?"

"I don't – alright. I do like her. So what? She's got a boyfriend already," I said, totally upset and irritated.

"Look, maybe if you tell her –"

"Ha! She'll probably think I'm out of my mind and succeeded in going over the edge," I said bitterly.

"I don't think –"

"Hi guys," Botan greeted as she soared into the window of Kurama's room.

I was not really in the mood for her cheerfulness that night so I just nodded at her and my jaw almost dropped open when she sat next to Kurama and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Honestly, if I were in my normal self right now, I would have teased them. So that's why Kurama's been spending so much time in Reikai – his girlfriend was there.

"Haven't you got anything to do?" Kurama asked her, confused, but she just smiled at him.

"I just dropped by here. I'm going in two minutes," Botan said then stood up and went to his closet, "did I leave my jacket here the last time? I can't find it in my closet."

I followed Kurama with my gaze when he stood up and went to his closet and crouched down. "Here it is."

"Thanks," she said as she put on the jacket, "I'm going now. Drop by my place when you have some free time, alright?"

When Kurama nodded, she smiled and kissed him again. I turned away because I know I'm invading their privacy already.

"Bye, Yuusuke!" I heard her say and looked up to her as just before she soared into the air again.

"I didn't know you are dating her," I said and he only shrugged at me.

"You wanna go get some lunch?" he asked instead and I just nodded at him, glad that he had forgotten my problem with you.

*-*

"Why do we have to eat here, of all places?" I asked irritably as he ushered me inside your ramen house.

"I haven't been here in ages," he said and smirked at me.

"I'm not going to tell her about it," I said to him and he only smirked at me – again.

"Don't be stupid. We're here to eat, not court your bestfriend."

***CHANGE OF POV***

_He's here,_ I panickedly thought that I didn't notice I smoothened my hair nervously.

"Keiko!"

Otousan called me and I weakly walked over to him. "What is it, tousan?"

"Your lad is here. Ask him what he wanted to eat," he urged me and I guess I blushed furiously because I can feel my face go hot.

"Yuusuke is not my lad, tousan," I told him, quite embarrassed by his assumption.

"Sure. Now ask him what he wanted to eat, I'll just wash the dishes at the back –"

"But tousan!" I complained but my father had already gone inside. Some father I got!

Alright, so I was left there to take your orders, and cook for it, too. I just hope I won't be too tempted to put mustard in your food because you certainly have no idea that you hurt me because you are being such an ass.

I walked towards you and almost sighed when you turned your gaze away from me.

Okay, I can take that. I know you're mad at me and my heart doesn't really have to break because of that.

"Hi, may I take your orders, please," I said politely, the lines, well-rehearsed.

"I don't really know, what can you offer us, Keiko?" Kurama asked me and politely smiled.

"Um –"

"We'll have the house's special, two orders," you told me, but you didn't even look at me.

"How about some drinks, _sir_?"

Kurama chuckled at that. "Just two sodas. You don't have to be so polite, we're frie—"

"Would that be all, sir?"

"Keiko –" Kurama began.

"So, let me repeat your order. Two house specials and two sodas?"

I felt you look at me and saw Kurama shook his head. I know I'm being impossible, but if you want to act distant towards me, then I'll accommodate you, of course.

"Yes, that would be all," Kurama said.

"You're order shall be served in fifteen minutes," I said then turned to leave, but I heard my father shouted –

"The meal's on the house, lad!"

"Thank you, jisan," you had the nerve to say, that I shut my eyes in irritation.

***CHANGE OF POV***

"Jerk," I muttered when he came in and Kurama looked at me, surprised.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said, easily dismissing him as my eyes followed Zekuna's every move.

But I know Kurama was very astute so I wasn't really surprised when he said, "If looks could kill, that guy would have to be measured for a coffin already."

I frowned and glared at him, but he only smiled naughtily at him. "Finish your ramen, I need to go to work."

I looked at him in surprise. "Work? At six o'clock in the evening?" I asked incredulously.

Kurama smiled at me naughtily. "You know what I mean, Yuusuke," he told me.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "Yeah, right. You're going to visit your girl in Reikai," I said grumpily.

"Why," he began mockingly, "Are you jealous of me because you can't have the girl of your dreams?"

_Sly_. The kitsune was sly, I wanted to tell you. Because as soon as those words were said, my gaze traveled to you…and Zekuna.

You two seemed to be enjoying each other's company as you talk and laugh and kid around.

It was sickening, I had the urge to hurl everything that's inside my stomach.

But when he brushed some stray locks away from your face and caressed your cheeks, something inside me snapped.

I broke my chopsticks in two, imagining it was Zekuna's neck as I stood abruptly, my gaze not leaving both of you.

However, I'm not prepared for the strength that stopped me when Kurama grabbed my hand and held me in place.

I turned to glare at him and demand him to let go of my arm but he looked so serious and firm, I knew he wouldn't relent.

Even if I wanted to break from his grasp, I knew I won't be able to without throwing a fist at him. And I don't like fighting with my friends. Well, except Kuwabara who would challenge me for a fistfight every once in a while.

So, I sighed, defeated. The fury died in my eyes as I allowed Kurama to lead me out of the ramen house and into the clearing.

You know, the clearing where we spent our nights when we were young to count the stars. The clearing where I said goodbye to you when I left to join the Makai Tournament years ago.

He sat on the ground and I followed suit, my anger returning.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Whatever you want," he said as he lay down and looked at the stars.

After about five minutes, I gave up, and looked at him," Aren't you going to meet up with Botan?" I asked.

He shrugged. "She can wait. Besides, she's still working."

I looked at him, incredulous. "Are you serious with her?"

"What do you mean?" he asked nonchalantly.

"I mean, do you love her?"

"Of course, I do. Never felt this good before. Why? You think I'm just using her for sex?"

"No, I, but –"

"How come it looks like I'm taking her for granted for making her wait for me?" he finished the question I had in mind.

I slowly nodded.

He chuckled. "Yuusuke, we're already in the stage where we are already so comfortable with each other and with the relationship that we understood we needed some personal space as well."

"It doesn't mean I'm taking her for granted. I know she's busy with her work and she knows I'm busy with my school and job here. But we made it a point to meet at least once a week to catch up on each other," he continued.

"I'm so sorry. I don't mean to say you're toying with her," I said, ashamed. Yeah. After all the help he gave me, I had to think he's some maniac toying with my friend.

Well, no one could really blame me, right? Hiei told me about the kitsune's reputation in women when he was still famous in Makai.

"That's alright. Just remember that I don't toy with someone I work with. Too much trouble," the kitsune said and shrugged.

I just nodded. Well, what can I really say?

"So, you do like her so much, huh?" Kurama suddenly asked, I didn't really know who he was talking about.

So asked him.

He chuckled instead of answering me. "Yuusuke, if you are thinking of Botan when I asked that question, I'll have to wring your neck. I'm a very possessive guy."

I didn't really know if I blushed or paled. I thought he was talking about how I like Botan that I'm looking after her welfare.

I didn't think he was talking about, well, you.

"What?" he prodded me to answer.

I shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."

"You guess so?"

"Look, I don't know, okay? What are you trying to say, anyway?" I asked him, irritated at his attempt to play mind games.

"Let's put it this way, Yuusuke," he said patiently, "I've had so many women, exotic ones, adventurous, and even the timid ones in my bed. But not a single one of them had the power to invoke such overwhelming emotions on me like jealousy the way Botan had," he told me.

"I don't really have time for this shit," I told him coldly. Who cares about the kitsune's escapades with women, anyway?

"All I'm saying is that, you were mighty jealous of that guy earlier. Are you sure you _just _like her?" he asked me, making sure his message was loud and clear.

And for all my stupidity, I understood very well what he was trying to tell me.

***CHANGE OF POV***

"It's him again, huh?" he asked me so softly, I wanted to die in shame.

"I'm so sorry. I know this is hard for you, but –"

"I understand perfectly that you are not your normal self whenever Yuusuke would appear or his name would merely be brought up in our conversation," Omi said woundedly.

"I know you don't deserve to be treated this way," I said softly as I looked in your eyes.

"Then don't treat me this way. Love me like I love you, please Keiko," he pleaded and I cried.

"I'm so sorry. I really am. But if because of this, you want to leave me, then –"

I never got to finish what I was to say because he kissed me gently as he hugged me in that same, comforting hug I had grown to love. The same hug that lets me know that no matter what wrong I had done, I will always be welcome in his arms.

I cried. And this time, not because of the pain you caused me. Not because of the helplessness I'm feeling when I'm without you.

Not even because I'm doomed forever for loving you the way you never would.

I cried because of the pain I've caused him – the only person who loved me the way I want you to.

Even if he didn't show it, didn't say it, I know I've hurt him so much that I cried for him.

"I won't leave you. Not now, not ever, Keiko," he said as he tried to pull me away from him.

I clung to him and held him tighter. "Please hold me for a few more minutes," I whispered in his ears and he relented.

He sat down on the couch and I climbed on his lap like a little girl. I used to do this with my otousan when I was young.

He would tell me stories while stroking my hair until I fall asleep. He would cuddle me and ask me softly to dry my tears whenever I came home crying, because you teased me again or we fought.

I never realized I missed it until Omi cuddled me and pulled me closer to him.

I sighed contentedly in his arms. "Thank you for putting up with me," I whispered in his ears and I can feel him smile.

"That's alright. Anything for you, love," he said in return as he kissed my hair.

We stayed like that for about half an hour and I grew really sleepy. Then, I felt him stood up, carrying me in his arms, as he made way to my room.

I panicked but I was too sleepy to do something. I know that my otousan was busy downstairs and with the sleepy state I'm in, I know he could have his way with me.

Instead, he put me down on the bed gently, tucked me under the covers and kissed me on the forehead. "Sweet dreams, Keiko," he whispered.

I smiled, though my eyes remained closed. "I really like you, Omi," I whispered and because of that, I earned another kiss on the lips.

***CHANGE OF POV***

I jumped away from him. "Are you saying that I'm in love with Keiko?" I asked, aghast, as I glared at the kitsune.

"No," he said mockingly, then looked at me, "are you?"

I couldn't seem to breathe even though the shirt I had on was very loose. "I'm not," I said. 

"Then why are you so worked up?" he asked me cheerfully that I wanted to strangle him right at that moment.

"That's because you're telling me that I'm…but I don't, I mean, I'm not…"

I quit trying to explain. I couldn't anyway.

But was it really possible for me to love Yukimura Keiko? My bestfriend?

You?

I groaned and closed my eyes. I am not in love with you, right? Not to a violent, loud-mouthed woman like you…right?

Not to a stubborn woman who can't seem to keep out of trouble because you kept meddling with my Reikai missions.

Right?

But how come it looks like as if I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not in love with you when –

Alright, I admit, as the truth finally slapped me suddenly in my face. I am in love with you. 

_Are you happy, now, kitsune?_ I groaned again.

And I can't really believe I'm capable of being this stupid. 

That explains why I've been so protective of you since we were children. Why I'm so mad at you right now for dating Omi and why I'm so jealous of him. Why it's always you I run to whenever I need someone. Why I care so much about you and why you had so much power over me, you can convince me to do anything or even drive me to do anything for you.

Why I can't let go of you and our friendship.

I am in love with you. I've been loving you for so long, I no longer know the difference between loving you and not loving you.

_I am in love with you._ "I am in love with her," I finally admitted, my voice gruff with emotions.

Kurama smiled and opened his mouth to say something when Botan suddenly appeared – again.

"What are you doing here?" we both asked.

She smiled at Kurama before turning to face me seriously. "You have a new mission. Come with me."

**Author's Note:  **Well, that was done…I'm nearing the end of this fic…about four chapters more to go…can't wait.

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	13. First Kiss

**Author's Note: **Okay, an update…enjoy!

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Mixed Emotions 

Chapter 13: First Kiss

My head was bowed low when I reached your place and I sighed deeply before entering the ramen house.

"Gomen, we're already clos – oh, it's you, lad!" Jisan greeted me and I smiled weakly in return. "Haven't seen you for quite some time, eh?"

"I was –"

"Keiko, come down here for a minute!" he said and motioned for me to sit down.

"What's the matter? I'm studying – oh, it's you," you said as soon as you saw me. But then, the friendliness was gone in your eyes, replaced by weariness. "What do you want to eat?"

I inwardly winced, but I only shrugged nonchalantly. Of course, I don't have the right to feel hurt because that was your normal greeting whenever I drop by your place late at night.

But then, this isn't quite normal because we haven't talked for a week. You could at least ask me what happened and why I am here.

"Go on," I heard jisan say as you went inside the kitchen, "join Yuusuke. You haven't eaten your dinner yet. Are you dieting?"

"Tousan!" you protested. "I'm just studying and forgot to eat dinner. I'm not dieting."

"Yare yare. Whatever you say."

Then, you appeared carrying a tray with two bowls of steaming ramen and two glasses of water. After handing me my food, drink and chopsticks, you sat beside me.

"I need to talk to you," I said, not even bothering to give the food a glance.

You split your chopsticks in half, "Talk," you said, then began eating.

"I –" I began, then glanced at your father. No offense meant, you know how I respect jisan, but this is quite confidential.

"Alright. I'll be upstairs when you need me," jisan said and left the room.

"Well?" you asked me, though a bit indifferently.

"I'm going to Makai," I muttered, then glanced at you. You suddenly stopped eating and looked at me.

"Why?" you asked weakly.

"I was summoned by Koenma for a mission," I said.

You nodded and smiled bitterly. "Well, that's what you wanted, right? A little adventure in your getting-dull life."

"Kei –"

"When are you leaving?" you asked nonchalantly. As if you don't really care if I go, just merely curious.

"Tomorrow night, when it's dark enough," I said.

"What did your mom say?" you asked again before I could say anything else.

I sighed. You have always cared for my mom, "It was alright with her. She just asked me which is farther, Makai or America."

"Well, there's no problem isn't it?" you told me nonchalantly as you resumed eating.

"I'll be gone for three whole years, Kei," I muttered and my heart sank when you looked at me, though surprised, indifferently.

"Well, that's a mighty long time."

"I know," I said woundedly.

"Good, then you won't be here when I marry –"

I grasped your shoulder tightly. "Three years, Keiko. Give me three years and I'll be back. Please don't marry him, or anyone for that matter, while I'm gone."

You raised an eyebrow at me. "Why? You want to be the best man in my wedding?"

I vehemently shook my head. I wanted to say, I wanted to be the groom in your wedding, but I stopped myself in time. "Please, Keiko. Give me three years. That's all I'm asking you."

CHANGE OF POV

I looked away because of too much intensity coming from your eyes. I have always loved your eyes; it conveys all your emotions inside. It doesn't hesitate to show the emotions you are feeling, making it a little easy to understand you.

"Alright," I muttered. It's not that difficult to wait for three years, anyway. I'm still too young to marry and I planned to do a lot of things before I settle down.

"Thank you," you said gratefully.

I nodded and stood up to clean my dishes. There's no need for me to wait for you, because being so familiar with the place already, you can clean the table and wash your dishes on your own. "Well, you've done what you had to do, I need to close this place now," I said indifferently and when I reached for my plate, you grabbed my hand.

"Keiko, I –"

"What?" I asked, mildly exasperated. I can't really understand why you won't say what you wanted all at once.

"I hope to spend the rest of my time here with you," you said, your eyes suddenly full of hope.

I think my eyes hardened from what I heard. Well, I know I ought to be touched that you wanted to spend the rest of your time with me but I was just too hurt to notice. "I thought you're mad at me," I said bitterly.

You looked ashamed for a minute, "I'm so sorry, please forgive me," you said weakly.

"I thought you wanted your space?" I accused again, the apology you asked, not even reaching my heart.

"I was wrong, Kei," you pleaded, "I was mad and jealous that he'll take you away from me."

You admitted that you were jealous but right at that moment, I was just too mad to care. Too hurt to feel. "So, every time you got mad and jealous you would call me names and won't talk to me for how many days?"

Tears gathered at the corner of your eyes. "No, Keiko. Every time I get mad, I know I'll shout at you, call you names you didn't deserve which will make you slap me, then I'd sulk around and won't talk to you for a couple of days or weeks. But we both know I'll come back crawling on my knees to apologize and ask you back. I can't live without you, Kei."

I never noticed that, as you were saying those words, tears fell down from my eyes. And when you finished, you stood up and locked me in your arms tightly. Making me feel who I am to you.

Making me realize how much you needed me.

"I'm so sorry, Keiko, please forgive me," you whispered in my ear.

"I have always forgiven you in the past, Yuusuke," I replied softly, "this time is no different."

Though for me was already impossible, you held me tighter and I was awed when I felt your hard muscles pressed against me. Your training as a Reikai tantei surely improved your physique.

"Thank you. I really appreciate this," you said gruffly in my ears.

CHANGE OF POV

I suddenly woke up when you entered your room dressed in your oversized pajamas. I smiled at the sight you presented me. Even when we were young, you had always worn pajamas to sleep that looks like one size larger for you.

Your wet hair indicated that you took a shower and without looking at me, you sat on your chair and began reading one of our textbooks.

I groaned and stood up from your bed and walked towards you. "What are you doing?" I asked, and put both my hands on your shoulders.

Yeah, I've been enjoying my liberties in you right now. I know, under the normal terms, you wouldn't have allowed me to touch you with familiarity, but right now, I simply won't care.

"I'm studying," you told me as you dry your hair with a small towel.

"Let's go to sleep, Kei. I'm tired," I whined and looked really sorrowful that you looked up at me, an eyebrow raised.

"You go ahead, I'll just dry my hair," you said softly.

"I'll wait for you," I announced and sat on your table.

You looked confused. "I thought you're tired?"

I smiled, "I'll wait for you," I repeated that you just shrugged and turned your attention back to your book.

After twenty minutes or so, which I spent staring at you, you announced that you're going to bed.

"Alright!" I said happily and hopped to your bed while choosing the softer pillow between the two on your bed.

"What are you doing?" you demanded.

"Getting ready for bed," I said cheerfully as I lifted the blanket and got inside the covers.

"And where are you planning to sleep?" you asked, your voice shrill from fear that if you would ask me, was unreasonable.

"Definitely not where you want me to," I said nonchalantly when I saw you glance at the couch near the window.

"Yuusuke, this is not proper at all," you said and shook your head but a small smile escaped your lips.

I snorted in response. "Come on, Keiko-prude, it's not like I'm going to rape you or something. You know me better than that."

"Don't call me prude. I – ah, well, what if otousan comes in and find us both in –"

"Come on, jisan practically treats me like a son. He won't think of anything bad about us."

"I –"

"Or if you insist, you can always sleep on the couch," I said cheerfully that you glared at me.

"I'm not sleeping on the couch," you told me and snatched my pillow. "By the way, this is my pillow. Use the other one," you said then got inside the covers and lied down, your back on me.

I smiled naughtily as I lay down beside you and wrapped my arms around your waist. You gasped loudly.

"What?" I asked innocently as I pulled you closer to me.

"Yuusuk-" your whining was cut by a very loud gasp.

CHANGE OF POV

"Yuusuk-" I started, but gasped instead when you blew at my ear.

You had the nerve to laugh. "You're very ticklish, Keiko. I like that very much."

"And you're using it to your advantage," I grumbled as I shuddered when you caressed my waist lightly. "Stop it!"

You chuckled. "Lower your voice. You'll wake jisan up."

"I'll wake the goddamn house if you don't stop tickling me," I snapped, then stilled. I felt _it_ now.

"What are you doing?" I breathed nervously.

"Nothing."

"You're unbuttoning my PJ top!" I said and I frowned even though you can't see me.

"I just want to feel your stomach," you said and after unclasping enough buttons to expose my stomach, you pressed your hand on it and snuggled closer to me.

I didn't move for about fifteen minutes, the nervousness I felt gradually disappearing with each passing minute. Honestly, I'm glad that you stopped moving at all, and the even breathing told me you went to sleep already. I wouldn't have known what to do if you suddenly attacked me.

Yeah, though I can always slap you, this time, I was just too terrified to even voice out my protest.

"Yuusuke?" I called softly, and when you didn't answer, I shifted, but still, your full weight was all over me, I cannot move and my body was starting to feel numb.

I sighed noisily. "Kami, this is very uncomfortable!" I said loudly, I woke you up.

"Why? I'm quite comfortable with this," you said and I snorted.

"You would think so. Move a little, Yuusuke, I can't move and my body's getting numb already," I said but you didn't even budge.

"No."

"Yuusu-"

"Just for tonight, Kei. After tomorrow, you won't have to put up with this jerk again for three years," you said pleadingly.

"I'm not at all glad that you're leaving, Yuusuke," I said softly.

"I'm glad to hear that," you said and I felt you kiss my hair and snuggled to sleep.

I woke up and felt a tree had fallen on me. The weight was quite pleasant, though, but when I opened my eyes, I almost screamed.

_What were you doing sleeping in my bed? Worse, what were you doing sleeping on top of me?_

And then I remembered. And I admit I had to smile. I moved to get out of bed, but you quickly held onto me. "Don't leave me, Keiko. I can't live without you," you muttered and I know you're still asleep.

You haven't really outgrown talking while you sleep.

I stayed still for another ten minutes before shaking you gently. "Yuusuke, wake up," I said softly.

You stirred and opened your eyes. "Ohayou," you greeted and closed your eyes again.

I sighed. "Yuusuke, we have to get up," I said and nudged you. I shifted and then I felt…and I was so surprised I pushed you away from me.

You fell of the bed. "It's too early in the morning to be violent," you complained.

"You, uh," I said, sighed and blushed furiously while I looked at the ceiling.

"I what?" you asked, confused, then looked at the bulge in your pants.

If it was still possible, it made me blush even more.

"Should I apologize?" you asked sheepishly as you snatched a pillow to cover yourself.

"This is so embarrassing," I grumbled as I continued to look at the ceiling, not having enough guts to look at you in the eye.

"Well, it's normal for guys to get aroused considering the way we spent the  night together," you had the gall to say.

"We did not do anything!" I snapped.

"Well, we were limb to limb and skin to skin the whole night last night. That's enough for any man to get excited," you reasoned out.

"Stop it," I said, "I can't believe we're talking about this. Besides, it was you who insisted we sleep the way we slept last night."

"So sue me. You felt so soft last night, you can't blame me for wanting to be near you. And I'm going away, remember? I won't be able to see you for three years so I want to remember everything about you," you said and by the widening of your eyes, I know you did not intend for that to slip out of your mouth.

I was surprised but quickly recovered. "I'm going downstairs. You," I paused to glance at the pillow covering you, "you take a shower before going downstairs. You can't let my father see you with…with – ugh!" I said and shook my head as I walked out of the room.

After twenty minutes, you went downstairs, your hair still damp from taking a shower. I frowned at you, displeased and embarrassed with what happened awhile ago.

You only grinned at me.

"Ah, lad, come, set the table, will you? Let's eat some breakfast before the place flooded with customers," Tousan said, and I guess, he didn't even notice that you're here so early in the morning.

We were seated already, eating our breakfast, when, "Did you sleep well last night, Yuusuke?"

"Tousan!"

"Why? I'm just asking him. I heard the two of you when you went upstairs last night." Tousan told me then turned his attention back to you. "Well?"

"I slept well, thank you," you said meekly, and glanced at me embarrassed. The reason why tousan heard us last night when we went upstairs was because you were so loud.

You were singing and laughing madly like a drunken man.

 "Oi, lad, I'm telling you as early as now, I don't want a grandchild nine months from now. My daughter's still young," tousan said in a playful waning tone.

"Tousan!" I cried, aghast. I never thought he could think so lowly of us.

You turned red. "I won't do that to Keiko, jisan. You know that. I didn't do anything to her," you said seriously and glanced at me.

Tousan sipped his coffee. "Yare, yare. I know you didn't. I was just kidding you. Hn, young ones."

"Sorry about that," I muttered when we reached the clearing and stopped walking. "I honestly don't know what had gotten into him."

It was already dark, the whole day passed by quicker than I had wanted. We spent the whole day in the ramen house, helping out. My father even taught you the proper way to handle the business and cook the ramen.

He said that it was better if you know about it already because when we marry (I cried out in embarrassment at that, but you took it nonchalantly), it will be us who will continue running it.

You obeyed and didn't even complain once, it surprised me.

"It's alright," you said stiffly, I sighed.

We had an argument again because you don't want me to come and see you off. You told me I would go home alone and it's not safe for me.

"Come on, Yuusuke, don't be mad at me, I just want to see you off," I said and pouted my lips at you.

You looked at me in annoyance, then smiled softly. "I don't want to fight you, either," you said just as a portal magically opened behind you.

I felt tears formed in my eyes. _This is it,_ I thought, _you're really going and leaving me behind._

You turned and looked at the portal before looking at me again. You smiled sadly.

"Three years, Keiko. You promised," you said softly.

I hiccupped from stopping the tears, which eventually flowed freely. I took one step towards you. "Yuusuk-"

And then you crushed me with your tight hug, your lips seeking mine so hungrily, I thought you would devour me alive.

It was wrong. I'm with Omi and he didn't deserve any of this. But I didn't struggle.

It felt right. To be in your arms. Like I know I'm supposed to.

As you held me tighter, I poured my heart and soul in that kiss as it went longer, deeper, full of passion and emotion not everyone is capable of feeling. Telling you without words that I love you. That I'll wait for you no matter how long it takes.

Begging you, please, don't leave me, I want to stay in your arms like this forever.

But, alas! You pulled away, your eyes wild with emotion I can't quite decipher.

"I will miss you so much, Kei," you said gruffly and before I had the chance to stop you, you jumped into the portal that closed immediately – and left me alone.

**Author's Note: **

Okay, what will happen next? Three more chapters to go…

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	14. Just Hold On

**Author's Note: **Okay, here's the next installment…enjoy!

**Disclaimers Applied.**

**Thanks for those who reviewed!**

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**AIRA** - I would like to inform you that I'm a working girl and fanfiction is only a hobby for me. I know waiting for the next chapter is difficult because I read fanfiction, too, but you are not inspiring me by calling me a killjoy when I don't update. We, writers, have a life, too, outside fanfiction. Also, I don't want to just upload a mediocre chapter just for the mere purpose of updating. I try to do my best and upload the best I can give you guys. Thank you…now here's the chapter you've been waiting for.

* * *

**MIXED EMOTIONS**

Chapter 14: JUST HOLD ON…

* * *

I smiled but shook my head at them, making them groan.

"Don't worry about me guys. You go on, I'll be alright," I said.

"But Keiko –"

"Besides, I need to help otousan in the ramen house," I added.

Mari pouted at me while Aren rolled her eyes. "That's all you do, Keiko. Teach, go home, and help your father in the ramen house. I mean, don't you want to get married?" Aren asked.

An image of your smiling face entered my mind, but like what I've done for the past years, I quickly shoved it away. Instead, I chuckled.

"What does marriage has to do with me not attending tonight's party?" I asked as I looked at the stack of papers on my desk.

"The party has everything to do with marriage. What if your future husband would be at the party tonight? If you don't attend –"

I slowly shook my head. "I'm not going, alright? I'm not going to meet my husband in that party. Besides, I've got loads of paper to check. The students' grades are due on Monday, you know."

Mari blew on her bangs. "You're hopeless. Really pathetic."

I chuckled. "Mari –"

"Look, you should get over Omi already. It's almost half a year, for Christ's sake," she said, irritated.

The smile instantly vanished from my face as his name was mentioned. My dearest Omi. "I am so over him, Mari," I said, my voice dropping to only above a whisper.

Aren rolled her eyes. "For someone who's over him, you surely sound indifferent at the mere mention of his name."

I smiled weakly. "I really am over him, you know," I said.

Of course, I could not _not _get over a person I never really loved.

_Right?_

--FLASHBACK—

I sat beside him and looked at him nervously. "Hi! What is it that you want to talk to me about?"

Omi sighed and lay down on the clearing and looked at the stars. Then, he sighed heavily.

I looked at him worriedly. "Omi, is there something wrong?"

He looked at me, then looked at the stars again. "No. Nothing's wrong."

"Then, why this?" I asked and bit my lower lip. _Please, don't make him propose to me,_ I chanted.

"Keiko, we've been dating for more than two years already," he began and I grew more nervous than I already am.

If he propose to me, I would have to turn him down, that I am sure. But I would hate breaking his heart.

So, please let him not do it.

I didn't notice that he paused and waited for me to acknowledge it for awhile.

But when a few seconds had passed in silence, "Go on," I said.

"Well, there are only two directions in every relationship. If I ask you to marry me –"

"Please don't," I interrupted him and my eyes filled with tears when I looked at his eyes. "I can't…don't do this to me, Omi."

He smiled weakly at me, "I know if I ask you to marry me, you would say no."

I looked at him in surprise, halting my tears from falling.

"It's still him, huh? I don't really know what happened to him, why he disappeared or where he went. All I know is that, after all these years, even when he's not here, it's still him inside you."

I looked down as tears fell, cascading like rainfall from my eyes. I wanted to lie, say that he's wrong.

That I've forgotten about you and I've learned to love him. But I know he could easily see through it.

"It's still him you're wanting, needing, craving and waiting for," he told me.

And he was right.

I thought the years would make me forget. The time would heal me from this affliction.

But I was wrong.

Everyday was a day shorter towards your return. Every love songs and romance movies were all about you. Every smile that escapes me belonged still to you.

And my lips would forever burn for that kiss.

I would be lying if I say that I'd forgotten about that kiss because of the number of kisses Omi had given me.

Omi's kisses had always been less romantic, less passionate, less hungry and less soul-wrenching than that one kiss we shared.

And it will always remain that way.

"I'm so sorry," I mumbled but he shook his head.

"Don't be sorry, Keiko. I'm not. Knowing you would forever be my pleasure. And I'm so sorry for being so damn stupid when I thought that I would be able to shift your love for him to me," he said, once again taking the blame that rightfully belonged to me.

He chuckled bitterly that I had to stop myself from whimpering, "I don't know how he did it. You know, how he made you love him that much. But I know I won't be able to take it from him ever."

A pause.

"So, I'll return you to him and return your heart to where it rightfully belongs," he finished and he looked at me, eyes glistening in tears.

I looked at him in shock, "Omi –"

He looked at me almost painfully, "Don't. Just don't say anything, Keiko. I love what we had and I had been happy. Now, it's time to let you go and let you look for your own happiness. Goodbye," and with that, he stood up and left.

--END OF FLASHBACK—

No one else besides the two of us knew the real reason why we broke up. To everyone in my school, the faculty I work with, the colleagues in his company, we were the perfect couple.

They were just waiting for us to get married.

We broke up instead.

And they treated it as a big tragedy of our life.

Omi and I, we never saw each other again after that night. And it was for the best.

I know I hurt him for not being able to love him. I cared for him, I still do, but it was never enough. I know that now.

"Keiko –"

"Mari, please. I know what I'm doing. You might think I'm wallowing in self-pity but I'm not – I'm not pining for Omi anymore. You should at least trust me on that," I said.

Aren sighed deeply. "All right. If that's what you want. But don't forget, if ever you need someone to talk to, we're here for you, Kei."

I stiffened and swallowed hard at the mention of my nickname that I had a hard time controlling myself.

It's been almost three years since a _certain someone _called me Kei.

"Thanks, guys," I said and nodded weakly at them.

Aren turned and left, with Mari following closely behind. "She's lying, Aren," I heard her say, "it's not difficult to see the pain and longing in her eyes. And it's scaring me."

"Yeah, I know," Aren said before they completely exited the room.

* * *

--CHANGE OF POV—

"Three years, Kei. You promised me," I said helplessly, tears streaming down my face.

"I'm sorry, Yuusuke," you said sadly, your ring finger wearing what I know was a wedding band.

"I love you, Keiko, you –"

"You should have told me that years ago," you said, eyes looking sad as your figure moved farther from me.

"Don't leave me, I can't live without you," I yelled, exerting every effort I can, I ran after you and continued to cry when you seemed to be getting further and further away.

Then, Omi appeared and put his arm around you and disappeared completely from my sight.

"Keikp – no!" I gasped as I woke up suddenly, sitting up, my body drenched with sweat.

My cheeks wet with tears.

I sighed deeply as I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes.

And then a sob escaped from me.

A sob so helpless, it matched the fear I felt inside. The fear of losing you.

And then another. And another.

And before I knew it, I broke down, crying, hugging my pillow tightly, as if it could lessen the longing I was feeling.

When all I wanted to do was hold you in my arms.

Those nightmares, they began just two months ago. You marrying Zekuna and leaving me.

And no matter how fast I run, I can't seem to catch up. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get you back.

_I love you, Keiko_, my mind screamed, hoping it would reach you, hoping it would make you keep your promise to me.

Please, give me a chance to fight. Give me a chance to win you from him. I beg you, Keiko.

I beg you.

--FLASHBACK—

I sank to the ground, my back flat against the cold ground as I stared at the dark, gray clouds.

Not a single star can be seen.

Unconsciously, my hand went to my lips and sighed.

Naturally, our kiss wasn't my first kiss. Though you might think otherwise, I've had my own share of sexual escapades with women.

And I've proven that not all first kisses are memorable.

First kisses ought to be memorable, or so they say. But not in my case. I can't even remember the feeling, the intensity of my first kiss.

But that kiss we shared – it was as if I haven't been kissed before – erasing all the other intimacy I shared with other women.

That was the only kiss that almost brought me to my knees.

And at first, I was jealous. Omi had taught you well how to kiss a man just right.

But no, after a few days, I had to contradict myself.

That kiss we shared was too spontaneous, too soul-baring and too honest to be assumed as trained.

In that kiss, you poured your desperation for me to not leave you. For me to stay.

"You need to eat," Enki suddenly appeared and tossed me a piece of bread.

I nodded as I munched the hard bread, not really aware of the strange looks he'd been giving me.

"You're not yourself again," he said and stretched his arms.

I looked at him strangely and resumed eating, then glanced at my body. I was once again black and blue from training.

I haven't really told you what Koenma ordered me to do, have I?

Well, then, let me tell you. There was some trouble brewing under Enki's rule here in Makai and because of that, I was sent by Reikai to offer some sort of assistance.

It took a year to do that. And another two years for a whole new training. Genkai-baasan has nothing to teach me. I've learned everything a ningen can offer me.

So I had to train hard in the other world – Makai. Where the youkai are experts when it comes to war. Be ready in every possible way of attack from every possible enemy.

"You need to rest well tonight. Our training tomorrow involves controlling the mind," Enki spoke suddenly before rising and left me.

I sighed and though against my will, I stood up to head for my room to rest.

--END OF FLASHBACK—

Four months had passed since that night. And I know Enki was getting worried each day, especially when I started having those nightmares.

But I know he couldn't very well ask me what was going on with me – such matters simply weren't discussed by two powerful warriors.

And so, he let me on my own during those remaining weeks.

But now, I think I felt too much, hurt too much, and cried too loud that he heard me.

As I poured my heart and soul with my tears, the door was suddenly opened and entered the huge form of Enki, powerful leader of Makai.

I looked at him straight in the eye, a likeness of a pitiful child left by his parents, not feeling even a twinge of embarrassment for seeing me in tears.

Because for me, crying for you is not some sort of weakness. Instead, it is a form of strength – letting everyone to know that I am strong enough to love you, strong enough to risk giving my heart and soul to you – giving you so much power to hurt me and break me down.

Strong enough to cry out and reach for you.

I saw him – his expression changed from worry to surprise.

Then hesitation.

Yes, the great, powerful leader of Makai, known for being notorious and fearless when facing an enemy, having been a friend of my otousan, hesitated in approaching a man drowning in emotion.

Yes, for all the power and strength a warrior youko possessed, he lacked the ability to feel the softer emotions.

The ability to feel happiness.

Comfort.

Love.

Yes, Makai warriors had the strength, but not the emotions.

I have both.

"Lad –"

"Don't even try offering me any form of comfort we both know you are incapable of giving," I told him quietly, "just let me know if I'm being too noisy that I'm disturbing you already or tell me what time I need to be in the training ground tomorrow morning."

Enki cleared his throat, "I just want to tell you that I have nothing left to teach you. You've mastered our craft. You may choose to return to Ningenkai whenever you want."

And then he left me – staring at the spot where he was a few seconds ago.

And though he did not give me any sort of comfort, did not offer me any sort of advice, he had given me what I've wanted the most.

He made me content.

* * *

--CHANGE OF POV—

I waved at otousan before walking away from our home and going to work. But then, I haven't walked a block when a big smile found its way on my face.

"How are you?" I asked brightly and giggled when he hugged me.

If ever possible, he looked more handsome now.

"I'm fine, Keiko. And you?" Kurama asked, still not losing the ever polite tone.

"I'm coping, thank you," I said honestly, my smile wavering a little.

"Are you really?"

"Yeah," I said. "So, what brings you here? Any news from him?"

"Nothing," he said and my smile wavered a little more, leaving only a weak one. "I just wanna know how you're doing. You know, it's been so long since we've last seen each other."

"Yeah, well, that's right," I said, knowing I'm not really making any sense right now. "I'm doing quite well. Better than I expected, really."

"That's good," he said and I caught him looking at my hand.

"I'm not yet married, Kurama, if that's what it meant," I said, referring to his glances, and laughed.

He blushed. "Err, right. Just checking for a friend, you know. (I laughed at that) Well, off you go. I don't want you to be late for work."

"Okay. Bye!"

--CHANGE OF POV—

"There. She's not married. Are you happy now?" he said and glared at me.

I grinned at him and it only annoyed him.

"Why didn't you just go and ask her about it? I looked like an idiot back there."

"I want to surprise her," I told him and grinned.

"Baka." Kurama said and scowled at me.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thank you guys for reading…next chapter in a few…and while you're all waiting, why don't you guys be a dear and drop me a review?

Visit my site? www.geocities.com/angkat14


	15. The Man I Cried For

**Author's Note:** Yay, this is the second to the last chapter...aren't you excited? I am...

**Disclaimers Applied.**

**Thanks for those who reviewed!**

miyako14, Lady Priestess, Elementalmoon, Rose Angelz, Cherry-Lipz09, butterfly-grl4, Penny: Angel of Darkest Dreams, sabacat, Night's Tempest44,

**MIXED EMOTIONS**

* * *

Chapter 15: The Man I Cried For

* * *

"Happy Birthday!" Mari and Aren greeted me as they handed me a carefully-wrapped gift.

"Thank you," I said and accepted the gift.

"No smile for us?" Mari asked and a small smile just had to escape me.

"Come on, guys. Cut it out," I said weakly as I opened my class record.

"So, where are you going to celebrate your birthday? You're twenty-two now," Aren asked me and purposely snatched my record from my grasp.

"Hey!" I protested, then sighed, I know I won't be able to get it from them without answering the question. "Alright. I'm not in the mood to celebrate so maybe I'll just go home and sleep."

"What?!" they asked in unison, "you're kidding!" Aren said.

"I'm not," I said as I grabbed my record from her, "I just can't see the point to celebrate."

"You're boring," Mari moaned and Aren nodded her head in agreement.

I had to laugh at that. "Whatever. I need to go to class."

* * *

"Good evening, class," I greeted as I prepared to conduct my last class for the day.

After I've graduated from college, I decided to teach in high school for a year, then decided to teach college students, instead.

The reason? I just realized that I don't have the courage to discipline bullies from high schools because they reminded me so much of you. So, even if sometimes I have to conduct my classes in the evening, for me it was still better.

For my heart, that is.

"My god, he's so cute," I heard, then muffled giggles followed.

I tried to let it pass. Let the silly girls dream about their crushes, I told myself…but the second and third time it happened, it distracted me from teaching the other students who were ready to listen.

"What's the noise all about?" I demanded and the three girls sat still, embarrassed look on their faces.

Satisfied, I turned around and faced the board to write down the topics for discussion for the night. But I haven't finished the first bullet point when I heard a number of gasps.

"What the –"

"Happy birthday to you –" Niki sang as she walked towards me, carrying a small cake with a single candle in the middle.

Rooted on the spot, I didn't realize that I just regained my senses only when the song ended. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Well, it was your birthday so we decided to take a day off from work and celebrate with you," Hina said, a big smile on her face, behind her, Meia, also smiling.

"Oh my." I said, for once, I forgot that I'm in front of my class, "who planned this?"

"We did," Kurama appeared along with Botan, Yukina, Kuwabara and Shizuru. _We are almost complete, only one person was missing_, I thought.

"Anou, Hiei couldn't come because he's not in a socializing mood," Botan told me and to my horror, I burst into tears.

The whole crowd looked at me in astonishment, fear and surprise.

"Well, had I known you would take personally that Hiei couldn't come, I would have dragged him here no matter what," Kurama joked that I had to smile.

"What's going…oh," Aren and Mari suddenly looked dumbfounded when they saw the crowd in my once orderly classroom.

I smiled brightly at them, "Aren, Mari, I want to meet my friends way back," I said and one by one introduced them. It's not a surprise, though, that there were quite a number of whispers and giggles when I introduced Kurama.

"Well, it was a pleasure to meet all of you," Aren said almost consciously and, "Oh my, there are lots of foods here," she said referring to the number of containers my friends brought with them.

"Of course. We want the whole class to celebrate with us," Botan said and the class suddenly cheered wildly.

"Can I talk to you?" Botan asked me as the whole class and my friends began to eat.

"Sure," I said, "What is it?"

"Are you really hurt that Hiei couldn't come?" she asked me seriously that I burst out laughing.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Of course not. It was just, I was just too overwhelmed that, you know, I'm so surprised –" I paused, then sighed, "I'm not really making any sense, am I?"

Botan nodded slowly and we once again burst into laughter.

Then, a tap on my shoulder.

"So, did you enjoy your party?" Kurama asked me, a big smile on his face.

"Yeah, thanks so much," I said sincerely.

"We haven't given you your gift, yet," he told me and I began shaking my head.

"You don't have to give me anything. This is more than –"

* * *

CHANGE OF POV

* * *

I sighed as I leaned on the wall, my patience slowly running out.

_How long do they plan to keep my out here, anyway,_ I thought as I scratched my neck in annoyance.

I mean, I've been kept from you for two and a half year. And I'm more than ready to barge in to hold you in my arms again.

Besides, sentimentality aside, I'm really hungry and the smell of food coming from inside was already making my mouth water.

And then, the door finally opened, Kurama holding in for me, and I had to sigh. Finally.

I entered the room and glared at the kitsune, "I thought, for one second back there, that you're going to make me wait out there until the party is over."

"Yuusuke."

A whisper, yet I heard it just the same as my eyes scanned for the owner of that voice. And then, our eyes met and the happiness I saw in yours almost brought me to my knees.

"Tadaima, Keiko," I said, and forgot everything else I was about to say because you launched yourself in my arms.

* * *

CHANGE OF POV

* * *

My eyes filled with tears as you walked inside the classroom. My gift – Kurama fondly called.

And as if I'm seeing you in slow motion, you came back to me. "Yuusuke," I whispered, and no matter how low I said it, I saw you scan the crowd for me.

Our eyes met and before I knew what was happening, unaware of the silence that surrounded the room, unaware that all eyes were now focused on me, my feet carried me towards you, barely registering into my mind when you said, "Tadaima, Keiko," I threw my arms around you and the tears that's been forming in my eyes since I saw you flowed freely from my eyes.

"Oh my god," I sobbed on your neck, as I hold you tight against me, not wanting to let go, wanting you to be with me from this moment on.

"Oh my god," I repeated a number of times, not caring at all if I look so pathetic crying like this in front of my co-teachers and students. They wouldn't understand, anyway.

No one would understand how much I love this man.

No man would understand how much I love you.

* * *

CHANGE OF POV

* * *

I heard Niki cleared her throat and clapped her hands to get everyone's attention, "Alright, show's over. Let them have their privacy and let's just party and celebrate, alright?"

I was grateful for that. Because no matter how comfortable and content I am now that you're in my arms once again, I found that having everyone's eyes on me was nerve-wracking. I began to ease my hold on you.

"Kei?" I began.

"Hm?" you answered in that contented tone of yours.

"I think you should let go now," I whispered and glanced at Kuwabara who was throwing me some knowing glances.

"No."

it was barely audible that I had to ask you what you said.

"I said 'no'. I'm not going to let you go again," you said and from the tone of your voice, I doubt if you're aware of what you just said.

I scratched my head as I continued to hold you awkwardly. "Kei –"

Then, a rumbling sound from my stomach made you pull away suddenly – surprise written all over your face.

I continued to scratch my head, "I haven't eaten anything since this morning," I admitted as I patted my empty stomach.

"Oh," you said as blood rushed to your face, "I'm so sorry. I didn't think –" you handed me an empty plate, "here. Please, eat your dinner."

I accepted and smiled at you in return, then I turned to get my food. When I again turned around to talk to you, I found you talking to your new friends, I think, because I don't recognize them.

So, I just leaned against the wall and started eating.

* * *

CHANGE OF POV

* * *

Aren grabbed me as soon as you turned around to serve yourself with food.

"I think there's something going on you're not telling us," Mari told me with that odd look on her face.

I grinned at her. "I think I'm going to celebrate my birthday after all."

Aren gaped at me, "You think?" she asked, "Who was that guy anyway?"

"Oh. It's Yuusuke," I said as if that explained everything.

Mari rolled her eyes. "Uh-huh. Now we know his name. Who is he? You're boyfriend?"

My smile faltered a little. "No, he's my bestfriend. We've been friends all my life."

"Really?" Mari asked in a tone that says she didn't believe me.

"And I've been in love with him for about that long time now," I continued. There's no use in keeping it from them. They're bound to notice it, anyway.

"Oh."

I cleared my throat. "I have never really told you why Omi and I broke up."

They nodded at me, then, "Does this Yuusuke guy have something to do with it?"

"In a way, yeah," I said and sighed as I relayed to them the whole story.

And after twenty minutes of telling them what I've been through, they nodded slowly, for once understanding the situation I'm in.

"So, you're going to marry that guy?" Aren asked.

My eyes widened and I felt my blood rushed to my head, "I don't know. I don't really know how he felt about me."

"Believe me, dear –"

"Uh, sorry to interrupt," you suddenly appeared and if it were possible, I think I blushed more. _What if you overhead our conversation?_

"What's wrong?" I managed to ask.

"Kurama and Botan are leaving. I guess Botan's not that comfortable that your female students are ogling her boyfriend," you said and threw nervous glances at Aren and Mari.

"Oh, okay. Oh, by the way," I suddenly remembered. "Yuusuke, these are Aren and Mari, my co-teachers. Guys, this is Yuusuke, my best friend."

* * *

CHANGE OF POV

* * *

I stole a glance at you as I picked up the few remaining trash in the classroom.

"All done!" you suddenly declared with a big smile on your face. "Are you finished?"

"Just a few more seconds," I said and continued cleaning the room. However, a thought kept distracting me…

This is Yuusuke, my best friend.

_My best friend.___

Was that all I am to you? Nothing more?

"Well, that was it," I finally said and looked nervously at you. "That was a nice party you got, the whole room was a mess."

You grinned at me, "I know. You didn't have to stay to clean up, though."

I shrugged nonchalantly as we walked out of the school side by side.

And because of that very uninterested response, your smile faltered a little. "Yuusuke, I want to thank you for –"

I cut you off, "this isn't my idea. Kurama and Botan are responsible for this party, you know."

You looked at me suspiciously, "Right. Kurama and Botan knew Niki and the others."

I sighed. You're just too smart for me to fool. "Alright. It was my idea. I take the blame, so sue me. What's the matter?" I suddenly asked when you blushed.

You stopped walking. "Thank you for everything."

I shrugged again that you hit my arm.

"Why do you keep on shrugging like this is nothing to you?" you asked and when I did not answer, you laughed. "I don't believe you!"

We continued walking in silence, when, "how was your trip in Makai?" I suddenly stopped.

I shrugged again, "it was fine," then resumed walking.

You reached for my arm and when I looked at you, "Is there something wrong?"

"No. Nothing's wrong."

But still you looked at me worriedly. "Then why do I feel as if you don't want to talk to me?"

_Need you ask?_ I wanted to tell you. I just came back only to realize that what you feel for me was only friendship – even after that kiss we shared.

"That's not true," I said lamely, instead.

"Then tell me about…about your trip in Makai," you challenged me.

And for the first time in my life, I took the coward's way out…and lied to you. "Enki just told me to go back there as soon as I can. He allowed me to visit here to say goodbyes," I said.

And for a minute, I really thought of going back as soon as I'm confident enough that you'll be happy with Zekuna.

To go back there and heal my broken heart…and maybe, Enki could pass me some of his inability to feel love.

Maybe then, I would ceased to be hurt.

But you don't look too happy now…because you looked livid. "Do you mean to tell me that after asking me to wait for you for three years, you would just waltz in my life just to tell me you're going to stay there for good?"

I looked away. Obviously, I'm not that comfortable lying to you. "Uh, you could say that."

I didn't expect the hand that slapped me, I cringed at the impact of it. I looked at you only to see your eyes clouding with tears.

"I'm starting to hate you, Urameshi Yuusuke," you said angrily.

And again, I shrugged. Hiding what I really feel inside, "you won't notice I'm gone, Keiko. I know you and Zekuna would be happy even without me."

"Omi and I broke up several months ago," you said rigidly, that I looked up – to see you crying.

I quickly looked away and bit my lip to stop myself from laughing bitterly. And if I could, I would stop myself from feeling bitter, too. Because if you cry for him, then you must love him so much.

So much that you feel the pain it brought.

Like the pain I felt when I loved you.

"And do you cry for him?" I asked lowly.

A bitter smile appeared on your tearstained face. "There's only one man I cried for, Urameshi Yuusuke, and you know that. I just hope that someday…someday he'll be worthy of all the tears I shed for him."

Before I could say anything, you turned around and started walking away.

* * *

****

**Author's Note:** Oh...okay, I just can't resist to make those two fight even in the second to the last chapter, ne? Anyway, what I wanted to say is, why don't you drop me a review so that I'll be inspired to write the last chapter beautifully? Ne? Owkie...Ja!


	16. Worthy of my Tears

**Author's Note: **Waaaahhh!!! Last chapter…I'm so sad…so this is goodbye to this fic…and I hope you readers out there will still continue to support me in my future Fanfictions…. Thank you all so much…now off you go to the last chapter.

**Disclaimers Applied.**

**Thanks for those who reviewed!**

sabacat, miyako14, Quiggibub, Spede, Rose Angelz, Elementalmoon, animegrl15, Monique, xLunatiCxD, Night's Tempest44, Lady Priestess

* * *

**MIXED EMOTIONS**

Chapter 16: Worthy of Your Tears

* * *

"Keiko!"

My otousan called me for the second time, and again, I didn't answer or came down to help him with the ramen house.

No one can blame me. I don't want him to see me like this – with puffy eyes and a bitter smile on my face.

And, Kami, I'm so tired of this.

So bloody tired of this.

I am so sick of crying over you, of waiting for you, of being there for you.

I am so sickeningly tired of this.

"Keiko!"

_Here he goes again_, I thought and rolled my eyes. For once, can't he leave his only daughter alone? Can't he give me a little privacy even just this time?

I stood up. But no, I didn't go down. Instead, I paced back and forth. And I had to control the urge to laugh loudly. Bitterly.

And who wouldn't be bitter about it?

You – my bestfriend and the only man I've eve loved asked me to wait for you for three years then gave me a kiss I thought would never exist outside my dreams, only for you to come back, throw me a big surprise party on my birthday I thought I would celebrate alone, then have you tell me you're leaving – for good.

And you didn't even ask me how I feel about it.

Damn you to hell and back.

"Keiko! I told you to get your butt down here!" my father bellowed angrily and louder this time, I winced.

_Oh, for crying out loud!_

So much for privacy, I said to myself as I headed to the door.

* * *

--CHANGE OF POV—

* * *

"Maybe she's asleep –"

"No, she's not," Yukimura-jisan interrupted me before shouting for the third time. "Keiko!"

I cringed as my ears rang from the volume pf his voice. "Uh, jisan, I think I'll just come back –"

He stopped me from leaving by grabbing my arm. "No. You'll stay here and talk to her. Lad, you know I treat you as a son, but by gods, if you make my daughter cry once again, I swear, I will hunt you down just to make you sorry for doing it."

"I didn't mean to make her cry," I told him, now, fully ashamed for the jerk I've been.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Well, that helped a lot, doesn't it? I've never seen my daughter more miserable than these past two years."

Now, that hurt. Coming from someone I thought would be most supportive of my situation, that had to hurt. And it did. "I was miserable, too, you know," I yelled at him, distress quite obvious in my voice.

_I was miserable, too,_ I wanted to make him understand.

During those times when I was away, no one really cared even if I've been going through hell. Koenma, he didn't care if I wanted to go and be away from you. All he cared was about for me to accomplish the damned mission.

Enki only cared that I finish my training.

And you?

You only cared about your own misery.

Didn't you?

A little softness flashed in jisan's eyes, then, "Keiko, I told you to get your butt down here!" he shouted angrily, and louder this time.

And then you appeared, still beautiful in my eyes though some may say you look like shit, eyes blazing angrily.

"Can't anyone get some sleep around here?" you asked your otousan, obviously annoyed.

It was really surprising, you know. What age can do to a person.

Before I left, you couldn't even contradict a thing your otousan tells you. But now, I can say that you're now learning to stand up for what you want – and show your irritation when you've been forced to do something you didn't like.

Just like this.

You reached the landing and let out a huff of annoyance.

Then, jisan grabbed both of our arms, then forced us to seat side my side on the couch. "Well, you're grown ups now. Do what you have to do and stop acting childishly as if you were still teenagers. I'm going to bed!" he said then went upstairs.

You sighed, then leaned back and closed you eyes.

I hesitated for a moment, "Keiko?"

No answer.

"Are you asleep?"

You stood up suddenly and looked at me with weary eyes, ""I'm tired, Yuusuke. I don't want to fight you tonight. Goodnight!"

A_t least,_ I thought to myself, I knew you well enough to predict this kind of hasty exit from you. After all those years of fighting and making up, though I've been separated from you for three years, that's one thing that didn't change in you.

So, I kind of expected that, and I was able to stand up and grab your arm. "I'm that man, right?" I asked softly. Wanting – no – needing you to say that yes, I'm that man.

That, yes, even after all those heartaches I gave you, you found it in your big heart to love me.

I want this to be a happy ending for us.

I felt your body stiffen, then you breathed deeply before looking at me. "It doesn't matter." You said nonchalantly, then shrugged as if it was really nothing to you.

A reply so expected from you that though you look so nonchalant right now, a small hesitant smile played on my lips. "Of course, it does," I said.

You arched your eyebrow then crossed your arms in front of your chest. "Really? How so? You planned on going away for good."

Of course, I'd be a fool if I let go of this opportunity. "I lied."

* * *

--CHANGE OF POV—

* * *

"I lied."

Just two words. I didn't know it could shock me this much.

And with my heart beating rapidly, I asked, "What?" a little angrily.

Fear.

That's what I saw in your eyes. And it was really ironic because you've faced so many deadly enemies for you to actually fear me.

"I lied," you repeated, your voice a little shaky with reasons unknown to me. "Enki…well, uh, he never told me anything about going back there. But, you see, Keiko, I was so scared," you said, then paused while you looked at me pleadingly.

Begging me to understand.

Your soul reaching out to me, asking me to hear you out.

And when I paused and hesitantly looked up at you, then the train of words began, I had never thought you were capable of saying.

"When I saw you tonight, you were so happy and I thought you're content with your life just the way it is. After all, I just complicate your life. I only brought you pain and make your head ache with problems. So, I thought, if you're happy now, there's no need for me to return and ruin everything again, right?"

Another pause.

"God, Keiko, I was so scared that I came back only to find out you've moved on without me when I'm still dreaming of that kiss we shared and the future we can spend together. I lied because I was so scared that while you're my life, there's no more space for me in yours."

And then you stopped and took deep breaths, and suddenly you can't look at me straight in the eyes. I noticed that you looked everywhere except my eyes, which, by the way clouded with tears as you said those words to me, saw the embarrassment of baring your heart and soul to me. Yet still did it.

And then, I remembered. Something you said to me years ago.

We were having one of our sexist debates and I was winning that time. The topic? Boys are luckier than girls because all the boys can choose any woman they want in the world, while us, girls, can only choose from those making moves on us – unless you're some kind of a liberated person, which by the way, I'm not, and make the first move.

_Hn, if you really love that person and that person is already in front of you, it's good if you can actually say anything decent in front of her. Worst case is that you would get tongue-tied and ruin everything,_ you told me.

I still won the debate, of course, the punishment was for you to help me clean the ramen house, and I never thought about it again.

But, right now, you're trying, and were quite succeeding, to talk to me.

I waited for you to stand by what you really feel.

Waited for you to fight for me.

Waited for you to say, "I love you, Keiko."

Instead, "I thought you were happy with Zekuna, so I'm willing to let it stay that way," you said softly, head bowed.

Well, for someone who's not eloquent enough and had been tactless and careless all his life, you sure can talk a lot, it surprised even me.

And I understood what you were trying to say.

Understood what you really are.

Understood what's happening between us. Understood that though you feel for me the way I feel for you, you're just not man enough to fight for me. You were so willing to let it go. To give me to someone you thought makes me happy.

And I understood one thing – if you can't fight for me, then you're not a man enough for me.

_You would never be worthy of my tears._

"Goodbye, Yuusuke," I said as I turned around.

And the tears that clouded my eyes fell.

* * *

--CHANGE OF POV—

* * *

I panicked that I grabbed your shoulder and turned you around. Now, that was something I did not expect.

"Keiko, listen to me…" I began and I can feel my body tremble with the thought of losing you. "If you give me just a tiny chance, I swear to you, I'll try to be the man worth your tears. I can't promise you I wouldn't make you cry anymore, I know I had the knack of doing that, but when I've been a jerk and made you cry again, I'll cry with you, Keiko. And when you're through, I'll help you wipe those tears away."

"I'll help you wipe them dry, Kei," I finished in a whisper as I tilted your chin up and wiped the tears that cascaded down your face.

"Please, Keiko, love, don't cry," I said softly as I reached for my handkerchief. I deliberately brought one tonight because I know a jerk like me will make a crybaby like you burst into tears.

It was really awkward, you know, me, trying to wipe your tears away, "I really should get used to this, huh?" I joked and chuckled nervously even though I can feel the tears that clouded my eyes awhile ago threatened to fall.

You tried to turn away, "it's okay. Yuusuke, you don't have to do this –"

"I want to do this," I said sadly, because after all that I've said, it wasn't enough for you to accept me and I know I have nothing left to offer.

"Look, Yuusuke –"

I sealed your lips with mine and, interrupting what you have to say, kissed you so passionately, our first kiss paled compared to this. This was the last recourse I know. If I can't convince you with words, then I will with this kiss.

* * *

--CHANGE OF POV—

* * *

And the kiss went longer and deeper as you explored and tasted parts of my mouth never been kissed by anyone.

I did not intend to do it, but I returned your kiss with the same ardor you kissed me as I held you tighter and closer to me, bringing me back to the clearing almost three years ago. Making me remember how desperate we were and how hungry we felt for each other.

You broke away from the kiss slowly and you touched your forehead to mine as we both caught our breaths, your eyes closed.

"I love you, Keiko," you said softly. Then you opened your eyes and lifted your head to look at me.

It rendered me speechless.

"I love you, Keiko," you repeated, louder and firmer this time, "I love you like a father would his daughter, a brother would his sister. I love you as a friend would and as a man would his woman. Stay with me, Keiko, please. Marry me."

"Marriage?" I managed to choke out as I felt my head spin.

So this was how it felt like. It was perfect and cheesy at the same time.

"Err, at least agree to be my girlfriend for now. We'll talk about marriage later on," you said, cheeks flushed as you tried to look at my eyes – but failed. You still were very embarrassed and resulted to looking at my forehead.

A small smile escaped my lips. There's no use in denying. "You do realize that you have to court me first, do you?"

You looked at me in surprise. "What?"

"But of course," I said and smirked at you.

You recovered your senses and smirked at me in return, and before I guessed your intention, you walked forward, with you still holding me, until my back was pressed against the wall.

"I've been courting you for years, Kei," you told me huskily, my throat suddenly felt dry.

"Is that so?" I whispered.

"Yeah," you said and smiled. "I've been walking you to and from school, been visiting you here and we went out on lots of dates."

"You haven't brought me flowers yet. And you slept on all our dates. I'd say you have to court me for another year," I teased.

"Another year?" you gasped.

"I thought you love me?" I asked and pouted my lips. This was a silly conversation, yet, couples were really known for their sweet nothing conversations – just like this one.

You shook your head at me and smiled. "You're such a tease. I like that," you said and leaned down to kiss me.

I turned away and I saw your exasperation. "Another year, remember?" I reminded.

* * *

--CHANGE OF POV—

* * *

I huffed in exasperation. "I'll make a deal with you, Kei. Just love me now, and I'll court you forever."

You laughed in protest. "That's cheesy!"

"That's the only way you can get your courtship, baby. Deal with it," I said huskily and held you tighter.

You tried to move but I wouldn't let you. "And I suppose you're not going to let me go without me agreeing to be your girlfriend?" you asked and arched an eyebrow at me.

"You've always been astute," I mocked and laughed when you rolled your eyes at me.

"So, we're going to stay like this for another year?"

"I'm perfectly comfortable in our position right now," I said and to prove my point, I crept my hands towards your buttocks slowly.

"Yuusuke!" you gasped loudly and glared at me.

"What?" I asked in mock innocence.

You huffed in annoyance. "Alright. Alright. I give up. Have it your way," you said and frowned at me.

But I paid no heed at your frown. A big smile escaped me as I looked in your eyes. "Really?"

"Yeah. Can you please let me go now?"

"Not yet."

"Yuusuke!"

"I believe there's something you want to say to me," I said, my eyes twinkling.

"Huh?" you looked at me in confusion. "Oh. Alright. I agree to be your girlfriend, are you happy now?"

I let you go in annoyance. "You're supposed to say 'I love you, too, Yuusuke' you know?"

Let me tell you that it broke my heart when you laughed and shoved me away. "You're cheesy! I'm not going to say that!"

"Why not? I didn't have any problem saying that to you," I said and pouted my lips. I swear, I was never like this with Miruni when we were dating. I don't really know why I act like a lovesick fool with you.

You tiptoed and kissed me quickly on the lips. Now, that certainly made my heart whole again…and I really swear…I'm not like this at all.

"I didn't know you were such a sulky little child. Alright, I'll say it. Are you happy now?" you said and smiled.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, smiling in return, as I leaned closer to you. "Let's hear it."

* * *

--CHANGE OF POV—

* * *

I didn't know I would be overcome with embarrassment when I've fantasized about this moment for so long. Your expectant eyes didn't help, either.

I opened my eyes to speak but no words came out. Instead, I felt myself blush. I didn't know it would be this awkward when you're expecting me to say it.

But, for you, I gathered enough courage and took a deep breath. "I love you, too, Yuusuke. I know you knew that," I accused you softly.

You grinned at me idiotically then kissed me quickly. "Hearing you say it is entirely a different thing," you said.

"Just one thing," I said, suddenly remembering all our bickering.

"What?"

"I'm gonna be nagging you all the time."

"That's alright," you said nonchalantly.

"You'll love me in spite of that?" I asked with hopeful eyes.

You looked at me in exasperation. "Love, I won't be Urameshi Yuusuke if you don't nag me for something stupid I did just the same that you won't be Yukimura Keiko if you don't nag me for something stupid I've done. I don't love you in spite of that…I love you because of that."

It was supposed to be really sweet and all, but I ruined the mood by laughing loudly. "That's so cheesy!" I said.

* * *

_And so…that was how it was…with me in his arms…feeling strange, yet right at the same time…and right at that time, there was nowhere in the world I would want to be, but with him, the only man I've ever loved, the only man I cried for…my love… my bestfriend_

_--Keiko—_

**OWARI**

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**Author's Note: **Thank you guys for reading…I love you all so much…now because I finished this fanfic…would you be kind enough to give me a review?

Mixed Emotions had been successful because of the readers patiently waiting for me to update and drop me a review, criticize constructively and I don't really know how to tell you guys how it helped me grow as well.

Special thanks to my cousin, Ching and her never-ending crying on my shoulder because of her stupid 'Yuusuke', for inspiring this fanfic. I hope her own love story will end just as happily as this fanfic did.


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